Babies born~October 16th-31st 2009 #2

[Stevie]

Tam: im not sure about the DVDs ive never heard about them. i am an aweful Mum, i let Miss A watch TV all the time. if im not playing with her, or feeding her or if she's not sleeping i put her on the floor, she LOVES being on the floor, and give her some toys that she's only now just gettinginterested in, a wrap (she for some reason loves snuggling it and kicking it) then i sith the telly on and sometimes she watchess it for ages, sometimes she doesnt. but at the moment once ive dont all the usual play things, theres nothing left for me to do with her except that.
i honeslty cant see what harm tv does if in moderation, and its not like i plonk her down there all day.

afm: we had our needles yesterday, i was a good mummy this time and i held Miss A while she got them, she screamed at first but calmed down allot quicker than last time. and this time she didnt get her all calm and then do the other leg, she did it rather quickly. i got my swine flu shot, coz i already got whooping cough i didnt need the shot, but MIL got hers since she's around Bub alot so she got it for free as well. just gotta get DH in there to get his.
Miss A slept really well last night, i expected a problem but she was good. she was a bit stropy after the needles, we had a shower and it calmed her down a little. but i gave her some panadol before i gave her her last feed last night (about half an hour before i put her to bed) only coz she did have a rough afternoon, and figured this might help her sleep better.
I was ment to be catching up with a lovely lady from BB today but since Miss A has conjunktivitus i told her we'll wait til it clears up and do it another time. so now my day is free to clean clean clean LOL.
oh i also got Miss A weighed yesterday and she said she was roughly (i cant remeber the exact number.. i do have it written down) 5200g, i told her that the week before she was 5400g (with a clean dry nappy on) should be worried? she sad some scales can be out and not to worry but its in the back of my head

xxx

[fi1980]

Hi All

Just a quick one from me as I have a terrible cold at the moment. Work was ok, not too bad at all and Leila actually had a really good day in child care so was very happy when DH picked her up (he finishes work earlier than me). Thanks for all of your kind thoughts.

Leila had her needles yesterday too. She was really good at the time but got very upset in the evening and i had to give her panadol. She ended up sleeping for 10.5 hours! Was great for me as I'm feeling so awful.

Well Leila has definitely found her voice! For the last few days she's talked constantly! She used to vocalise a bit but now it's all the time, it's like she's having a conversation with you its so cute. When she's not 'talking' she's blowing bubbles and raspberries. I can't beleive how absolutely adorable she is and I can't believe how much she's changed and growing up at the moment, she seems to have developed so much in the past week it's amazing.

I'm not back in the office again until Friday but am supposed to be working from home (the equivalent of 1 day done whenever I get the chance) but as I'm not feeling well I think I'll wait until tomorrow before I start to get into too much.

Will be back later to catch up on personals.

Fi

[fi1980]

Oh yay I got RAK'd!!! That's so sweet, I wonder who it was... is there any way I can find out?

[ElleJay]

Oh yay I got RAK'd!!! That's so sweet, I wonder who it was... is there any way I can find out?

Unfortunately not - unless the person actually tells you
That's awesome!

[Rach75]

so I went to CHN today Luke is doing wonderful...he isn't as heavy as I thought though but he is 7600grm which is 90% line length 66.5cm 95% and HC 42.5 75% so all great

so I need to say something and please it is not a dig at anyone... I am starting to feel uncomfortable about talkign about how well LUke is going ... if I say he sleeps thru I feel like I shouldn't say anything as I might upset or offend someone whose bub isn't...again this is not a dig at anyone but there have been a a few threads lately about people being upset becuase their baby doesn't do this etc, and all the replies basically say those mums whose bubs are sleeping thru are liers its really gettingmy goat... today is the first day I let Luke CIO only becuase I know he needs a sleep he went down ok but woke after 30min he needs a sleep we had a busy morning.. but when I read replies its liek if your child sleeps thru you are either lying or letting you baby cry all the time I freely admit Luke is a very easy going child that being said I do have days where I want to tear my hair out, the last 2 days we have had 3am wakes up... I know big deal but becuase he has slept thru for the last 4-5 weeks its a huge shock to my system... and even though I am married have a hubby at home etc not working away doens't mean I get any help with the boys... in fact Jase does very little when it comes to Luke maybe one or 2 nappy changes a week, gives him a bath maybe 1/2 dozen times since he was born, and as for feeding well I basically have to force him to give him a bottle, bear in mind I am also running aroudn after a active 3 year old, who doesn't have naps is on the go all day...I do all the housework, everything... the only thing I dont do is feed the animals and outside chores... everything else falls on my shoulders so the fact my child sleeps thru doesn't mean I am well rested if he didn't sleep I think I would have fallen over by now

