Babies born~December 1st-15th 2009 #3

Oooh, there's been a flurry of activity this afternoon!

Hannah - thanks for the tip re washing hair...thats kind of what I have been doing, but Michael refuses to tip his head back, he sits up in the bath now and is constantly splashing and trying to grab things, so its really hard! This Gaia stuff sounds nice...do they sell it at Coles and stuff, or chemists? Is it soap-free?

Suz - oh yes, I've seen those cup things with the softy bit. I think one of those will definitely come in handy, maybe when he's a bit older. I hope thats all it was, just the stress of yesterday waking him up. I really hope its not a WW thing thast going to last all week :(

Lani - Gosh, sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. How scary with the rash! Have you tried him with formula since? I know what you mean about not finding any nice boy bibs!! Finding nice boy-anything is hard!! I get so disappointed when I go to Pumpkin Patch and they have the most adorable outfits for the girls, and all the same boring stuff for the boys :( I tell you what, I'd be spendign up a storm if I had a little girl!!

Alison - Nooooooooo! Please don't let it be still WW stuff! One night like that was bad enough, I'll be beside myself if I have to go through a whole week! :( Thats great Amelia is really getting around! 6'3"! Goodness me! Yes, I'm guessing she gets her height from her Daddy!

AFM - Went into work...Michael was actually a little angel the whole time! I should have known :) So, basically they told me they were struggling to find me work to do (I wasn't guaranteed of having any work there), but as it turns out the Payroll Officer has just left so they want me to look after that. They were hinting at 3 days a week, but I said I can only do 2. They seemed ok with that tho. So, its not accounting work, but I've looked after the payroll there before so it should be ok, plus they'll pay me my old salary, so thats good! Was great seeing everyone again, I actually quite miss it. I think I miss my old life, the routine, the drives into work chilling out listening to the radio...I had it so good there! Ah well, on to bigger and better things (ie Michael!). One of the women at work told me a childcare centre had just opened opposite work, so I went to speak with them....hmm...when I told them I need care from September onwards the woman kindly told me "not a chance in hell" and "you won't get in anywhere now, you'll have to look at in-home care". Just lovely! Grumpy cow.

Ohhhh...DH cousin is undergoing IVF treament and today is the day she has her 2 "embabies" implanted (if thats the right word). I really really hope it works for her, she's wanted a baby for ages and she's just the most coolest, nicest person ever. We were both trying at the same time, but nothing ever happened for her, so she is now trying IVF. They got 5 decent sized eggs, 3 of them fertilised and they're having 2 implanted. Oh pleeeeaaseeeee.....:pray:

Thanks everyone for your suggestions re baby washes - I have only been using water on Michael since he was born, mainly cos the CHN told me not to use anything else, esp since his eczema. But I've been putting prescription cream on it and its slowly disappearing...hoping to use some nice smellies on him soon (stuff good for sensitive skin)...hence the request for suggestions!

Hey everyone!

Sorry I have been gone for a while, but I have been realllly beat with work, Eva, and DH being difficult to manage (I'll get to that - What is up with the Dh's lately???)

Ok, so I hope I don't miss anything or anyone but if I do, it's totally not on purpose!

Carmey, pneumonia!!! Holy crap! Well, let me tell you what I think, since I have been having a few DH issues to - I think that you and I are a bit similar in the overachieving habits...what happens is that our DH's get used to it and then they forget we need help. I think you need to have a serious sit down with DH and then learn to chill out and rest. Slow down your working out, slow down the housework, slow down everything except for you and Jack time. I try to take care of Eva prepare dinner, do the shopping, work out, keep the sex life going, stay good looking...it is tiring and sometimes DH starts slacking and I realize I need to remind him to wash up or wash the bottle after feeds, or do dishes, or make ME dinner. But my DH is super supportive so once I say it once he totally jumps into action - men just need to be reminded sometimes, just don't let it get to the point that you have not said anything for a while and you get so mad that you don't want to talk to him anymore...Talk to him asap. And stop doing everything! You don't have to be superwoman all the time (that's what I tell myself constantly)...So I always try to be lazy and not do anything for at least the weekend or one day on the weekend...Feel better soon. Yay for Jack getting up on his knees on his own - seriously, that boy is going to be an athlete like his parents! Eva has been starting the crawl but is doing more a circular spin thing. She is also rolling like crazy and LOVES her walker - you should consider one for Jack - Eva gets around the house in it now and loves the mobility! She is not quick yet, she does more of a push back and push forward thing than a one foot two foot movement, but she loves getting around to touch things! I am sure Jack would LOVe one!

