Babies born~April 2007 #20

[Krisvee]

Hi!

Kel - How exciting your big move will be! It will be so nice for you to lose all of that pressure of work - I think you'll find just having a break from having to do it will give you a great opportunity to work out what you really want to do!
Glad your back seems to be getting a bit better!

Hey - I'm with you guys on the lack of support really...I had my mum talk to me for hours on end over the last couple of days - crying and what not over some issues she's got right now - so what I don't need right now - every now and then I get the - when is someone going to give a crap about how I'm going??? and it gets me a bit down but I soon snap myself out of it. LIke you guys I do feel proud that I've done it all on my own but I also hear of those families that have such great support that it does make me feel like I've missed out...in saying that mum says she's going to come over once a week or so once the babies born and give me hand - while it sounds all nice in theory now I'll be extremely surprised if she actually does it. Mums good at the talk but then something will come up and she'll be busy etc...I haven't heard from my sister in probably a month and my brother doesn't call much - I usually have to call him to see how he's going...My dad has just spent a month in the phillipines and got back and called me but didn't even ask how I or the kids are going...
LOL...such a screwed up family I tell you!
I'm kind of at a place where I feel I really need to reassess (and it's probably not such a good time when I'm so hormonal and emotional) who I WANT to have in my life...sometimes when I really think about it I can't really think of a good reason to have make an effort with some people iykwim???

Anyway, I'm going to stop blabbering because as you can tell I'm in one of the reflective moods - LOL! Enough to drive you all batty!

[MrsFabuloso]

Kris, I have been feeling much the same as you have. Sometimes I wonder what is so wrong with me that people don't seem to want to make an effort to have much to do with me. I have tried to reconnect with friends from school, who i had fallen out of touch with. One was my best friend since kindy. She had a baby a bit after Liam was born, she would have just had her first birthday. I had been calling her every few months and I invited my friend and bub to Liams bday. I decided that I would leave the ball in her court, and have heard nothing since Li's bday.

I also found another old school friend on FB. I called her and admittedly she's in Qld (funnily enough int he same town DH's family live!) but I was calling her and visited her when we went up there last year. She came to Sydney a few months ago and didn't come to see me. I have messaged her a few times since then and she always gets back to me, but nothing has been initiated by her. I don't have best friends.

I have a good friend I worked with, who is on mat leave at the moment. But it seems that if we don't see each other often, we don't talk. I called her the other day, but she was busy. She always invites me to family things, like her kids bdays and things like that, but it's such an effort to organise things together, with both having DH's who are cops (therefore shift workers) and two kids each.

Just makes me sad that I feel liek such a looser, lol! I don't think I'm an offensive person. No not the life of the party, but still I'm ok!! But not even my family take the time to make an effort for me. I told mum I was suffering with depression, and had pretty bad (undiagnosed) PND and I got nothing from her. Told her I hated my life here and hate working and all of that which is why we feel we have to move, still nothing. My best friend is DH. And lately we havn't been spending much time 1:1. It's just not possible. But we have each other and things will be evened out as the kids get bigger, we jsut have to wait this tough time out.

Makes me sad that my mum isn't a better grandmother and mother to me right now. I really need her support. She tells me all the time she's been here and done it. If I knew what my child was going through and it was such a difficult time in her life, I would want to do everything possible to make it all that much easier. My friend tells me her mum comes to her house (which is a 35min drive) to visit at least every 2nd day. Somedays she even sleeps there to help her. I so wouldn't want my kids to have such a tough time as I feel like I have. I want them to enjoy early parenthood. I want them to have strong relationships with me their children and partner.

Ok enough from me. You got me started and I'll never stop!!

[Krisvee]

LOL Kel...god help us if we ever get together in real life! We'd be unstoppable gasbagging!

I think a big thing to do is to change our own mindsets. So rather than feel the victims of what other people give or don't give us we need to empower ourselves.
It's a bit of self preservation rather than setting ourselves up for diappointment. You soon learn who will be there and who won't...
I have some really gorgeous friends I must admit - and quite a few of them offer me help at times but I feel that I can't accept it for some reason - whereas I guess with mum I feel like she should be there to offer it more because she's my mum??? Don't know if that makes sense or not...