anyway I needed to rant I didn't know where I well I know you girls well Ihoep you wont judge me by my rant LOL

thanks for listening

[boomba]

Aww Rach hun! Your doing a great job and please feel free to tell us how the boys are going. I lie and say he sleeps through just cause I dont want well meaning aunts etc to tell me to let him cry lol so maybe thats what they mean?! You have to do what is right for your babies...if you feel comfortable letting him have a cry then thats fine. Yopur doing a great job and we all do things differently

Woohoo on everyone who has been RAKed its awesome

Sorry I havent been around much its so hard to keep up and i have been trying not to spend so much time on the pc!

DS2 is going well havent had him weighed for a while...better do it monday lol! Ds1 is getting a bit jealous of Ds2 at the moment!Argh its really hard.

anyway DS1 is calling better go xxx

[Rach75]

thanks but just to clarify when I said I let him CIO today he cried for less than 2min but its the comments people make about if your child sleeps thru you either lying or letting the CIO that are getting me down I dont do either .... excpet for 2 x less than 2min spurts today *sigh*

[boomba]

Rach Ds2 has a cry here and there its no big deal...we just dont let him scream for ages iykwim Its touigh wiht 2 hey...If M is inot something and I have to put F down and he cries I just have to deal wiht it till I can sort whatever mess M has done lol! xx

[Rach75]

god when say cry he isn't tscreaming most people would say hes not crying anywa i am over my rant just needed to get it out cause it was weighing me down and i was havil ill thoughts towards others and sometimes if can ust write it out its all good

[Stevie]

naw Rach, sweetheart, who cares what everyone else says?
when i say Miss A sleeps through, im not lying LOL and i dont let her cry (i have a couple of times but there is a difference between crying and screaming iykwim) Miss A self settles, she WONT go to sleep in my arms anymore so i have to put her down but she rarely cries if ever.
You are doing a fantastic job. you truelly are. i admire what an awesome job your doing. im slack compared to most of you ladies lol.
and of course you can come in here and have a vent thats what we are here for, dont worry i sometimes worry what you guys think when i post things about DH, so i dont post in here anymore. Ive joined another thread (that im a little ashamed to be in im sad to say) but they have been alot of help and it saves you guys worrying about me

anyway gotta go, Miss A is crackin it,
xxx

[ElleJay]

Rach - I know that vent was partially towards my massive vent about my MG post. I've said to MANY people before that I don't believe that every single one of their babies sleeps that much - there's nothing saying that there are babies that sleep through the night, but I was saying that out of the 12 women in my MG (not including me) about 10 of them say that their bub sleeps 7-7 without a wake up (or 1 wake up and they go back to sleep) which I find a load of bull$h!t.. If only 2 or 3 of them said that their bub did, I'd applaud them and ask their tips.

It's also the reason I barely post in here anymore - is because I'm not feeling right myself and seeing other people saying great things bout their bub makes me feel like cr@p, and I've always lived by the rules 'If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all' - Well, except for a 'well done for how well Luke is doing' I've got nothing nice to say (that sounds bad, but I'm talking bout nothing nice to say on my side of thing) because I'm honestly struggling here and I've had nothing I've been happy about for a few weeks now.

But, if you wanna know, this is how everything is going here...

