Babies Born April 16th-30th 2009 #1

[Ozziehoffy]

Amanda, that's great! There are days (like today) where I'd have loved to have been at work rather than home. I love being home with the kiddies but sometimes it'd be a nice break.

Mel, Oskar had hand, foot and mouth last year. Only got one or two blisters luckily! It's HIGHLY contagious - the fluid in the blisters. I hope he doesn't share it with Byron! Have a great time in Cairns!!! I know what you mean about family being close by. We don't have that either but it sure would be nice sometimes just to have 5 mins.

Last night was a nightmare with Elijah *sighs*. He woke at midnight, fed him, back to sleep but then every time I put him down he'd wake 5/10 mins later until 2am! Then he woke at 4am and wouldn't stay asleep unless he was attached to my boob so that is how he slept until just before 6am when I really needed to move but I put him down and AWAKE so on the boob and asleep again aaarrrrggghhhhh. I don't know what is going on, if it's cos he's sick or what.... he's a nightmare sleeper compared to what Oskar was.

I'm feeling really hmmm deflated and like I'm not doing very well with the whole "mum" thing. I feel like all I do lately is yell - Oskar seems to have lost the art of hearing and he's really testing and pushing boundaries all the time with Elijah and I don't know why he just keeps doing it. He'll be so nice and thoughtful by giving toys to Elijah then 5 mins later he's hitting him or laying on him or something. I'm feeling out of control with how I'm dealing with it all. I don't want to yell but I feel it's all I do some days. I try all other avenues I can think of until I just snap *sighs*. I feel over it and don't want to do it anymore. Part of it is all probably to do with some degree of sleep deprivation cos Elijah really isn't a great sleeper, these days it's usually once or twice a night but only 2/3 hours apart, so I'm not getting good blocks of sleep. Then there's the whole being pg or BFing... I've been either pg, BFing or BOTH for 3 1/2 years so far. I really, really want to be alone sometimes. Andy was really good today and came home early. He said I just need a break but he can't take both the boys anywhere for too long because well Elijah kinda needs my boobs lol. So it's going to be at least 6 months before I get to have any block of time just for me. Whilst I love them and love being their mum (even though I feel I'm doing a bad job right now) I need to recharge ME!!!