Babies Born August 1st - 15th 2008

[Indadhanu]

Just a quick one about being emotional and crying when bub was born... I cried when I heard her cry, because when I was getting the epidural topup before the c/s they lost her heatbeat for a bit, they don't think it stopped but no one told me anything all I knew was they had the doppler and no sound was coming out so I freaked out, and didn't relaz a bit until I heard her crying. But I found it hard to get emotional - bonding emotional - as I only got to see her for a minute before they took her away, Shel left as well and I was in recovery by myself trying to process what the heck had happened. One moment I had her inside me and Shel next to me and hospital staff telling me what a great job I had done, the next she was on the other side of the hospital and I was alone. It really was one of the loneliest and emptiest times of my life, and I was so numb. I am only now starting to fathom that I did give birth, because it just didn't seem real. Physically yes but emotionally not, and I've only just started to bond with Jazz since I have started to accept the birth as a birth.I am still finding it hard to call myself a mum,a nd call Jazz my daughter. My emotions during the birth weren't that rush of love and joy about giving birth, but relief that she was ok and then a lot of mixed emotions about the actualy event but none really about Jazz or about being a mum.

[squidipa]

leasha i so understand having now delivered both ways i know the difference. Its like all of a sudden you feel empty and alone its when they take bubs out of you its an over whelming change of feelings. You know exactly at that time the baby has been removed. i remember saying the baby is out i feel empty now tis was before the cries. Un complete i felt. Its a very unsettling feeling. But i do trully understand leasha. Theres no real gradual process to a c section is there??? its just bam your a mom.

[kiwigirl]

hey just a quick note probably as the little man is stirring.. but i have been really moved by all your stories in response to my question (e.g. thebear - that photo soo made my eyes well up, that is such a full on special and emotional photo) and your posts have made me realise how much we have to process after the birth - like get our heads around everything that's happened and talk about the birth and remember different things over time (just yesterday i remembered something little that i hadn't since the birth!).

I can't imagine being left alone in a room by myself leasha and thepixie after the birth. leasha - I have heard your experience is really common for women who have a c-section - like the whole bonding side of things as well - but i am glad you are working through everything *hugs*.

mm - hope you hear news from the report soon. i hate it when i dont get to read reports arghh.

must go sorry, time to bf.

*hugs* to everyone xox

[mountain mummy]

Morning all

Veygas has become my little alarm clock - he wakes every morning between 5.30 and 6am, and that's the start of my day! It's good in a way, because I have time to get everything done and get everyone organised for school and preschool etc ... but my days are so full on that I really feel the need to crash out by about 7pm!! LOL!

He's a little unsettled today - won't sleep unless I'm holding him (but at the moment, he is having a little whinge in his cot) I desperately need to eat and have a cuppa!!

Vic - it's funny, none of my kids came out screaming!! So it wasn't until they took Veygas away from me and all these people rushed in that it clicked there might be something wrong!

Bear & Pixie - that is such an emotion charged photo ... I think someone else said this as well, it's so beautiful and tragic at the same time. It must me so hard (and Vic too) to see your little baby in that situation.

I know I am getting worked up about this appt on Monday - it's hard to think that such a tiny person should require surgery, but at the same time, it makes you appreciate that some parents have it alot worse (like those kids on waiting lists for heart surgery that keeps getting postponed - on the news the other day) And I don't even know if it will come to surgery, but the ECH nurse said more often than not they will do the surgery to ease the discomfort of the hernia ... kinda puts life on hold for a bit, but I would do anything to make sure my kids are healthy!

[squidipa]

MM.. good luck with Master Veygas's appointment monday. i hope you get all your answers your after and you come out feeling like you know whats going on

i have a permanent velcro baby one handed typing.. just repaired the blocked up vac for hubbie. it had two barbie doll house things in it a large lot of fluff from a broken pillow and leggo in it blocking it up and a hook . hubbes vacuuming the salt up for me.. the rain i intense today hey!

