Parenting, work and gender - who takes the day off?

[Teeki]

This is something that ****s me too. When I am working, my job is generally more demanding than DHs. I have no one who can just step in at a moments notice and do my job, meet my clients etc. I travel most days so if I'm out on a farm with a client I'm not able to take a call, and I'm not able to leave at a moment's notice. DH on the other hand is. He's able to leave and know there are others who will pick up the slack.

So, if a kid is sick at daycare, 99% of the time I'm not able to leave early to get them. DH is, and does. And because he finishes work at 3 and I'm supposed to finish at 5, he does the pick up after work and is rarely able to do overtime. If there is a big issue and he absolutely can't leave on time he calls and I change what I can to leave early.

But it's hard on both of us, because DH has met some resistance to needing that flexibility, and now that I'm on maternity leave and he can stay back or go to a call out whenever needed, it's a bit more 'acceptable'. My job is also low on flexibility, and I want to be the one that goes to my kids when they're sick. So when I do manage to change things to be with them it doesn't always feel like it's welcome. I think there's a reason I was better at this job before kids, and a reason I'm the only Mum in our region doing it. The others are men and very recently two young women have been added (prior to that I was the only female).

I think it comes down to a stereotype of what mums and dads should be doing, and should want to be doing. The dad should be a worker first, dad second. A mum should be mum first, worker second and therefore should stick to the simple jobs that you can move around easily. What they should be doing is making jobs like mine more accessible to mums, because I am bloody good at it when I have the right support and no one should be excluded from it just because they're a mother. They also shouldn't need to do it 'like a man' in order to be taken seriously.

[trishalishous]

Im the breadwinner (I work 25 hrs a week) and study 25 hrs a week
DH studies 25 hours a week.
Depending on what we are doing on the day, affects who will take the day off.
If I only have a half day at uni, and DH has a full day, then he will miss half the day while I have my class, then we swap in the carpark, and I take the child home. If its a work day for me, he will miss his class as we cant afford for me to not work, and if I dont work there is 99% of the time noone to cover me, so the clients health is at risk.
Its hard to juggle, but we manage

[nyigi]

Yep this attitude annoys me too, but it really really gets my DH riled up.
He hates the assumption that he wouldn't be as much of a parent as me, that he wouldn't be as capable, committed, or responsible for caring for our son as me just because he's the man.

We both work part time, at the moment my DH makes more about 2/3 of our income but up until a few months ago it was even and next year I'll probably be making more than him.
If someone needs to stay home with our sick child we work it out based on what we have going on and how close we are to where our son is at the time.

In some ways it's hard to be juggling all the time, but it's also really rewarding. We both get the careers we want and we both get to be active parents. Neither of us would want to miss out on either of those.