I have 4 very cheeky little energetic boys!
I assume you guys have good night time routines in order? Sooo important!
Also, make sure they get enough of your focused time and attention each! I find the more they've been left to their own devices through the day (even if they've been happy doing it) there usually comes a time when it all just explodes and they go crazy...
Another thing I've just done is print out a routine - no real times but just a basic flow of events - morning, lunch and afternoon/dinner. Louis can read it but Dylan and Ethan know what happens based on the pictures...pm or facebook me with your email and I'll send it to you so you can get an idea of the stuff on it if you like....
I also find with Dylan who is hard to get to focus, it's important to actually make eye contact with him before I ask him to do anything - if I yell it across the room there is every chance he won't "hear" me and just keeps on ignoring me...
I gently remind them if we don't get x done we might not have time for y...or Mummy needs her helpers to get everything done so we can all eat dinner together.
A fun thing we've been doing around the table right now is asking every person what their favourite part of the day was...makes everyone feel like they have something to say and they usually remind us now to start the conversation. Am loving the shift to no tv and even sometimes no music over dinnertime. The kids are really enjoying have a good chat!
I've been reading some awesome stuff at the moment on concious parenting and unconditional parenting and am now removing time out from my discipline even though that's how I've mostly based things...I'm learning about listening to our children be emotional without trying to shut them down, or get cross at them. It's very trying but so rewarding. Ethan was having a huge tantrum about getting dressed this morning and I just sat near him and didn't really say anything and he cried and cried for about 5min and then when he slowed down I asked if he wanted a hug...he said yes, we had a hug and I held his clothes out and he got dressed with no drama. It was so nice to have that without me losing my cool and us all getting emotional!
Hope there's some ideas that help...I'm doing a whole lot of reading etc at the moment and have enrolled in an aware parenting course next month so that I can learn some new tactics...
Am realising that I don't need to fix my children and make them behave but I need to look at myself and how I react to things and how I deal with my emotions...
I'm actually in the process of setting up a blog and facebook page where I can spout off all my opinions...I'm so full of it at the moment...lol...my favourite new thing this week is: It's when our children are the least deserving of our attention and love that they need it the most...so true...
Just think of putting yourself in your kids shoes - would we like someone speaking to us like that?
Sorry...will stop blabbering now...could write about it all night...lol...
hope you all have peaceful days with the kiddies tomorrow...so hard sometimes!!!
thanks Kris I'd be interested in that chart and also your blog when you start it. I guess with us, cause DH is the primary carer and I won't be at home from next week that I'm finding it really hard to discuss his parenting with him - he doesn't "do" books or websites or any kind of education about raising kids. He really does just leave Pip to his own devices all day - I've more-or-less enforced that Pip can feed the chooks every day, and after the first day DH says it's too hard so he won't do it! I know that Pip can do it, he's good at it, DH just sees it as something that takes longer than it should, not as a parenting tool, ITMS?
Completely makes sense...that is definitely a difficult situation...I think maybe rather than talk to him about the way he does things in particular make it a family thing?? I know if I ever point out to Michael specifically he tends to get his back up (as we can all do if we feel we're being criticised) I try and say it in terms of "I read this and I think as a family we should bla bla bla...we can do this by bla bla bla" It can be hard to work out of our comfort zones sometimes - much easier to go with what we know whether it works or not - LOL!
Michael and I are highly frustrated people...we struggle when things don't go according to plan or are more difficult than need be and we're working on it at the moment to create a calmer home for the boys...we can see that Louis has really picked up on our tone that we use and to be honest it scares me a bit...I don't want him to feel like that really thus why I'm spending all this time trying to change things...our kids have some good tempers on them and I want them to learn how to handle their emotions rather than fly off the handle which is probably what they've seen at times from us!
We are all really children raising children if we don't deal with our stuff...
Anyway...won't go on too much - I have a lot of stuff flying around in my head these days...lol...
I don't have your email Kaz - send it to me and I'll attach the word documents of the kids routine...As for my blog I've set up a facebook page - inspired growth...