Alison, I am glad Amelia seems to be coming out of the WW - you got so used to the good life with your perfect little angel :) It is just phases, and you should enjoy them even though they are hard, because I can imagine that puberty will be worse! lololol - Eva has no hair either!!! hahaha! I still shampoo though (I'll get to that in my persie to beany) - PS that girl from your job is annoying - I don't like her either :ROFL:

Beany - For bath, how do you have him in there? I got this cool sort of lounge thing and Eva loves it so she plays on it and now she is big enough for me to flip her onto her belly on it (so her chest rests on the headrest and her belly and legs float behind her) - and she loves it since she has great access to her bath toys etc...We wash Eva in our bathroom since we are the only ones with a bathtub in our bathroom (Our second bathroom is a shower/sink). We have a towel warmer so we turn that on for heat and a folding change table from Ikea (totally awesome!) - So I unfold the table by the towel warmer so she is by the heat then fill the big bath (I have had her in the big bath since around 3 months or so since she was kicking up too much water in the small one and hitting her head constantly)...She has a little bath recliner - I put tons of toys in the water and on the walls of the tub, and she goes in, then I put her towel (from the towel warmer - all warm and toasty) on the change table, get her out and dress her etc....she does not go between rooms undressed for the moment. She is calm in the bathroom so I keep her there for all the stuff she does not like like nose cleaning etc...If I transfer her to her room she would start getting riled up to go to bed or play in her bed and watch her mobile (she LOVES her bed). I always play classical music (baby einstein) during bath time as well. As for washing her hair - I am sure the products I have are diff, but I use a line of super sensitive no fragrance products for baby skin (as well as their face cream, body lotion etc...) - I find that a shampoo foam is easier to deal with since it won't run. I have her laying and put water on her hair then shampoo and rinse - What you should get - is a natural soft baby sponge - I use this to rinse her head. You just wet it then squezze it onto his head and it cleans without having tons of water come out - I use the natural sponge for her body and also to wet her and keep her warm when she is laying in there...try that - I really love it and it is cheap.

Rose, just to share my experience, Eva moved to her room during a very settled period and it went realllly well....so even though it is less fun for you to go back and forth, it might be a good time to do it now. He will also most likely sleep much much better. Do what you feel of course, but in my case, as soon as I saw she was settled I moved her right away and it proved to be a great thing, since she was waking less she was not panicking not to find me there. Just make sure you have the baby monitor on loud so you wake up - good luck and keep me posted on that! I have the feeling that he will sleep much better in his room, not within smelling distance of his mummy's yummy milk ;) Good luck - it is harder for us to not have them in the room than for them to move...like daycare! That is so cute that he watches you guys talk - since you're into books and all, I am sure he just inherits those things from you - I am a chatterbox, and Eva def got that from me!

Suz, go Ryan on the solids...I hope he is more settled since the last time you wrote. What is that net thing you said you use for the food? I would like to get one for eva...but am not sure what it looks like - do you have any pics of him using it? Maybe you can send me a pic if you do? Eva is getting better at the solids. I gae her pears this weekend and cereal and she ate some so she is starting to accept it better. I think she'll just be late on the food thing - she has always been very sensitive as far as food goes - she refuses food when she is stressed etc, so I am not pressuring her, I just let her have fun and watch us eat - I really want her to have a positive association with food.

Tilda, great to see you back online! I am glad the move went well and now you just have that settling in period and everything will be great! Baby Bjorn makes smock bibs, which are like plastic shirts you slide over the head and they protect ok, but honestly, I just keep a few bodysuits and some ugly sweeatpants and I change her or I put her to eat in her diaper. I did not realize how much carrots stain, so I ruined three bodysuits, and kept them for feeding and bought some ugly little pants in dark colors for feeding. Otherwise, I just change her a lot - nothing to do about that!!! Please put up pics! It is true we have not seen any fb activity in a while...

Kawa, congrats on the merchant status! I hope maree settles...

Lani, poor Jett :( I thought you were already ff??? do you bf? Did you not give him formula at the beginning, why the reaction all of a sudden? I have a friend who has issues with the cow's milk and give her baby a formula based on goat's milk - it smells a bit worse, but is better for his allergies and skin...5-7 times a night is rough, I hope you're dealing ok. Try to rest when he does - housework is not that important, although I am glad to see you posted ;)

Willow, Kanda, Sesame, etc...Hello!!!