Anyway, best not to compare ourselves to those people that have tonnes of help and support - this will make us so much stronger and more resilient and teach us important lessons...everything happens for a reason!!

[MrsFabuloso]

LOL, Kris @ meeting one day. Noone else would get a word in! HEHE! I hoep we do all meet one day IRL. It would be so great. We all know each other so well but don't, lol! Well you Melbourne girls do, but it would be great to have all of us there!

I'm really trying to be 'the bigger person' so to speak, and not dwell on the fact that I don't have what I want from my family and friends. Like you said before I think I need to review who I really want in my life. Who really means something to me and has made the effort. But if I did that I'd have noone!! Gosh for the past few years, if I didn't have you girls here to whine to I would have gone bananas!
I do know what you mean about accepting help from friends. You expect your family to be there for you and to be wanting to offer help and give you the best. I mean friends should too, but not like your family should.
I try not to campare my situation to others. It does get me down. Makes me sad. Alot of people don't understand why I have no help when my family is 5 mins from me. My boss at work is one. She can't understand when I take days off work for my kids whne I have a mother to look after them. She always asks why mum can't look after them. Well, besides the fact they are MY children and it's my job to look after them, my mother had refused to look after them both at once and now she won't look after either of them anymore, so just because she's close to me does not mean I have support.

[minimatron]

Hey Kris- i wasnt sure if we were still meeting up tomorrow but I cant anyway. I am helping out a friend looking after her 3 kids. Shes just had to pull her twin boys out of kinder this week because on Monday they called her because one of them had an accident and pooed his pants... which was fine. She was 20 minutes away and when she got there the poor little boy was standing in the wash room with a wet jumper on, wet socks and the door open. It was a cold day. He was freezing. He had poo smeared all over his legs. So shes meeting with the council to discuss it and also saw childrens services yesterday. Poor little bugger, apparently when she walked in he said mum mum i'm cold. Its just so terrible. Their excuse was that they didnt have the facilities to clean him up. Gees...at least make him comfortable while waiting for her to collect him and give him some dignity and cover him up. She is so upset about it. So I offered to help her out tomorrow. Looks like my next visit to see you will be when Jayden has arrived Hope youre feeling better.

Hello to everyone else. I have to go clean the house. We had the power out for about 2 hours so I need to vacume the sandpit off the floor the girls brought home from daycare!

[MrsFabuloso]

Mel, that is really poor treatment of your friend little one. Poor little man. It is absolutely NO excuse that they didn't have the facilities to give him a bath. They could at least have wiped the poo off him with toilet paper or a flannel or wet ones or SOMETHING!! Besides him being pooey, he was wet too! She must have felt terrible walking in on him like that. Your friend should put it all in writing and give it to them as well as speaking to the council. Maybe even contact DoCS.

[Krisvee]

Hi!

Kel - Big hugs...it's just all part of life's lessons I suppose!!

Mel - Omg...that's awful!! Are they in 3yo or 4yo kinder?? Surely they should be prepared for an accident like that...they're still only such little kids really. I hope your friend gets it all sorted out!

We're just chilling out at home today...managed to even get my kitchen clean (I know, doesn't sound like a big deal but it was an absolute health hazard - lol) so am on my way to a sparkly house by the end of the long weekend I hope! Just want to feel ready for bubs to arrive! Have to be careful not to overdo it though as I'm not seeing the chiro until monday week and I don't want to be hobbling around like an invalid until then!!

Hope you all have a great weekend! Chat later!

[minimatron]

Yes it was terrible...shes had a few meetings with childrens services and the council together with the kinder. It was 4 year old kinder. I spoke with her breifly and she seemed happy with the outcomes.

We are off to Maldon for the long weekend. Looking forward to it, except for the fact that I have nasty thrush and a bacterial infection...think pg related? Hopefully it clears up.

have a good weekend.

Oh by the way...my tummy has already popped out and I am only 7w3d!

[Krisvee]

Hi!