Kris, it totally makes sense what you're saying. All the things I don't like doing, I end up doing in frustration or when I'm tired and grumpy. The kids always get the raw end of the deal there. I mean if I can't handle my emotions, how can I expect them to reign in theirs? I wouldn't mind having that stuff too if you don't mind. I'll PM you my email address if you don't mind
When I do things I don't want to it's out of being dog tired and frustrated too. I hate smacking Liam (and yes, I mostly do only smack him, but he's the one pushing me to my absolute limits at the moment. When I say I will put him into his room for time out, he asks to go there...I put him in there go back 2mins later and he's pulled the beds apart and throw his clothes everywhere. Like you Melinda, my kids get the raw end too. I know why I do it. I'm tired. I try not to. I try to ignore it. But by ignoring it and letting him do it, he just does more. Double edged sword. And when I say I smack him, it's not an every day thing! I don't want everyone thinking I'm terrible to my child! Half the time he runs away happily after I do it anyway as if I had just swatted a fly on him... I hate it because I was, I am a very gentle person. When I was working I would be the one to deal with the really difficult children because I had the patience time and energy for them. But now I just can't muster that for my own kids. I'm too tired, feel too pressured....(I don't know I can't string my words together well- too tired, after too many days of 4 hrs broken sleep!) Totally sucks.
well I totally lost it today. Took Pip to the shops, alone. He wanted lunch, so we had a lovely shared plate of chips, nuggets & spring rolls. He had a milkshake, I had a pot of tea. After that he wouldn't get out of the car ride as we were walking up to the butcher. I ended up hiding behind a telstra stand so I could see him, him not me, he eventually discovered that I wasn't there and the cries of "i wanna ride" changed to "I want my mum". Finally walked to the butcher, after 3 more tanties where I just continued walking, didn't buy into them. While at the butcher he ran up and down with my shopping cart/trolley thing, running over people's feet. Then at the fruit & veg he had a tantie as he wanted to put stuff from the basket onto the counter. It was chest-high for me! Then he didn't want to wait for me to load the shopping cart and had another tantie. Calmed down while we chose flowers. Finally leaving and he grabbed onto a display of gluten-free, dairy-free nut-free chocolate bunnies and pulled it over in another tantie cause I wouldn't buy him one, I caught it just before it smashed into the ground and lucky a couple helped me pick up the eggs. I was shaking, crying, yelling at Pip who was trying to run away still. I don't know what to do. I can't face him.
Oh Kaz, that sounds like the shopping trip from hell You poor thing. I have no advice though sorry, because you did exactly what I would have done and ignored the tantrums as long as you could.
Kel, of course we don't think you're a bad mum. Most of us here have more than one (all of actually I think) and we know how hard ANYTHING is when you are so tired you can barely stand. I rarely smack too, very rarely, but I do do it and feel awful afterwards. It's so damn hard to stay in control when you are at the end of your rope.
Having said all that, I have had a rotten day. The kids have been great (well Josh is possibly having his worst ever day, but that's not too bad still), but I'm just exhausted after such a full on day yesterday and carting my 6kg+ bundle of joy around today. Totally buggered!
Kaz thats sounds blooming awful. You did well to last that long. I am a mean mother and here is what I would have done..... oh and I have done it before with Miss Olivia.... If she cracks it and starts demanding things, I give her a warning.. or if she wont come with me coz she wants a ride on those stupid rides, I also walk off. If she does it again we go home. She knows I mean it too and I am happy to cut our time short if she carries on. I would have cried if she had done all of that. Dont beat yourself up about it though. You are doing the best you can. Its all a learning lesson for us as parents. You cant be expected to know what to do all the time.
Kel- I dont think you are a bad mum. Your are doing an amazing job, especially being so far from anyone and not having a great deal of support. You are tired and at the end of your tether... its ok, youre not super human, be kind to yourself..... that goes to all of you!
Mel- I fly off the handle too and Ada is a shocker for it. I see his temper in the girls and its scary. Its like looking in the mirror. Hope you have a better day tomorrow and get some rest
Kris- I love your way of thinking. You do such a womderful job. I am very interested in the stuff youre talking about.....
Anyway things are ok here.... had a chat with the nurse/midwife at my local clinic who thinks its not normal for af to not have returned and she suggested getting some bloods done. Am still thinking about #4.... what do you think Kristie???
I was going to say Kristie... what are you doing up so late? Just as you were finishing up I was getting up for a feed and to resettle Rebecca... Now Amy has decided to wake at 450 for half a feed and bum change and a bit of a play. Might see if I can get some more sleep.... doubt it though. Its these times when I think... could I do it again?
