Babies Born ~ September 2007 #75

[Trillian]

Mamapan, does his school have a choir? That's something he might really enjoy doing.

[Artechim]

MP, Choir would be good then, or a drama club. That sounds exciting and adorable!

I just realised the other day I have never ever heard W sing. I asked him about it and he said he wasn't good so wouldn't do it. Perfection or nothing.

I know I need to get some help. And I know that you have all said it over the years. I have even started down that road but after a dozen of the same appointment saying and hearing the same things, I was still there every day dealing with the fallout of the wrong clothing etc with no new strategies to help. At least in new town there are local agencies, not 1.5 hours away.
It was going alrightish, we were managing, but the move has tipped it all over and we are back to the clothes, shoes, anything issues and he seems determined to sabotage any attempt at fun or happiness so he can scream and carry on. It has been so many years and I am exhausted.

[MamaPan]

hi trillian - yep he is in the grade 1 choir which he really enjoys. it is on one lunchtime a week. very cute - basically the whole year is in, they chose to go in or not :-) he really enjoys performing, has a gorgeous voice and i think something like a drama/acting or music would be great for his confidence etc too. But i DONT want to be a stage Mum LOL!
Arte - nnow that you are somewhere new maybe the time is right. if you can access some help closer to home maybe it will be more manageable to see it through? It sounds really difficult, and he is old enough now that you know it isnt a stage etc, so it will be best for you all if you have some mechanisms to deal with it. he has been through a lot of chg lately i guess but so have all of you.. and if you had some ways tp help him cope and also to assist your family it would be a lot smoother for you all. big hugs - must be awful to deal with and evenworse to see him like that. poor little man.

[Trillian]

Mamapan, surely there would be somewhere down there that would do acting type activities for kids? I think that type of thing is a great activity for them to get into - it does so much for their self confidence.

[Ginger]

Hi mp- going along quite well here. J is doing kinder 3 days a week and then does a day of state based early intervention at an autism specific centre. He also does speech therapy. It's pretty busy but seems to be making a difference. He is enrolled to start prep at a mainstream school next year which is awesome. Hoping that goes well but if not we will reconsider out options next year. Did you end up getting a dog?

Arte- an occupational therapist could really help w with all the sensory issues, particularly the clothes etc. I hope you don't take me the wrong way, I have just seen first hand the huge difference that intensive therapy and early
Intervention can make.

[Cassius2]

hello people!

Arte: i was wondering if the move and all the new things would have some fallout on W :hugs: what support services are there in your town? do you have any friends or know of people with kids that are ASD? It might help to see if there are any support groups. Maybe a chat wiht the principal as she/he might have some good contacts and recommendations. i agree that it would suck majorly to do this all on your own especially without the tools to help. what were the things that you did last time? massive hugs Arte :hugs: it really sounds like a tough gig but maybe the silver lining is that now you are closer to support and services and it might just be the ticket xx

afterschool activities...Miss L has a free after school sport thing on once a week with the school and she really wants to start circus next term. also for home i have just bought these reall naff books with plain faces on them and the girls have gone ballistic each day colouring them in and drawing the hair and clothes on etc. Miss L is really into writing so have also bought her one of those feint ruled excersise books for all her letters and stories. it gives me so much peace and quiet with the two big girls...until the paper starts running out and then it is banshee apocalypse hahahaha

MP: i also played instruments when i was growing up and would love my kids to have that experience...espeically through highschool as it was a bit of a chance to break away from the crap social stuff going on with the larger school population and just hang out with other creative peeps and have our own camps etc. I was thinking of investing in a keyboard as i reckon that piano is a good basis for musicality...seeing that you can basically transfer all piano stuff across to other instruments.

G: cannot believe that Mr J is going to be at school next year! wow time is just whizzing by! How does he do at kinder? Do you think that it could be a problem at the school, or are they pretty well versed with spectrum kids? There is a boy in Miss Ls class who has a TA and is there for only some days for the whole day and the other days are half days where he has intervention stuff etc.