Glad to hear that the outcome is good for your friend! Have a great weekend away - have you been to the dr?? Would want to get onto that quick!
Wow at already having your tummy pop!! How exciting!

Just realised that all has been written really badly...lol...so tired...must have an early night tonight - have been having lots of pre-labour today and am feeing it...got some housework done though so happy about that...Chat later!

[minimatron]

Kristie...I wrote it bad too. am tired. Yep, I went to the gp to talk to him about my vagina issues...I was so embarressed but he is such a lovely dr...he used to be an obstetrician so he said he has seen lots of vaginas! I have antibiotics and canestin to clear it up.
As for the tummy.... my mum came over and the first thing she asked was am i pregnant? I said I was bloated from constipation!!!

[Kazbah]

ack!

Kel - that sux with your mum, I know what you mean, we all need our support. DH & I had a really huge fight the other night cause he didn't want me to tell people I was preggers (with Pip) at all, and when a couple of blokes at work saw me they did tell me I was preggers, and congratulated DH. If we get preggers again, he doesn't want me to tell anyone at all. Wtf??? Anyhows, I was in a "poor me" mood and upset that I hadn't had a baby shower, kitchen tea, hens' night, christening/naming day or engagement party - that I felt we were keeping people who want to support us away and don't let them support us, celebrate our milestones - he said that Pip's first b/day we had a party (and only invited his family, my parents & our neighbour to it) and that was enough. Then he had the gall to say that he was too busy to give me the support I need!!!! MEN! Yay on the move, that sounds ace!!!!

Kris - do take it easy chick. And let people help, they don't offer unless they mean it! Where are you having J ? I do like your idea of sorting your friends, it needs to happen for your sanity, you can't carry their loads when you have so much to carry already, and they don't help.

Mel - wow on the popping out! And shame on the kinder for that treatment, I hope that he hasn't caught cold or anything. That truely is disgusting.

Us - same ol' same ol'. Pip's doing a lot more "helping" DH around the house. He's really a little sponge and says some funny things, so serious.
Kris - thanks for the tip on Pip-time, this week the mum/mum/mummies has dropped considerably, and my sanity has started to return!!! I just don't know how you do it with 3! Oooh and speaking of constipation, poor little man had such a horrid case he was crying as he was doing this huge hard poo, we put him on his potty and that helped him, but it was covered in bloody mucus. DH had strict instructions to up the fruit content in his diet!!!!

[Krisvee]

Hi!

Kaz - Big hugs about your argument with dh...they really don't understand us women at times but it's our job it make them! LOL! It can take time but it's worth the persistance to get the results we want! hehe. Next time you want to do something I would just say that your doing it anyway and invite those that you want...don't want to live with regrets my darling!!
I'm so glad things have settled with Pip a bit...makes life a lot easier that's for sure! xo Good luck with upping the fruit intake - poor little man...

I'm having Jayden at the Angliss again! Hope labours not too quick as it take me about 35-40min to get over there - LOL - I'm sure it will be all fine though!

I actually had one of my old school friends (who I was meant to see but cancelled the dinner) email me back saying - but you haven't even seen my engagement ring - which is obviously a big thing for her of course but they have never seen me when I've had my babies, never called or emailed to see how I am generally (only when it's time to organise a dinner) and if anything have always turned their noses up at how many kids I have and the whole baby thing...I mean, really - why would I spend my time with people like that???? I kind of feel bad even writing that all down - I'm one of those people that like to do the right thing but I guess being busy and tired with another baby on the way is just making me reassess my time and who I want to spend it with!! I can't possibly do everything now and I have so many different circles of friends I just truly can't be there for everything...I'll always do my best but my wellbeing and that of my kids and husband has to come first!!! (wow - that really does sound selfish doesn't it??? LOL!)

Better go, Have to get organised - Louis has sports this morning and then we're off for last minute baby (and me!) shopping this afternoon...Chat later!

[MrsFabuloso]

Hi all

Mel, I'm glad your friend sorted things out with the chilcare. Is she sending him back there? I remember when I was pg with Liam I popped pretty early, then it slowed down once i reached about 12wks! Hope you have a great weekend away and your 'down there' problems aren't too much of a problem, lol!! It must be so hard for you to keep this from your family! I think I would explode!