[thepixie]

Thanks for the support guys, it was pretty full on and it really didn't sink in at the time. I think that's how I got through it, it was all just a daze and a bit of denial and I didn't really think about how bad it was till it was over.
Mel - I am better, and I did start writing my birth story, but unfortunately it's developing a resemblance to war and peace. I'm on page 3 and I'm only 3 cms dilated! LOL
Beema, Leash, MM and squidipa thanks for sharing, and I really understand how you feel - not the C-section thing, but being alone and not knowing what was going on, feeling like you had gone through this huge thing and all of a sudden you were totally insignificant, no one would even tell you what was going on. Even your husband had left. That's how I felt anyway. TBH when I was alone in the room I was kind of proud of myself for getting through the birth with only gas and no tears or stitches. Then afterwards I felt stupid for feeling that way while my baby was in intensive care.
Leash, I saw your other post about birth anxiety. I know what you mean. The birth itself I could do again I think, it was hard and scary and painful, but I think I could do it again. The part I'm a bit traumatised by is that she wasn't breathing, I think I would have a hard time if I was pregnant again, getting over the fear that it would happen again KWIM?
Anyhoo, back to the present and Beth has managed to get that cold the Bear and I have had, so we are discovering the joys of fess.
MM hope all goes well with Veygas' appointment on monday, I know it's hard not to stress, but remember we're all here if you need to talk about it.
& to everyone

[squidipa]

Beth has managed to get that cold the Bear and I have had, so we are discovering the joys of fess.

its awful to have to syringe it out do it very slowly.. But on the upside it helps even tho baby hates it and it breaks ya heart having to do it. The drops arnt much better but it does help and to sleep bubs in a more upright position. Josh has this bug too.

[mountain mummy]

I swear you ladies (and Squidipa's DH and The Bear ) are my lifeline ... with my DP away so much, it's great to come here and get support (and give it too!) I think I would be having a much harder time coping with no-one to talk to (or type to for that matter!) I do get to talk to DP on the phone every night, and on weekends, but not having him physically here is hard - at least he'll be there on Monday.

Well I had a look at the u/s scans and it has special instructions for "the patient to take it unreported" WTF??????? How on earth is that gonna help the paed surgeon?? And I can't get a hold of the hossie atm to see if I can pick up a copy of the report from them I just don't want Veygas to have to go through more unnecessary u/s's IYKWIM?? Especially if having a copy of the report could prevent that!

Pixie - I think you have every right to be proud of yourself for getting through the birth with only gas, no tears and no stitches! I can imagine you would have mixed feelings about it though, knowing that Beth was in NICU But don't feel stupid for feeling that way!

Damn, there was something else I wanted to say, but my mind is like a sieve these days!

On a totally unrelated note, my 4.5yo DD is TOTALLY toilet trained, day & night! She hasn't had any accidents in the past week since wearing undies to bed (and her pullups were dry for about 2 weeks before that!) but she has been day time toilet trained for over a year! 2.5yo DS on the other hand has no interest whatsoever and will even hold in his morning poo until AFTER his nappy is changed! Little bugger! Oh well, not gonna push him ... YET!

[squidipa]

Pixie - I think you have every right to be proud of yourself for getting through the birth with only gas, no tears and no stitches! I can imagine you would have mixed feelings about it though, knowing that Beth was in NICU But don't feel stupid for feeling that way!

my 4.5yo DD is TOTALLY toilet trained,

MM you took the words outa my mouth with your comment to pixie. Heck i had several shots of peth with my first born. I was in tears Saying "i cant do this, I want to go home This isnt happening" i was 18 years old delivering on my back. In the end i was so exhausted the hubby held bubs for 1 hour before i got to.. I couldnt even see her face. i was just so tired and had lost a lot of blood and was being stitched up.

Congrats on toilet training good work DD and mom!

[thepixie]

sorry double post!

[squidipa]

ahhh did u double post?

[mountain mummy]

yeah, Suidipa, I had a couple of shots of pethidine with my first - same thing, delivering on my back. #2 I was on my back again, only one shot of pethidine. #3 and #4, I didn't trust myself to get through it and ended up getting pethidine only 5-10 minutes before each of them were crowning! So it never kicked in until after they were born (cause they were both so quick! 8min and 5min respectively!)

And pixie, I didn't see a double post

[squidipa]

MM i was induced too so very ouchies very traumatic for me But it does help with the bonding rather than here is ya baby and u almost feel like they could have just given you some random child!