MD: Miss L has also just started taking the initiative to read chapter books one after the other...she just churns through them! so now we have quite a big pile each week from the library lol. i am so so stoked as I am a HUGE reader and just love the escapism. you dont want my book recommendations at the moment...it's all about young adult fiction although i am revisiting 'the bride stripped bare'.

[Artechim]

I think I would like to read Brandon Sanderson's Alcatraz Vs the evil librarian and the rest in the series. It is a youth book but I just read his Mistborn series that was awesome and he is the guy they picked to finish the Wheel of Time series when Robert Jordan died.

Cass, I also love finding W in his room reading a book just because he actually likes it Yeah, it seems like the move has really unsettled him. We weren't without problems before but now he is just so, so angry. Any attempt to talk/play anything with him results in him yelling back. He actually tipped over furniture and threw things tonight in a massive red faced rage. He hasn't been so angry before. And so down on himself and everything that comes out of his mouth is negative and nasty. That is what I really need to focus on. Last time he was morose like this was when his first school wasn't working for him. We changed schools and it was fixed. Can't do that this time He needs to learn some ways of dealing with anxiety that isn't just taking out his frustration on everyone else.

G, thanks. Not taken the wrong way at all. It probably frustrates you that I haven't done anything so far. I always think I can manage it. There are times when everything ticks along fine. Then there are times when it doesn't but we always seem to scrape though. I guess making it through the day isn't really living though. What do OT's do? It would be super helpful if we could get past the clothes thing. Velcro on shoes not being even, not wearing more than one layer of top unless it is literally snowing - then he might wear a jersey and then he has to strip down to one layer to put his seatbelt on, the wrong f***ing pants!! Are there real practical ways of making that feel alright to him? Because that would make day to day living quite a bit easier
Does J have clothes issues?

MP, you wouldn't be *that* stage mum though - you would be the awesome lady behind the scenes making costumes and bringing amazing finger foods! Does J like performing too?

After school activities - W is doing Kea's (Scouts) one night a week and the ice skating rink is opening again shortly so I think he might do that a time or two a week. He has amazing balance and was really good at skiing so hopefully he will be naturally good at ice skating and get some confidence from that.

And after 6 years of driving around my little town with a bare minimum knowledge of road rules with no problems, only one month into living in a bigger town and I got pulled over for blowing through a stop sign! Sucks!

[AnyDream]

Hello my lovelies, I'm in crazy town with general busy-ness right now, but I wanted to pop in & say hello & declare an intention to pop back in for a good read & some personals when I get some breathing space. to all of you who need them right now! xxx

[Ginger]

Hi there,
Sorry arte, just noticed that you asked me if j has clothes issues. He has a lot of sensory issues but is ok with clothes. When he gets upset, the first thing he does is takes his shoes and socks off. He is very particular about shoes. He has lots of issues with food, and hates getting the sun or water in his eyes. His biggest sensory issue is getting his hair cut, hence the long hair.

[Artechim]

Thanks G. That must be hard going.

MD, I hope your busy-ness dies down a bit soon. Have you got time off over the holidays? Although that doesn't actually equate to quiet and relaxing, does it lol.

Had parent teacher interview for W yesterday at the new school. Sounds like he is settling in very well (and got a certificate for it ). Two years ahead across the board, more for numeracy.
Whatever stress was causing all the horrible behaviour lately seems to have resolved and he has been (mostly) back to himself the last couple of days.

[MamaPan]