Kaz, yeah, I'm lucky I have DH, he's really is good, even though I whinge about him, lol! And he's all I have got in the way of real support. Hug's to you for your argument with your DH. As Kris said, they just so don't get it! We didn't have any kind of celebrations for our kids when they were born either, I didn't have an engagement, hens night, baby shower or any of that either. More so because I had noone to organise it for me than the fact that we just didn't have it! I didn't have any celebrations for my 30th bday either, even though I wanted to. But I thought about it and had hardly anyone to invite, those that I mentioned it to all said they were busy. So I just gave up. And felt sorry for myself, lol! As for not telling people you're pg, well some people just need to know. And then there's what I said to Mel, I think I would just explode not telling people. I'm not one for keeping things like that to myself, lol! I'm having to keep the moving thing under my hat for now (from work) and I am sooo desperate to tell people!
I'm glad to hear Pip is settling a bit for you now. Lil is testing me when I go to work. When I get home she is a horror some days. I go to pick her up from childcare and as soon as she sees me she starts crying and whinging. She is the queen of whinging! The carers at the centre can't believe the change in her when I pick her up. They say she's soo good when she's there, but whne I come, she turns on the tears! I find that if I spend 30-45mins sitting on the floor with her, having a small snack and snuggling while watching tv, colouring in or reading helps her to reconnect with me for the day. She just wants my attention and doesn't know how to tell me that. It tends to help the tanties...well most of the time!

Kris, I don't think your reasons for not having peopel in your life are selfish at all. They are realistic and true. You and your family are the most important things in your life, you need to prioritise that and make sure it is all good before you worry about other peoples issues.

Ok gotta go, have a great weekend everyone!!

[Kazbah]

I'll always do my best but my wellbeing and that of my kids and husband has to come first!!! (wow - that really does sound selfish doesn't it??? LOL!)

Geeeze Kris! Selfish would be not putting your DH & kids into that equation. Or not saying "I'll always do my best". Anyhooos, it's always so refreshing to declutter, no matter if its junk, friends or other. The space always gives room to breathe.

Us - argh, the rain! Pip's so in need of running, DH will take him out tomorrow even if its raining again!!!!

Hope everyone had a good weekend, catchya soon.

[Krisvee]

Hi!

Kaz - I hear you on the rain - it's got me worried how I'll go having 4 little boys to entertain over winter!! LOL! Will have to get super organised with lots of fun for them to do indoors...maybe stock up on a few new dvd's to pull out when they're particularly feral! lol!
I wish I could declutter my mum! LOL! Sounds nasty but that woman does my head in - but I also get cross at myself for talking to her and actually being the one to call - and then I instantly regret it - why do I do that to myself??? Very silly of me...

Kel & Mel - Hope you had a great weekend!!

We've had a fairly quiet one...got lots of clothes shopping organised for the boys and feel a bit more on top of things. Had my cousin visit me yesterday which was really nice (she's in her late 40's and I don't know her very well but she lives in Cranbourne - she's so nice and loves the boys...was also funny to hear from her perspective that my mums been loopy since well before I was born - lol) Then we had a couple of friends visit today so have had quite a relaxing weekend!
Dylan spent the night in my bed and dh slept in his bed cos he's come down with a cold. He's my super sooky boy when he's sick...I'm expecting him to the same tonight although so far so good...It doesn't bother me when it's because he's sick though...nice to have the cuddles. He's been so gorgeous lately - he comes up and says "I'm your bestest friend mummy, you're such a beautiful girl mummy, I love you mummy" awwwwww....wish I could press pause on these scrummy boys of mine some days!!!
Through BB I am meeting with a girl this week who has just studied to be a doula and needs to assist people so hopefully she will make it to Jaydens labour. I'm really hoping so because I think it will be really great, especially if I'm induced again...has me freaked out a little but I know I can do it...but am just really hoping it can all happen naturally. Trying not to think about it too much as it's really out of my control but it is also hard not to sometimes iykwim...