Quick update on my crappy weekend. DH and I went out on saturday for some shopping etc...DH is an amateur watch collector, so he asked if it would be ok to go into a watch store where he knows the owners very well "just to say hi" - DH is a chatter too so I said no prob but PLEASE do not keep me in there for an hour...we go in and he just talks and talks and talks and I don't mind watches but I do not care about them enough to talk about them for an hour...Eva got hungry so in the middle of this super posh store I had to make her a bottle and feed her, awkward, then she was crying while eating (again her stress comes through during feeds since she was out and around people she does not know)...in any case 45 minutes later I told him nicely, our parking has been up for half an hour now...so he said good bye and we left, but I was annoyed, then he goes to meI should have just stayed home blah blah and I yelled, yes you should have. I woke up a few times the night before since Eva has been feeding at 3 am again...then up at 5 then up at 7 to play etc...so I was tired and snapped. In any case, we sort of did not speak much that evening...the next day it continued, on top of that it was the french mother's day, and he forgot and so I had NO mother's day at all for my first (for the belgian/american one he was away on a motrocycle trip, so I was sure he would make it up to me yesterday). none. I was dissapointed, and ON TOP OF THAT, today is our 2 year wedding anniversary and I was hoping to celebrate it Sunday since today I have work daycare and training so won't really be home until later in the evening and prob be beat (DH did the saturday night shift and let me sleep through, but I did the sunday night shift...up at 4 for feed, up at 5 for dummy, up at 6 then up at 7 for getting dressed, play and daycare...)...so I got pretty upset, I did not yell but explained it to him last night. I know he has a lot of stress with work (like ALOT) - we are in negotiations to merge with a large group, which is huge for us but also very tricky and he is playing chess on a dailly basis to be sure we don't get screwed...It is a lot of money on the table and a lot of stress on his back, I know, so I did not yell but I told him what bothered me. I am not really mad at him since he is super supportive and does his best - he watched Eva a lot all weekend, let me sleep in Saturday and woke up the whole night...he does dishes and made dinner last night, so I know he is doing his best but I just feel so unspecial since we seem to not have time for our couple...I had no mother's day and no 2 year anniversary...whatever, I know it is a lot to do with the baby and all, but I would have been happy to even just eat together and have a glass of champagne to commemorate the date (he didn't even have to go out and buy any - I always keep a few bottles in the fridge - I loves the bubbly :ROFL:) - I don't even care about gifts or anything...Just to take some time to say happy anniversary, I love you...whatever, It will get better soon. I just hope all goes well with the merge...ok enough negativity...I just had to unload!

Otherwise, Eva is doing great except for waking more at night - her gastro was totally gone by the end of that first week but then two days into week two she got a super blocked up nose! So out with the electric suction machine - she hates it so much but it is SO DAMN EFFECTIVE! I will take a stuffy nose over gastro ANY DAY!

Well, let me get back to my piles of stuff - posting will put me back half an hour :( so this afternoon I'll have to push to get out to pick her up brin gher hom leave her with DH and back to training!

Since getting back on the pill I am now down 7 kilos! in two months! SO I am really happy to have my body getting back on track, even though I feel like I have another 14 or so to go! :)

xoxo to you all! And have a great week!

Oh Brussels, what a let down of a weekend. These DH's need to realise that anniversaries, birthdays etc are actually more important than they used to be because we have so little couple time and spend all of our time worrying about other people now and need to feel special and the centre of attention once in awhile. But I'm glad Eva is doing well. It's apparently very common for babies around 6 months to start wanting a night feed again. But I hope it's short lived for you.

Hi Beany - what a rude old cow. Doesn't sound like you'd want to leave him there anyway. I haven't even thought about day care yet because we don't know where we'll be. Two days work sounds like it would be a nice introduction back to work and a good chance to just get out around people.

Hi Lani - what a horror few weeks you've had. I'm sure they'll end soon. Thankfully you can pretty much put everything babies do down to "passing phases". We've had a few nights of it here and there over the last few weeks too but thankfully she throws in good nights too.

Hi Alison - just on the issue of houses from a few posts back, I reckon once you moved in with all your own stuff it would feel like your place. Especially if you renovated it. And the ILs wouldn't be close enough to still treat it like their place. They'll be so in love with their new place anyway that I'm sure they'll move on.

Hi Suz - wow, Ryan is very impressed with solids insn't he LOL. I don't think Matilda has quite realised it's a permanent part of the routine yet and she's a bit hot and cold on the whole thing. One day she can't get enough and the next she's totally disinterested.

Hi Kawazuki, I'm going to have to find you on FB and check out all these cool things you're making!

Hi Rose - how damned cute of Liam to be copying you talking. Looks like he might be a very verbal little guy. And you're a writer aren't you so maybe language is in the genes.

