Hi all,
Man, you lot have been chatty lately ... either that, or I've been MIA for a while!
In lieu of personals, I'll put my two bobs worth in on some of the subjects raised.
Feeling blah and beyond - I'll tentatively raise my hand. Some weeks I feel washed out, unmotivated, anti-social etc. I felt this way after Xmas, big time. It's not like me to feel so blah, but I put it down to having my husband and parents around 24/7 at Xmas, and then suddenly it was just Cam and I again. It went from "shared responsibility" to "YOUR responsibility", and I guess I found it hard to deal with for a while. I feel like "me" again now. I guess we all know when mentally, you're not ourselves. Thank you all for your honesty, it's somewhat of a relief to know that what I feel occasionally is obviously a normal part of motherhood. And to those of your suffering PND I can't begin to imagine how you feel day-to-day, and I know my feeling 'blah' is no where near the same thing as PND - doesn't even come close. Please know you have my empathy and support.
Anxiety - The older I get, the more of a worry wort I become. Since I've had Cam, I'm probably worse, but I wouldn't say it's necessarily anxiety. Mel, hun, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you're asking us if we think your feelings are abnormal, then you probably already feel they might be? I hope you see what I'm trying to say (please don't think I'm saying that what you feel is abnormal - I'm not). I'm not sure any of us can definitely tell you if what you're feeling is beyond "normal" anxiousness, but re-reading your post, this is obviously a huge concern for you. I too can only suggest that talking to a counsellor/professional might be worthwhile - if nothing else but to try and work through why you feel the way you do. The death of your friend's little boy (I recall when it happened) was traumatic and you wouldn't be the kind person you are if it didn't affect you. And I'm so sorry to hear about your brother too. Talking about how you feel is a great start ... so keep on talking to us when you need to ;).
Work - exactly 6 weeks until I'm back three days. I hate, dread and loathe the idea ... not to put too fine a point on it. I have a horrible feeling that my little world will all come crashing down on me the weekend before I'm due to start. I already feel guilty about leaving Cam in childcare 7am-5pm for three days. And I think stupid stuff like 'what if he takes his first step at childcare ...'. Hmmm, did I say I didn't suffer from anxiety? I really, REALLY want to be a stay at home mum. But (and there's always a but) we've got two mortgages and two cars to pay off, and in this spiralling economic climate, it would be wise for me not to throw my public sector job in, especially as my husband's work has stayed laying off employees. He's ok at the moment, but in 2 months time, ??? I'm sure when I get back to work I'll be fine, who knows ... I'll probably enjoy being able to have 45 mins off a day (lunch break) in relative peace. This is what I'll keep telling myself, anyway.
Bushfires - My God, what a terrible, tragic few days. Those poor, poor people - how can they ever recover. This is awful, but I hope the bastards lighting those fires find themselves in the exact situation they've placed others in. Let them FEEL the hopeless desperation - the pain. God talks about forgiving and forgetting, but how could he expect those affected to do either? Sorry, this isn't about God ... I'm just "talking". What a nightmare. Stay safe, all of you who live in the bush - please.
I should write more, catch up with everyone properly, but I really do need to hit the hay. Bec, hope your day improved! About your headaches ... have you had your eyes checked lately, could it be your vision???
Hayley, Laura, Mel, Nic ... well, anyone who needs one really :grouphug:. I can't say I have any helpful words or advice, but I'm a damn good listener. Just know that none of you are doing it alone on this interesting journey through motherhood ...
Andie xx

