Hope your Easter breaks were lovely and chocolate filled!
We had a really trying Easter at our place. Beware, this is a long post.
It was our first visit to the inlaws and lets just say it ended in tears ... both mine and Willow's.
My inlaws mean well, but it rarely comes off well for them.
Willow is the first grandchild on that side of the family, they have been waiting quite a while so it's safe to say we are a litte OTT when it comes to the baby. They drive me up the wall most of the time the way they carry on around the baby and in my book I see my MIL as only ever wanting to be a "fare weather" Grandma ... she's around for cuddles and cradling, but once a dirty nappy or screaming fit rears it's ugly head she is out the door. Or worse, she starts asking questions like "I wonder what is wrong with the baby", "Do you think she's had enough to eat ... she needs another feed", "I wonder if you are producing enough milk", "I don't ever recall my babies screaming like this".
Anyway, it was safe to say I was pretty anxious about the thought of spending some time at their place on Easter Saturday and I am sure Willow picked up on this and played up.
She'd been unsettled most of the night previous, so we were pretty sleep deprived by the time we got to their place. Willow just wouldn't settle.
Of course Grandma came marching over and without even asking to hold the baby, she pulled her from my arms with the comment "I have 10 minutes for a cuddle before the gravy is ready". Nice one to start the day.
Then as lunch is served we put Willow in her pram as she'd managed to drop off, but we suspected it wouldn't be for long. DH and I agreed that he'd eat first, I'd nurse Willow when she stirred and then we'd switch. Grandma had other plans.
Once we were all settled at the table she waltzes in and takes the pram to where she is sitting and parks it right behind her seat (on the other side of the table where I could not get to it easily). I didn't like this arrangement at all, but figured while Willow was asleep it shouldn't be a problem as I could still see her.
Willow woke shortly after everyone sat down to lunch and of course started to scream.
DH and I are not fans of controlled crying, and it's crazy to think a baby this small could understand the principles of it anyway ... Grandma has other ideas.
She has asked us several times if we have 'just let her cry it out' - we have repeatedly said no, we are not believers in controlled crying.
Obviously Grandma is a fan of controlled cyring and thinks that when we visit her place, we should play by her rules. Once Willow makes it clear she is unhappy in the pram Grandma grabs the handle of the pram and starts to rock it saying "She's fine, leave her, she's fine". I was clearly getting distressed, my baby is screaming and we never leave her to scream at the moment, it was our first outting to their place, I didn't want to cause a scene but I didn't want my baby to cry and we were very sleep deprived.
After a few minutes I got up from the table and said "I'm not leaving my baby to scream". As soon as it was clear I was walking over to pick up my baby Grandma wisks her out of the pram and starts craddling her saying to me "She's fine, she's fine, she's fine". Willow was clearly not fine, she was screaming her head off.
I then stood next to Grandma waiting for her to hand her over to me ... she looks at me and says 'She's fine'.
I lost it.
Walked out of the room in tears.
My Sister-In-Law came after me and said "Tell her it's not OK, tell her to give you the baby". Poor DH then came after me and said the same thing.
Stupid, non-confrontational me didn't want to cause a scene (too late I suppose) and so I just sat in the loungeroom and cried.
MIL then came in and patrionisingly said "Oh dear are you hormonal. I am worried about you, you know".
It took all my efforts not to rip her head off (I mean this literally and figuratively )
The day went downhill from there.
I am so upset and angry at my MIL for what she did.
I do not want to go back to their place.
I feel for my poor DH as he really is caught in the middle, it is hard when your wife doesn't get along with your mother. He has told me not to worry, we will work it out, she's our baby and they have to abide by our rules.
I am so angry at myself for not sticking up for myself and just telling my MIL that what she was doing was wrong. You don't separate a 3 week old baby from her mother.
Just as much as Willow is only 3 weeks old, I am only a 3 week old Mum too!
Oh you poor thing Thrilled. Isn't it just horrible how someone can pressure us to go against something we believe in. I've been guilty of doing this too - it's so easy to do with such "controlling" people like your MIL. Don't beat yourself up about it, what's done is done. At least you know that you have the support of your husband and obviously your SIL understands too. I don't think you are being OTT. I don't know how you can manage it, but maybe get your husband to tell her that no one touches the baby without first asking mum or dad's permission and, NO ONE keeps mum away from bubs. I couldn't care less whether she was 3 weeks or 3 years, she's your daughter and that shouldn't happen.
OMG Thrilled i was just telling DF about your post
I dont have the best time with my mother in Law either ..If that had of been me i would in your positiion i would have been a wreck i am not good with standing up for myself like that and with in laws its so hard, i had a bad enough time with my family over this weekend and trying to get them to understand how i felt about things when it came to my Hannah.
ld have cried as well if it had of been me at your in laws place, i cant believe your MIL , ppl like that i just dont understand, she is your baby and needs her mum and u need her, she had NO right to not let u have her, i dont believe in controlled crying either and it would have killed me to see that and not to be able to pick up my daughter straight away, i just cant get over it.
I really really feel for u and i am so so glad that your DH and SIL agreed with u as it is so so hard when u dont agree on things like this or stick together at times like this especially when its family involed like In laws ext its so so hard
Hang in there babe and stick with wat u believe in its your BABY
OMG thrilled that is so awful she had absolutely no right to do that.
My mum told me that my Nanna (her MIL) did that to her once, took me away from mum and wouldn't give me back, with both mum and I crying. As a baby apparently I never let her hold me again without screaming, and have never had a close relationship with her. Willow may be the same, she'll learn that she doesn't want to be around your MIL and there won't be a lot she can do to change that.
I hope you both have recovered from the stress of it all xxx
His nose is so snuffly and every now and then he coughs. He's bright eyed enough (and chatting to Grandma at the moment on the couch) and has had loads of wet and pooey nappies so that's good. He just isn't so good at lying down flat - everytime I put him back into bed he's okay for a bit then he coughs and wakes himself up - must be yucky stuff running down his throat. I've been laying on the lounge with him on my chest so he gets some sleep - I do to that way.
I think we have to just ride it out. If only he could blow his nose......
Hey cass have u tired one of those little kits u can buy for babies-it comes witha saline spray which u spray then u use a little thing that sucks stuff out lol
)
she had absolutely no right to do that.
i love the build up when u watch them and they get ready for the sneeze aawwwwww
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