Sarah - as everybody else has said - don't be too hard on yourself. I did exactly what you are doing with all 3 of my first kids, they were/are all fine!
The golden rule is Do what works for you!
IMHO the main purpose of a routine is to have babies fit in with us. Not that that's a bad thing, but in my case back then it didn't matter to me what we did & when. It wasn't until they were much older & down to one or two daytime naps that we had any thing even resembling a routine!
Now things are different for us with Arlea, I am working & we have 3 older kids who are busy also, she has to fit in a bit more with us. But still the feed-play-sleep routine she is in is largely thanks to her - she did that mostly by herself, lol & I have just encouraged it!
We are also still demand feeding 2-3 hours. I find that she feeds better after a big sleep, also as she gets older her feeds are getting more regular in volume & timing. She still doesn't have anywhere near her quotas but I have given up worrying about that. She seems to be growing to me! I will take her to be weighed next week & we will see.
And yep, I was trying to track her feeds & sleeps & it's very hard & then doesn't shed much light anyway! I have started again due to her starting FDC next week but don't expect to find out much
Hmm lets see this is roughly our "routine"
Up for the day between 5am & 6am,
up for 1 - 1 1/2hrs between sleeps, sleeps for 50min - 1 1/2 hours at a time.
gets cranky around 5;30pm & only catnaps after that,
goes down for the night anywhere between 7 & 9:30.
Usually wakes around 1:30-3am, usually just once
(but last night was twice & then up at 4:30 this morning )
Swaddling - I am still swaddling her to go to sleep. Usually while I am wrapping her I tell her 'sleepytime' and sing to her, I think it helps signal to her that it's 'sleep time' - she does sometimes drop off without it though, a couple of times on her playmat
Her sleeps the last couple of days have been a bit short & restless, although seems to be settling today.
A question - what are you doing when they wake early? I am undecided whether to go in & try to resettle her, or to leave her be. She is often quite happy lying there for a bit & only after a while gets cranky. I feel like if I go in to her she will expect to get up; becasue I don't generally rock or pat her to sleep, I don't know if that would work to re-settle her?
She had her first real chuckle on Saturday night, we have been trying to get her to repeat it since!
As for the feeding...I had a few tears this morning, admitting to myself that it really isn't happening. Each week we move further & further away from BFing. I think the time has come to accept it & move on. I will keep expressing, my goal is tomake at least 6 mths, then more hopefully... I feel so disappointed, I so wanted to feed her
& it frustrates me that it was such a silly little thing that has left us here...but i will try to keep it all in persepctive
)
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