Well, I hear little miss stirring so I'm going to post even though I haven't finished my persies because I dont' trust BellyBelly not to crash before I next get to the computer! But just quickly has anyone noticed their bubs getting constipated with the solids? I'm trying to follow Babylove's advice to just offer pureed pear but not sure its working.

Hey everyone, just a quick update! DH totally redeemed himself. After having that talk with him I think he understood that I was a bit let down. I went to get Eva from daycare dropped her off and he watched her while I went out to my traning session - when I came back all tired and sweaty he had her in the babybjorn (after a feed and bath and wearing my favorite pajamas :) ) and had set the table, put candles all over the place, ordered my favorite thai, and had a bottle of champage and glasses waiting on ice :) - I am happy I did not flip my lid and just had a talk with him. He has so much stuff going on with work and it is for our future, so I did not want to yell and make him feel bad about something else...but he did his best to make it up to me - there was no mother's day but our anniversary was at least celebrated on the day of. And we had a great evening in drinking champagne and talking about a lot of stuff and future plans and had a romantic time in general. Eva was perfect and went to sleep without waking until midnight for a feed then slept until 6am...I hope she drops the night feed too, which should happen soon since she has decided that she likes solids all of a sudden...a few days ago she just started opening her mouth and enjoying eating! I don't know what hapenned, but it proves that she does things when she is ready, and only when she is ready - even at daycare they say she has character and that they don't even bother offering her solids if she is in a bad mood...lol - she looks so much like DH, but at least she seems to have some of my personality :ROFL:

Tilda, for constipation, I did not notice anything but she does not eat that much...I do give her one bottle a day with a water that is rich in magnesium and I think that keeps her regular...maybe avoid potaotes, peas and veggies that might be hard for her to digest?

ok off to work!

suz - Good work with the challenge. Glad that Ryan's appetite is back.

Lani - I hope Jett gets to the other side of this WW soon. Waking 5-7 times a night would take its toll on you. At least Amelia would be awake all night and then sleep during the day so I wasn't getting up and down and up again. I'm glad he's taking to solids. Perhaps that will help until you see a paed.

Alison - I'm so glad Amelia is back to her usual 'good' self. At least her WW only lasted a week. Mine lasted 3.5 weeks and I still don't think we're all the way through yet. I'm glad Amelia handled her shots well. Just think, a whole 6 months until the next lot.

beany - Gaia is available at chemists and Coles. I'm not sure about Woolies, but I think they may have it too. The products are soap & sulfate free so should be okay on Michael's sensitive skin. They have a little gift pack if you want to sample some of the products first. I'm glad Michael was good when you went to work. Two days sounds enough to ease back into it. And I think you meant "embryos", but "embabies" is cute! I wish DH's cousin all the best.

BS - Well done on keeping calm when letting DH know how you were feeling. It couldn't have been easy, I would've been pretty upset too. I think most men respond better when we're not so emotional. I'm glad he took it seriously and at least celebrated your anniversary. I guess its all part of the new dynamic we're adjusting to...the fact that we're threesomes and not just couples anymore. So relieved Eva is over the gastro, but oh no for the cold. Hopefully she'll get over it quickly without giving it to you. Goodluck with the merge...I'm sure DH's hard work will pay off.

Tilda - You're still bfing, right? If so, have you tried drinking half a glass of orange juice? (I wouldn't give it to Matilda). My mum swears by it for constipated bubs.

AFM - Still ticking along. Amelia just gets more beautiful each day.

Hello all! :asleep:

BS - Wow, sounds like you have a great bath routine. Love the classical music idea. I must get on to that too. He's in his bath usually only about 5 mins...is that about what everyone else is doing? Oooh, whats this loungey thing? Do you know what its called? Ah, shampoo foam, thats an idea. Don't think I've seen it anywhere here tho... Oh gosh, sorry to hear your Mother's Day was a non-event. You did well not to yell at him! But it sounds like DH has made it up well and truly! What a lovely guy :)

Tilda - Michael hasn't really been "on solids" per se yet. He's only had a bit here and there. But, he has been more clogged up than usual (tho I think its unrelated to the solids) - he went 3 days without a poo!! :o Thats the longest ever. And they're a lot thicker than they used to be a couple of weeks ago. Strange.

Hannah - coolies, I'll have a look for some Gaia. I actually went through my hospital bounty bag thing (first time I've looked through it!!) and found some samples. So I'll try them tonight :) DH cousin had to only have one implanted because she's been having problems with her blood pressure. I really hope it works....

Hello everyone else!