Bugger, bugger, bugger! The ONE night that both Josh and Jared sleep through for NINE HOURS, Ben is up from 2:30!!! Seriously, he sleeps like a log 99.9% of the time, why did he pick last night to be up? Think of the sleep I could have had!!!!
Mel - Yeah...I was still up...I'm a shocker lately - staying up far too late really. I just enjoy the peace and quiet and then I get so tired I can't be bothered actually getting ready for bed...lol!
Having another baby is a big decision...I personally found going from 2-3 a lot harder but 3-4 is a bigger change in regards to car, space in the home and money...not that I would base my decision on that but it is a factor that's for sure! Louis has started school and it's no big deal to pay his fees etc but then I thought about when I have 4 of them all paying fees, fundraising, going on camps and excursion, after school sports etc...I'm not one to complain but I'm sure we'll feel the strain at some point. Also, I'm not the kind of person that could let them miss out on something - I want them to have all the 3opportunity they would get if there was only 1 or 2 children...
On actually making the decision - I just went through such a week of turmoil the other week knowing that I wasn't having any more - I think if Michael hadn't had the snip I would have been wanting another one...I think a lot of it's hormonal because I'm feeling fine now and actually have had many moments thinking I just couldn't possibly go through it again...I will forever miss being p/g and that first moment of having a baby lifted to my chest, meeting a new little personality we've just created and brought into the world but I also have a lot of work to do to make the lives of the 4 that I do have work as well as I can! For me that has made it easier...In saying all that I wouldn't change a thing - Jayden is already 1 and it has gone by in such a blur...I feel like I'm gaining some clarity now and I feel like the fun is really ready to begin!!
As for af...are you still feeding? Seems odd that they would be so worried about it so early?
Kaz - Big hugs to you...you poor bugger - I think we all would have lost the plot with a day like that!
I have certain things I do to try and help with outings - setting expectations before we leave the car - we're going to x and x, I expect you to be on your best behaviour and listen to mum and make sure you stay close by and hold my hand..I make sure we keep moving pretty quickly...throw in a bit of window shopping that they like. If they are stubborn at a ride or a shop I just try and distract them - c'mon we're going...race you to the next shop/Ooh look in the window up ahead - can you find a D for dylan?/we're going to x would you like to pay the shopkeeper/would you like to pick out x/let's hurry and get our jobs done so we can do x or go home and play whatever?
I dont' know if any of that makes sense or helps at all...
I think you're doing a great job and remember you've got a new little bubba zapping all of your energy as well...makes it very hard to deal with things the best way - trust me - I've lost it plenty of times!!
Kel - Of course you're not terrible! You're tired and depleted...it's so hard to come up with the goods when we're running on empty...I've been there and I understand...it's those times though that we need to find a way to refuel. I also understand how hard that can be - especially as you're isolated...we each have our different ways. I know how especially hard it was on me last year when Michael was away so much and that is pretty much how your living consistently and now even more so with your move. Find a way to rejuvenate that fits with your lifestyle and is achievable...for me often it's reading. Yes, it would be great to have a day to myself or even a weekend away but it's not going to happen anytime soon so I need other ways to get the same effect...
I used to feel really guilty about this and I've been trying so hard with this calm parenting and on Saturday I didn't get much sleep and I'd discussed with dh the night before for me to have a small sleep in...he changed his mind in the morning and I got up with the baby and I was so cranky...I stayed up for about an hour/ 1 and a half and then I just went in, woke him up and said nup, can't do this - I need a break. He got up pretty quickly because he could see I was pretty serious and also I think he probably felt he'd done the wrong thing anyway and I got an extra hour or 2 sleep and felt fantastic the rest of the day...
In the past I would have just been irritated, resentful etc and we probably would have had a rotten day but I knew that's what I needed...and you know what? If I don't look after me how is anyone else going to? And If I don't look after me what am I settling my kids up for in their future - that we wear ourselves in to the ground? That we give to everyone but ourselves? That we put up with less than we deserve? Sometimes that's enough to snap me right out of it all and think - No, I want my kids to care for themselves like I care for them because one day they won't have me making sure they're ok...