Ok...better get myself sorted - def need an early night after having such a bad sleep with Dylan last night....hope you're all well -chat later!

[Kazbah]

Hey Kris, there's a calmbirth lecture this weekend with a late cancellation - want the link? Could be interesting!!! Oh no on the car

Yeah, I got a couple of felt people kits from Aldi, some "magic paint" (you know, you paint with water and the colour appears?) books, some magnetic people, a couple of sticker books and some pop-out books to keep the boys (DS / DH!) amused. Woolies has some easter activity books for around $2 ... There's also a thread someone started who has a toddler and diagnosed with SPD so lots of ideas in that thread too ...

More "pip time" today, not a single "mum"!!!! woohooo Kris, I think you cracked it, and restored my sanity!! yay!!!!

us - ummm nothing really. Just preparing to face the fact that I'm about to join LTTTC forum ... DH is on notice for Fri/Sun/Tues as theoretically I'm O'in on Monday ... (the ticker's one day out). Wish me luck!

[MrsFabuloso]

HELLLOOOOO, where is everyone???

Well, I am feeling very not like being a mummy today. Really feel the need to get away and I would love to spend time with DH, away from home, just us. But aside from the fact we just can't afford to really do anything like dinner and a movie, we have no babysitters to look after the monsters. DH has told me to get out and have some lunch alone. Which is great, but it will be just that, alone. How boring. As much as I like my own company, I would really love to be with him today for some reason. We just snuggled together on the lounge this morning watching the kids play, which is nice, but Liam gets really jealous of dh being so close and buts in all the itme, lol! Then Lily gets jealous of Liam being near me and comes and sits on me too, so it ended up being a big rumble together, hahaha!
My mum called me yesterday and I ended up a huge sobbing mess from what she was saying to me. She can be so nasty at times. She doesn't think about how she affects other people and is so 'woe is me'. She's yet to say one thing positive about us moving. She's making herself sooo sick too with anxiety, not eating, vomiting, headaches. I am trying my best not to feel guilty, but it is hard when she keeps on reiterating how she was doing 'so well' before I told her we were moving (although she still wasn't able to go out to the shops alone without freaking out!). Then yesterday she tells me that I should not be surprised if I get a phone call to say she's had a nervous breakdown and she's in a nut house somewhere and that she's been tempted to take an OD of the valium she has to help her sleep. I ended up hanging up on her for the ifrst time in my life. But I was crying so much I literally couln't talk to her. Poor Damien and the kids! Liam was sooo worried and started to cry himself. Ugh, I hate what she's doing to herself and how she makes me feel. I just pray that I will never make my children feel like that ever in my life.
Anyway, Liams going to bed, which is my cue for some time out of the house. Going to get a coffee and a scrumptious nutty yogurt that a shop makes down the road. Might squeeze in some caramel cheese cake before I come home too. So not in a healthy mood!!

[Krisvee]

Oh big hugs Kel!!!! You poor bugger having to deal with all of that...how unfair!! No wonder you're feeling the way you do today - what an emotional drain. I know it's soo so so hard but try to remember that this is her problem and you are no way responsible...I so hope you enjoy your time out today! You deserve a break!

Kaz - So glad to hear things are going well with Pip! Wishing you all the very best with TTC this month!!!!

Mel - How are you going???

Dis - where are you??

As for me, going pretty well other than feeling like a zombie most of the time! Had my hosp appt yesterday and another blood test so will be interesting to see what my iron and vit d levels are like...
Organised a cleaner finally which I'm excited about!! So can't be bothered cleaning. Have a whole lot of new stretch marks which is nice - LOL - who would have thought 4th time around I'd get more??? Crazy!
Still waiting on our new car...so frustrated - it's looking like Tue/Wed next week now...So after we get it bubs can make his appearance any time! LOL!
Boys are well - doing very well at occupying themselves most of the time. We've all had colds this week - Ethan was the most affected - little snot machine but he's such a trooper and still slept through every night!!! We're all on the mend now though...

Umm..that's about it from me! Hope you're all well and enjoying your weekend! Chat later!