AFM - UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired!!!! After that night of waking every hour, he slept the night after pretty well, only waking twice. But last night. Gees. He started waking at 10.45pm, every 1-1.5 hours until he properly "woke up" at 5.30am :( He's been flipping onto his tummy a lot too, so most of the time I was going in there to flip him over. Does anyone elses baby do this? Do you just let them stay on their tummy or flip them over (tho he was cranky so I'm thinking he didnt' want to be on his tummy)?

He started saying "da-da-da-da" yesterday I think it was. He doesn't know what it means I dont' think, he's just chatting away. Cool to hear tho!

Ok, better go. Hope everyoe has a lovely day! xx

Hi Beany - Amelia sleeps on her tummy now.........ironic given she used to hate being on her tummy. She used to cry when she first rolled onto her tummy and I spent lots of times flipping her over, eventually I gave up. I just leave her now and she settles straight away. Once they are this age it's not so much of a risk for SIDS because they can turn their heads. She sleeps the best when on her tummy. Amelia is on 2 solids a day and I'm thinking of going to 3 now (adding in dinner). Who's bubs are on 3 already? I'm not sure how to fit it in that's all, my friend who's bub is a month older does a 5.00 pm solids and 6.30 pm milk and straight to bed routine but she's dropped her 3rd nap. Amelia is still having a nap around 4.30 pm/5.00 pm for an hour. Not sure she's ready to drop it yet - tried last week and it backfired on me big time, although we did go through that horrible wonder week last week. She's still fussing a couple of times a night, she's not actually awake but she's crying, I tried ignoring it last night but she got louder and louder. Not sure what to do as I don't want to be getting up to pop in the dummy all the time, aside from it making me super tired it's creating a bad habit - anyone else's bub do this and any suggestions would be great!!

Speaking of which, Missy is awake so best run. xx

Hey girls!

Beany, I think you should just leave him on his belly and see what happens, since if he keeps flipping, he might be comfy that way - try sleeping him on his belly for a nap to see how he sleeps...the lounger thing is from BEABA and it is called Transatdo - I don't think I can put the link up but if you put beaba in google you can visit their site, just click bath and you'll see the products they have. I love it - they have other types of loungers from other brands that have edges to hold baby in place, so they are more secure but I love this one because it is not plastic and it is soft and I can put her on it belly down now, like I was saying...This is like my fave brand, I have everything for feeding from them (except bottles) - they have awesome stuff for solid feeding. It is also easy to clean - I just remove the towel and throw it in the wash and put it back on. Are you still holding Michael in the bath??? Man you must be tired, no wonder you're only giving him 5 minutes :ROFL: She started moving way too much at around 3 months so I got her the lounger from then. Let me know if you want me to send you some pics - I'd be happy to. I also have these cool sort of foam toys that she loves chewing on while she's in the bath and colorful little ducks, so I leave her in the bath for about 10 minutes or so playing and getting clean - she loves it so much but I avoid leaving her too long since it is not so great for her skin...the water here is pretty hard. Look up baby einstein for the classical music! Or maybe I can zip my music and send it to you? Do you know how to unzip files? I am happy to do that for anyone who would like.

Eva does BABABABABA :) lucky DH, dada will probably come before mama!

Alison, you have a belly sleeper too :) Isn't it nice though to finally have bubs strong enough that we don't have to worry and check on them every five minutes when they are on their bellies! Eva also has issues lately settling - she used to just drop off after her last feed, but now with daycare she is more tired so ends up going to bed around 630 or 7 instead of 8/830 so DH and I have to go in and put the dummy back in constantly...I don't know what to do really...It has been bad lately but when she is very tired and has a late feed she does not do that...I think you should just wait - she'll sort herself out. They just need time - they constantly adjust themselves don't they....we just have to follow like loyal servants :ROFL: E va has started putting the dummy in herself, so that helps, but sometimes she is tired and can't find it - I am toying with the idea of putting 6 in her bed! Does Amelia only take the dummy for bed? Maybe give it to her in her hand to let her learn to put it in herself? Anyway, that should come soon, so I guess just stick it out and see what happens.

Hannah, why did you edit, for "too much whinging" :ROFL: - you can do that here, you know :) Anyway, when are you going to put up some new pics of Amelia...some of you girls have been depriving us of your gorgeous bubs!!! I hope your darling is doing well. It is wierd how the dynamic of the relationship changes with a child, doesn't it...I think the lack of rest just makes us have no time for the "couple" since as soon as we have time we need to shower, do our hair, sleep etc..etc...etc... - I think that it will get better soon. Eva being in daycare has already given me more relaxed time at home and I have managed to start dressing better, doing my hair, and working out every day. I think as they get older and have more stable routines, we'll have more time for ourselves and our men...Also, at some point we will get more comfortable leaving them with people and that should help...