Dis - Sorry to hear you had a rough day - what a bugger Ben was up...always the way...can be very frustating though!
As for us, Louis is having a day off today because I said he could come to playgroup with us...it's been so strange not having him home that I thought it would be nice for him to have a normal day...he was testing me a bit this morning with schoolboy craziness but he's been busy ready books for the last half an hour and settled down a little...
Anyway, best get ready for playgroup...meant to be there in half an hour and we're not organised at all!
Thanks Kristie.... I will look over your reply over and over again and really have a think about things. I know I want my kids to have the opportunities I didnt get coming from a family of 8. Im not saying my upbringing wasnt great, it was, there was lots of love around and friendships. We werent able to do a lot coz of financial constraints.... our last family holiday was when I was 9 and there was only 4 of us. I never did any extra curricular activities and the only way I got to go to the school of my choice (because I had such a bad time at the local public school) was in year 9 when I was able to get a job at the local McDonals so I could contribute to my fees and books and uniform. I dont want my kids to have to do that. I dont want them to think that things are given to them on a silver platter though... I enjoyed being from a big family. I also enjoy having my girls and I could see 1 more in the mix. I think it would be managable too. Financially and emotionally for me. I definately know that I wouldnt have any more after that....
And that leads me to my issues with AF. I stopped breastfeeding Amy at 8 weeks, which was just before Christmas. I am not on any contraception and just wanted to see how long it would take for things to go back to normal naturally. Its now been 4 months with no sign of AF. That coupled with the fact that I am really looking after myself and trying to loose weight and I cant is starting to worry me a bit. I might just get some bloods done to see what my hormone levels are doing.
I also wanted to thank you for the tip you gave me in your last post. Olivia had a melt down this morning and I started yelling and then I though about what you had written. So I let her go until she calmed down a bit and asked her if she would like a cuddle. She did and we sat there and talked about how she was feeling. She said she was upset because she thought I was mad at her.... I explained how I felt and the problem was resolved much quicker.... thank you
Well today I have Amys 2nd hip u/s. She has uneven creases so we are off to explore it. Praying that nothing is wrong.
Hey girls long time no post.....
Amys ultrasound came back fine. She cut her first tooth at Maldon which was a nightmare and shes still not sleeping too well at home. Last night she went to bed at 9pm and had a feed at midnight, again at 3am and was awake around 5 for another feed at 615. All the while I have the flu and feel like crap! And to top it off Adam is going away for the weekend... yay yay yay for me!!!
We had the girls Batism on the 17th which was great. I must post some pics up. They looked so pretty in their dresses.
Oh I ended up getting AF on my wedding anniversary... 12th April! That was something special. No just to monitor my cycles. Havent thought too much about having any more babies at the moment. I just need to get through now!
Olivia is doing well. SHes been really cheeky and rude lately. Also pushes Rebecca around a lot. However Becca is starting to push back!
Ok have to cut this short.... Becca is up and shes got to do her morning wee. Been tting her for nearly 3 weeks. Shes had a few accidents but is working it all out. Just not really keen on cleaning poo from the old undies!!!
Mel, big hugs hunny! I know how you feel I had a pretty ordinary week last week too with illness, Liam had croup, DH and I have got chest infections, I had a tummy bug, gastro, fevers and mild mastitis. My god I thought I would die at one stage, lol! But all is well now, 'cept for a god awful cough that we all have, except Caelan, thankfully! Hope you're feeling better soon.
We are tt'ing Liam too, what fun that is, so much more work than with Lily! I actually have to take him and remind him every hour or so to go. Plus the joy (for me, not!-no pun intended, hehe) of him playing with himself and giving himself erections....so gross to see one on a little boy!
Would love to see piccies of your princesses on their big day!
Yay for AF coming for you! I've already got mine back too, boohoo, I don't wnat it back! Along with all fertile signs....DH and I have to be very careful! Only using condoms at the mo(sorry...tmi??) and I'm terrified one will split, lol! But I can't go back on any chemical/hormone contraception because my milk supply gets affected really badly. Plus DH is getting the snip....one day, lol! Makes it all so final though, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I am pretty sure I don't want another, and DH is dead set against it, so it won't happen anyway, but it's just the end then...I dunno, silly maybe!