Hi All
Just thought I would pop on and say hi to everyone, it is a cold sunday arvo here and I am waiting for a few things to be done in the oven before I head to my mum's. DH is away atm (again!) so I needed a few hours to get myself organised for what will be a crazy week - no DH, no nanny and no ILs.... AAARGGGHHHH!!!
All is going well here - we had a fabulous holiday in Indonesia - a week of adventure and a week of luxury relaxation. Kids amazed me on the adventure side - hiking, snorkelling, muddled up routines, no screens etc. was amazing week! they learned and grew so much on that holiday! we had a blast. then we had a week in bali with friends which was also awesome - but a total contrast of course. J tunred 5 when we were away - cant really believe that! we had a fun party when we got back - soccer theme which he loved!
N passed his forst tae kwon do grading and was above average! he was thrilled!!! a couple of stripes on his white belt now and he is proud as punch. i've been so impressed with it, for building his confidence physically. J is still playing soccer and really enjoying it, its so good to see.
I am thinking of taking them next week to a children's festical about an hour or so from here. (woodend childrens festival for the Vctorians) - maybe the weekend away. I figure with DH away we may as well make a weekend of it and getting away is good for my stress levels (which are high at the moment as a lot going on at work)
no other real news for me, as we always do this time of year we are considering house hunting! lucky for me I LOVE that whole process!!
would love to hear how everyone is. and also any bday ideas you have, they are sneaking around again!

[Ozstar]

Hello lovely ladies. I hope your all well.
All is good here. I can't believe miss E is 2 months old, it's crazy how quick they grow. L didn't want to go back to school at the end of the holidays, I was more then ready for him to go back lol.

[Cassius2]

hello!!!

Arte: i have to watch myself with the driving now too. only 8 months after we have moved and i am driving country style (AKA any old how hahaha).

Mamapan: we might see you at the festival?!! woodend is just down the road from us and if the weather plays nicely we might head over on the saturday.

Oz: i was the opposite lol...so didnt want Miss L to go back...i enjoy the laziness of not having to rush out of the house or make lunches ahead of time hahaha.

AFM: we are all pretty good. getting used to minus temperatures of a morning, but the sunshiney days really make up for it. i am still having some adjustment issues, i think i have boiled it down to two things: makes committing to work in melbourne harder and i just miss my old hood and the daily interaction of good friends. it is so fabulous up here and i am more social than ever and have been actually going out with girlfriends of a friday night, but i guess i am still moving in and my heart is not totally set on it. i vote that time will win out and i will come around, because humanly and objectively it is a gorgeous place.

[Artechim]

No real birthday idea around here MP. I don't know if I can be bothered with the whole party thing when we have only been here a couple of months and none of them have good friends yet. Might do a day away or something. Present wise, W is begging for a tablet but it seems so....something. I am not sure that it is suitable for a 7 year old, yet he has a nintendo DS that he plays so it wouldn't be any different to that, would it? Somehow it seems different though.

Oz, I can't believe how quickly that baby of yours is growing!! She is adorable. I am turning into the liking holidays sort - the allure of staying in bed longer, no rush or lunches.

Cass, I read some quote somewhere that you have to be present in the place you are in, not living elsewhere in your mind/heart. I am trying to be here but it is hard. I too miss all my old people, most were just casual friends but it is nice to have other people to talk to. And it is freaking cold!! But we will get there.

[MamaPan]

Hi everyone :-)
i am having some much needed time out today - it has truly been one of the most challenging weeks for me. so kids are at my BIL and SIL for a bit and I have done yoga, some serius retail therapy and now chilling at home. Cass - we are going to woodend tomorrow, let me know if you will be there. hoping the weather is ok for it, but I'll brave it anyway!
as i said its been an awful week. dh is away, ILs in italy, nanny in italy - was going to be a hard juggling act anyway.. but then one of my team members in sydney passed away v suddenly on mon night.... so awful. its filled me with anxiety as it was a heart attack (he was 41) and i am paranoid as my dad died at 39 from this... so as i get older i am mega anxious about it all. and i was devestated for the team and his family. anyway i spent wednesday u thetre with them which was so tough, but good too. it meant my poor mum cae over at 4am and tayed til 9pm (working in b/n) and it was also my bday! hard day. the kids have been to various friends afyer school - theyve loved it, but for me, who hates to ask for help - its like my fine balancing act came crashing down and my weaknesses were laid bare!!! anyway, the week s done, dh will be home tomorrow and i am looking to recharge my batteries with some great time with the boys.
for N bday I think we will do a lego party... i just need to book it in. we got J a scooter for hisbday, i am not sure what to get N. he would LOVe a tablet but i am not willing to get that just yet... maybe a remote control car as the main present... i'll have to think.
hope everyone else is doing well. x

[Artechim]

MP, our kids have loved remote controlled helicopters, although they don't tend to last that long. Something else W would love is one of those air hogs flying ball things.
Your week sounds exhausting! Must be a big shock losing a team member like that, what a young age for heart attacks - scary! I hope your weekend proves more relaxing than the week.