Anyway, off to work, xoxo to you all :)

Eva went off to daycare today with a huge smile and when I waved goodbye she smiled without crying :) Things are on the up!

Hi girls,

Thanks for all your well wishes. You'll be happy to hear I'm feeling so much better! x
BS - Thank you for your kind words. You don't know how much they mean to me. I do think our lives parallel on a lot of levels. Reading about your time with Mother's Day and Anniversary reminded me that we also both have our own businesses and with that comes a lot of stress and pressure - which my DH always says is the reason for everything!
I’m sorry to hear about your crappy Mother’s Day but it does sound like DH has really redeemed himself by being so romantic! How absolutely lovely for you.
Oh, and I went and got Jack a walker – he loves it! He’s now rocking back and forth on his hands and knees, as if he’s ready to go but is scared to take that first step. Very cute.
Alison - The latest pics of Amelia are just divine. She is the sweetest little thing ever. You are looking fab too, by the way!
Tilda – hello there! So glad that little Matilda is enjoying solids. Maybe you could try giving her a spoon of her own – that’s supposed to distract them while you feed with your own spoon. And we got Jack one of those bibs that’s all plastic that you throw straight in the dishwasher. Otherwise we just strip him to the waist and put him in the bath afterwards.
Hannah – Sounds like little Amelia is about to start crawling any day now. Look out! So exciting.
Rose – We just made the move from the bassinet in our room to his cot – and it’s great! Do you sleep him in there during the day to get him used to the room? That’s what I started doing so it wasn’t a complete shock to the system. Good luck! X
Kawazuki – I hope the wonder week goes okay and the feeding starts up again. X
Beany – Jack doesn’t have much hair but I do put a little bit of the baby wash in it every day. I have one in the shower and one in the bath – the one in the bath is a no-tears one and the shower is some baby organic one that smells pweddy. As for not getting in it his eyes, I just cover his little forehead with my hand and wet it with the other. Does that make sense? You can get those little caps if you’re worried? But I find the no-tears stuff works well.
Suz – So pleased you’re enjoying the Bootcamp! Do you find you’ve got more energy these days because of it?
ATM – I’ll get the good stuff out of the way.
Jack is well – brilliant infact. He’s now onto much more adventurous things to eat, like very mashed up beef bolognaise and apple custard. I read in Save Our Sleep that you should feed them until they turn their head away, but he is yet to turn his little head, so I have to be the one to decide when he’s had enough! We weighed him about a month ago and he was 9.5kg (did I already tell you that?), so he’s doing well. He’s also still a major booby man and now digs into my top and whinges when he wants a feed. He also thinks it’s entirely appropriate to pop off my nipple and start talking to me mid-feed when we’re out in public – not a good look!
Now for the not-so-good stuff. Basically, it’s all to do with DH and I. BS, after reading your post about how DH went and did all that romantic stuff I almost cried – I’m obviously happy for you though! It just reinforces the fact that DH has never made me feel special. He would NEVER do that for me. And these days I have started to think things like, why didn’t I notice this before we got married? I have to say that most of the time I’m unhappy these days. Our sex life is miserable and we hardly ever touch. Seriously, if I didn’t ask for a hug or ask for sex, we would never touch. Not even a hug in bed at night.
I feel lonely a lot of the time. I’ve brought this up on so many occasions with him and he always turns defensive and yells “So, you want to separate then? Would that make you happy?!”
At first I would always think, no, I don’t want to separate. That’s crazy. We can work this out. But these days I’m starting to feel different. I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but I’ve started contemplating leaving him. There it is. I’ve said it. That’s such a big thing for me. I haven’t told a soul and I don’t plan to.
There are obviously lots of reasons why I’ve started thinking this way, not just the few reasons I mentioned above. It’s very complex and I certainly haven’t got all of it around my head yet. But I’m yearning to talk to someone about my constant frustrations. I ache to be touched and wanted and desired. I yearn to be treated in a way where I feel special.
Anyway, that’s all very deep and depressing, so I apologise for putting that on you all. I have to book myself in to speak to a professional, me thinks.

xx

Carmey, have you considered seeing a couple's therapist? I am crying reading this :( I am glad you have the courage to say it out loud (or write it - you know what I mean)

Sometimes we just go on in our lives ignoring things and they just get so bad, so it is great that you are dealing with it...