Ok gotta go and catch up on a weeks worth of cleaning....
Hi girls. hows it going? Hope you are all well. We have all been sick... almost for 4 weeks someone has been ill. Olivia has had a bad chest infection and conjunctivitis and then reacted to her medication. She was ok with the amoxicillan that he gave her. She seems to be on the mend now... as does Rebecca who had had tonsilitis and an ear infection. Amy is doing well.... cutting teeth so as well as can be!
Olivia is going well. She is mostly really helpful and happy and funny and loving. I was just saying to Adam the other night that at 4 she is much easier to deal with when sick because shes so good at verbalising whats wrong. Whereas Rebecca just sooks because she isnt able to explain. Olivia is growing up so fast... shes also testing a lot of boundries too. When she gets mad she rushes over and hits me. She has such a big temper on her! Shes looking forward to going to 4 year old kinder and we are already starting to look at primary schools.
Anyway, better go..... might try for an early night.... ppffftt!!! if I do that I will be up all night as punishment! Take care x o
Mel, we've had illnesses left, right and centre here. Ben's the only one who seems to be avoiding it *touch wood*. Jared has a horrible cough, Josh has croup and I have shingles and this morning feel really nauseous and a bit delicate in the tummy. DH said his throat was really sore too, so we'll have to see how that pans out. I think it's just the time of year for it unfortunately. Nights are bloody cold here at the moment. I finally bought a vaporiser and I am in love with it. Josh has been sleeping SO well since we put it in his room. Should have bought one years ago!
We've applied for a school for Ben for Year 1 in 2013. I really want him to get in as it has extension programs for reading and maths and has a brilliant reputation in the area, but since he isn't applying for the Kinder or Prep intake, his chances of getting in are diminished. We won't take him out of Montessori until he finishes the program though so it's a chance we have to take. Scary thinking of them at school isn't it?
We're having a few issues with Ben and his frustration boiling over into hitting as well. Also dobbing! He's the big dobber at school and his teacher has spoken to me about it a few times. We've spoken to him about it, but it's like he can't help himself. The teacher says he knows what every single other kid in his class is doing at any one time and if they step a toe out of line, BAM, he's off to tell her! It's interfering with his work because he's paying more attention to the others, but I don't know what to do about it! Apart from that and the usual not listening though, he's doing really well. He bugs the crap out of us by trying to sound out every word that he hears and trying to read every word he sees, but it's kinda cool when it's not irritating
Jared is such a fun, fun personality, but at the same time it has it's drawbacks. He is as cheeky as you can possibly believe and has a bit of 'tude on him.
Josh is an absolute delight. He's so happy and placid. Loves a chat and is constantly, constantly smiling. No rolling (no surprise there, I don't think he can get his 8.5kgs butt off the floor!), but he has almost got sitting solo down pat. He's 4.5 months now and looks about 7 months. Naughty boy, he was supposed to stay little for a long, long time
I'm not finding having the three of them as hard as I thought it would be. Everybody always commented that going from two to three was really difficult, but that's not the case for me. The hardest times are the school run of a morning and the solo bedtimes. It's just such a challenge getting three kids fed, dressed and presentable, or the whole teeth-brushing, story-reading thing of a nighttime when they're all trying to go in different directions. I counted that I have less than 100 more solo bedtimes now until DH quits his job so that's not too bad!
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I'd be interested in that chart and also your blog when you start it. I guess with us, cause DH is the primary carer and I won't be at home from next week that I'm finding it really hard to discuss his parenting with him - he doesn't "do" books or websites or any kind of education about raising kids. He really does just leave Pip to his own devices all day - I've more-or-less enforced that Pip can feed the chooks every day, and after the first day DH says it's too hard so he won't do it! I know that Pip can do it, he's good at it, DH just sees it as something that takes longer than it should, not as a parenting tool, ITMS?
I hate it because I was, I am a very gentle person. When I was working I would be the one to deal with the really difficult children because I had the patience time and energy for them. But now I just can't muster that for my own kids. I'm too tired, feel too pressured....(I don't know I can't string my words together well- too tired, after too many days of 4 hrs broken sleep!) Totally sucks.
You poor thing. I have no advice though sorry, because you did exactly what I would have done and ignored the tantrums as long as you could.
for you and Amy, Mel.
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