MD, how is your study going?

[AnyDream]

Cass, I read some quote somewhere that you have to be present in the place you are in, not living elsewhere in your mind/heart.

Them's true words! x

Arte - I'm glad to hear W is more his usual self again, but I encourage you to take some more steps re getting some support in place for the next time (because there will always be something that tips him out of equilibrium). Ten years on, I'm regretting not doing more to get support for whatever-it-is that DD1's got going on. While she seems to be doing ok, really the family is doing a lot of absorbing and compensating behind the scenes. And it's wearing us out. (And by the family, I mean mostly me). BTW how's the stopping smoking going? AND - thanks for asking about my study. I bombed out last semester (stress overload) but they've extended my deadlines so I'm back into it again now. I'm so freaking close to finishing and so really not close to finishing at all! LOL. How about you?

MP - Sorry you've had such a tough week. So shocking when someone dies so unexpectedly . I hope the weekend is having a restorative effect.

Re birthdays - I think we'll go for a little backyard party (as usual) with a bit of art/craft involved. I rediscovered shrinky dinks during the school hols - they are the Best Thing Ever & spot on for a not-too-difficult to organise party activity.

E will be getting a tablet (ipad mini) because we told her we would pay for half if she saved up the other half, and she has (!). I'm a little awkward about it, but she already plays with one of our (v.old) iphones sometimes, so the ipad will give her more activities and a bigger screen, but there will still be the same boundaries on its use. In our case, much harder not to go there when DD1 has multiple devices.

Oz - your little bubba is just gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Such a divine little smile. I can't believe it's been 2 months already!!

Cass, LOL I'm all about the YA right now too. Anything more = too taxing on the brainio. Plus I've got a constant stream of recommendations coming at me from DD1 & her pals. I think you just need a little more time breathing the country air then it will all seem right. xxx

Apologies for my extended absence. I was crazy busy (or maybe just crazy) for a little while back there, so I unplugged from my usual activities for a bit. School holidays were a bust. First week, I fell of the back stairs and mashed my ankle, then our much-loved cat died, and then there wasn't really very much left of the school hols! Still, we managed to rediscover shrinky dinks, learn french knitting, take in the Art Gallery, and have a few pleasant family outings. Not to mention a pyjama day or two.

[Artechim]

MD, great to see you! I hope you are feeling better now xx I know those patches where your life shrinks down to essentials because there is no brainpower or energy to manage any more
I have got something in place for W now - after waiting for ages to get an assessment done, we realised that we need more than a one off in the city so I have found someone local that we can see regularly. It took forever and a piece of luck to find a private practice - wasn't keen on waiting several months to see a paediatrician to get a referral and wait another few months to actually see someone in the public system. We have an initial appointment next week for background. She sounded great on the phone so hopefully we might get some actual help this time.
I totally know what you mean about absorbing it as a family. I guess even in the best of times we are still all sacrificing to allow for W's behaviour, walking on egg shells to keep the peace.

Stopping smoking is going well enough, I have a couple now and then if DH buys some but generally I don't even think about it.

I have just withdrawn from this semester of study, and didn't do any last semester either because of the move. I was getting really stressed about finding time to do it since I have Erin at home all the time. Next year she will be at kindy so it made no sense to squish it in this year with bucket loads of stress and then sit around half the day by myself next year. Still frustrated though - it is going to take me 5.5 years to finish a one year course! I hope this semester goes a lot better for you xx

I hadn't heard of shrinky dinks but they look good. I vaguely remember shrinking chip packets in the oven though.

ETA, I was very sorry to hear about your dear cat passing on MD. It leaves such a gap when they go Especially those ones that were a link with the pre-kids life.