What happenned to DH after the birth? Is he having issues sharing your body? Or not having you to himself? You know how he was before, what has become more prominent since Jack arrived - this kind of stuff has always been there, so think about it and see where the issue is...is he not dealing well with the pressure of fatherhood? Is seeing you as a mother making him not look at you sexually? When you talk to him is it calm? Maybe try a talk when things are calm because he might have some stuff going on too and he is not sharing...It does not excuse his behavior AT ALL. He is a father and a husband and he needs to step up. Period.

As far as taking a decision to leave, be careful to do so when you are not so emotional. If, on the other hand, DH has 'defects' in his personality that existed before, and that are just getting more prominent now, they probably won't change and will keep coming back and going and coming and going....you can't change the root of a person...so you have to question whether the base is bad, or if he is just not dealing well with the changes in his life? I think therapy would be great for you and you should encourage him to go as well or go to couple's together...I think he is becoming defensive and not communicating because he knows he is wrong, and if you get him to agree to go see a therapist for that purpose (to communicate) he will have to keep his cool. He should maybe see one too since he obviously has something bothering him.

You are absolutely divine, and I am not just saying that to make you feel better. You glow and work and take care of yourself and smile and although I don't know you in person, you seem like an awesome girl! I would want you to be my friend if we lived in the same city ;) If DH does not treat you like you deserve, then leave, and there is no reason to stay miserable just because you have Jack...Miserable parents make miserable babies, so do what is necessary for your mental health and for your baby - Unfortunately our babies take precedence over our husbands now, and some men can't deal with that....I love DH but I would not hesitate if I had to choose between him and my baby, although I hope that NEVER happens...just be sure to try to find the root of the problem and not base your decisions on superficial actions...

I am dissapointed for you and disappointed in your DH - he does not understand how hard having a baby is, and is obviously still hung up on his own feelings, and his own needs. Since Jack has been born you have been doing everything to be perfect, to get back into shape, to be a great mother etc...If he cannot appreciate that, it is really his loss...

If he cannot deal with fatherhood then he needs to be out. The pressure that comes along with being parents is part of growing up, so if he is not capable, move on, or take a temporary separation to figure things out - maybe go stay with family somewhere quiet where you can still work but be more calm and think things over - Unfortunately, sometimes that is the only way to give men a wake up call...I do hope he gets over this...I really hope the base is not broken, if you know what I mean...

You deserve to be loved and touched and spoiled, and with baby that will happen less, but still, it should happen! You have every right to feel that way. You need to figure out if DH is just having issues because he is sharing your body with Jack, some men have issues with that stuff...it might get better once Jack is weaned...or it might just be something that has changed in your relationship, but figure that out before making rash decisions.

Feel free to write me whenever you want if you feel like you want to chat via email or whatever. I tend to see things very rationally and unemotionally, and sometimes that can be helpful when you are in very irrational and emotional situation. Or sometimes it can just be very annoying, and sometimes you need to hear F*** DH!!!!, so I am saying that too! F*** him for making this harder, and for not helping and for not appreciating you and what you two have been through as a couple in the past year! F*** his selfishness and F*** him for complicating what should be a beautiful period in your lives! and just plain old F***!!!!!!!

There, that was my emotional response (slightly less coherent than the rest!)

I am sending many hugs your way and hope this is just a rough patch. I'm here if you need, so please don't hesitate.

OMG Carmey, your post makes me feel so sad for you. Can I just say that everything BS said I second, couldn't have said it better myself BS, you are absolutely spot on with everything you have said. Carmey, you're such a beautiful person and you deserve to feel happy and loved - you know we love you and I wish we could give you a great big hug and make everything better. I'm so sorry this is so quick but Millie is sleeping so I need to have a shower before DH comes home and drags me to the inlaws for dinner...........again grrr. Anyway, please don't feel alone and like BS said if you want to talk you know you can send us an FB message or PM on here. We're here for you 100% and if I can help even just to make you feel sane please don't hesitate to do so. I'm even happy to have a chat on the phone. Please don't feel you can't talk to anyone because you can talk to us. Love you lots beautiful girl and hope things get better for you really soon.

And BS, you're such a gorgeous person, I wish you lived here in Aus - I think we'd all be the best of friends us girls, without a doubt. xx

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all well and happy. xx

BS - Thank you, thank you, thank you. Tears are rolling down my face right now. I'm so very touched that you care so much and give such heartfelt advice.

A friend of mine sees a great counsellor, so I'll book an appointment to speak to her. I want to go to her alone first, to talk out my feelings. Then I want DH there.

To be honest I don't think that he has an issue with sharing my body with Jack. I'm so ashamed to say this but his sex drive began to nosedive just before our wedding. He always put it down to training too much (training 23 hours a week for Ironman) and then stress from work. So, I let it go because we found out we were pregnant right before our honeymoon and that was my new focus.

One of my biggest issues is the lack of affection, not so much the sex. Even though I would love more sex I can live without it - it's the no touching that gets to me. I'm such a loving, affectionate person and to not get it is really hard. I have actually given up cuddling him or asking for hugs or kisses because I feel rejected and angry. So that's not a good thing.

The last thing I want is to be alone. Raising my child as a single mother scares the hell out of me and I can hardly think about it without feeling sick in my stomach. But every time I think - Do I want to live like this for the rest of my life? - I think no. I can't. I know I deserve better. I just hope that this lady I talk to can help me find a solution.

Sorry girls, I promise to not talk about this again. I realise there is another forum for this and this is such a depressing issue. I want this forum to be fun!

xx

Sorry, Alison. I just missed your post. Thank you for your kind words too. It means the world to me to have such fantastic women backing me.

xxxxxxxxx

Thanks Alison, you're not so bad yourself <3 Me loves you girlies!!!

Carmey, don't go on another forum! You belong here with us ;)

As for the affection issues, is it is not the sex that is a problem, DH needs to understand that affection is important. Some people are less physically warm than others, and he needs to learn to bring that out, at least with you and Jack. Go see that counselor and get your head sorted, then you need to really give DH a good talking to (and maybe leaving home for a bit if he is unresponsive will shock him into doing something!)...Stay strong, there are bad periods in life and you are going through a bad one...you're extraordinary and you'll get through this. Keep us posted! Don't go on another forum! We are here and need to know what is up with you girlie!

The idea of being a single mother is super scary, that is why I was saying to be sure you get your head around the real problem before taking drastic steps...don't worry, just get analysing and it will work out. Relationships are work, and always will be and as we progress they become more complicated...that's life. Just do your best to figure out what's up and if nothing works and you've tried everything, and you feel you have to leave, then do so. You'd be fine both ways, but staying together would obviously be better. You don't realize how strong you are, so don't be scared of being alone, just try to make it not happen, but if DH does not help, then go on. You don't need to suffer and have a relationship with someone who does not pull his weight!

OMG Carmey. Sending big hugs your way. I totally agree with BS and Alison you are an amazing person and deserve to be loved and respected.
Speaking to someone is a great first step. I really hope it helps. Do not go to another forum we are all here for you.

R u in Sydney? If so if u want to arrange to catch up I am happy to.

Sending lots of hugs n kisses ure way.
Chin up! Get Jack to give u a cuddle.

If u need anything just ask.

Oh Carmey, you poor darling. It's the worst thing in the world not to be touched by your partner. I've been there in a previous relationship and it was awful, awful, awful. I wonder if there's anything that could help him open up. I think some men have such a fear of dependency on another person and being depended upon that they shut off emotionally and physically. The timing of it starting up around your wedding might suggest there's some real intimacy issues. But hey, that's probably stating the obvious! Sorry! I hope a counselor might be able to help. And its a good idea to see them on your own too. It will help you clarify how you're feeling. God, I just can't imagine how you must be feeling to be contemplating separation. It's actually making my heart feel literally heavy. And BS is right - maybe a short separation could help you both sort your feeling out and actually help you communicate better. BS was right about all of it - you're wonderful to give so much in your posts BS!! I'm in Sydney now too. So let us know if you'd like to get together. Maybe a Sydney get together is in order! But I understand its sometimes easier to write about these things than talk about them. Anyway, you deserve the absolute best sweetheart. Keep us posted on how you're going.

wow you girls have been busy. i missed teh cuppa and chazt lol

carmey, you haev to do whats best for you and your baby. it may be scary, but how scary will it be if 3-5 years down teh track you continue to regret the situation:(

im so sorry your husband is being like that

mine is a similar age, and his drive dropped, but after some talking and stress removal from our lives, its picked up again..
i hope it does work out for you i really do..


well maree slept great last night, so much so i woke with a start at 6:30 and had to check on here as she hadn't stired since 7 the night before. she has been so unsettled i am used to being up 2 times a night to settle her.

she has just started really loving ehr floor time, as taylah is down with here. its sooo cute

Hi every one, OMG, I've missed a lot! I'm still catching up but just want to say Carmey :hug: :hug: :hug: you can talk to us about DH! You can talk about it in the other thread too, but it's part of what's going on with you and it's ok to talk to us in here :hug: :hug: I'll do a proper post as soon as I get time, today hopefully. For now I'll keep reading and try to catch up.