We've changed NOTHING out of the ordinary with DS routine, we're doing the same stuff that we did before and he's completely changed.
Also the fact that he doesn't settle during the day for me to do ANYTHING around the house, my self esteem is low because of how horrible the house looks (me sitting on the computer is the only way he settles during the day), he doesn't sleep during the day - today was a massive fluke! He slept from 12:30pm till 2pm with me and it's the first time he's done that for about 3 weeks.
Whenever I leave the room and leave him with DH - even for just one minute, he crys up a storm - I've literally not had a shower for 3 days because DS cries whenever he can't see me (and I can't put him in the bathroom with me because there's just no room)
I've had thoughts of just running away from everything, especially at the times where he wakes up at 1am and I've only been in bed for an hour because I've struggled to sleep.
My DH isn't a work away from home person, he goes to work and comes home every day.. BUT, I'm the same. He changed a nappy on Australia Day then the next time he did was the 7th of Feb when we were out. I got the line of 'I was the one that looked after him the most when he was first born' - Yeah, that was almost 4 months ago.. Who's been the one to do it now?! Out of all our bad nights, he's stayed up with him about.... 3 or 4 of them.. I'm always the one getting up to him after only an hour or two of sleep and taking him to another room when he's crying because I don't wanna wake DH up because he'll get snappy about having to work the next day (At the beginning of the summer school hoildays - the ones just gone - I said 'Great, you can help me a bit more with DS' to which he replied 'So I guess I don't get to enjoy my holidays'.. All I could say was 'Do you think that I get holidays period?!') DH doesn't feed him as often as I'd like.. But I'll just listen to everyone that says 'But your DH goes to work and comes home, he should be able to relax for a little while before he does anything' Sure, he can sit down and feed him! And baths, don't get me started.. He's never bathed him once! I've done all the bath stuff, there's been a few times where we've put sorbelene cream (DS has horrible skin ) on, but not enough times for my likings... Honestly, I could go on and on with the stuff I wish DH did more with DS, but it'll be dinner time before I finish (That is one thing I give him, he does all the cooking - except for Wednesdays when I do it because he's gone out to golf)

I'm constantly feeling like $h!t when I ask DH to watch him for a minute so I can do something for myself - oh and the biggest one - DH now has hobbies that he gets to do every week.. He goes to golf every Wednesday afternoon after work with workmates, bowling Thursday nights with an old high school friend.
Granted, we do poker with William - but of course, I'm the one that has to feed him, tend to him when he's grizzly, push him around. But poker is my one day a week of sanity, it's the one day a week I get out of the house. And, even that (poker) is starting to make me feel horrible.

I remember DH saying to me one day 'You do have to remember your not a single parent' and I just said out loud - because I'd had a horrible day - 'Yeah, well it bloody feels like it sometimes'
I have quite often thought about just ringing my dad and asking him to pick us up and leaving DH a note saying 'Staying with my dad for a few days, will be back on *insert date*' but I stay because DH deserves to see his DS when he gets home from work.

Last but not least is how one day I posted something bout being over everything - and I still maintain that I am over everyone and everything, MIL was sticking up for DH saying 'He does so much more than you think' Honestly, she's making him sound like he's superdad when he does stuff all!! ARGH! I love my MIL, but when she said that, I got angry - because it makes me look like I do nothing and he does everything (and she probably thinks that too with the state of the house)

But... after all this, I love being a mother, I still love my son so much, and I know he does these things because is just a baby, but I know whenever I see him smile, he loves me too... and that's all that matters to me right now. I just hate how down and $h!t I'm feeling all the time

I might as well just shut up and keep out of threads where I obviously upset people.. Man, it makes me feel like I'm in MG all over again.

And now, I shall be off - because in the time I've written this, I probably could have been doing the dishes because DS is now starting to get agitated. I don't know if I'll be back in, especially since I make people uncomfortable, but we'll see.

[Stevie]

oh LJ you poor thing. Your notmaking anyone uncomfortable sweetheart!!
Youve had a rough time i can see that, and im so sorry. I wish i could make it all better
Regarding your DH, im not much help on that front. i mean, you all know the dramas i have with mine. and trust me even though he's home for a week 24/7 he still does NOTHING. he's changed DD maybe 3 times in her life. fed her once and has yet to bath her. i try to puch these things because she wont be a baby forever and i dont want him to miss out. and i know how you feel, doing it all your own ive also realised its best NOT to say anything to MIL about DH coz its her son of course she's going to stick up for him.
Sounds to me like you need some 'you' time. i wish we lived closer, id make sure you got some men just dont get it. if they just pulled their finger out and did something everyone now and then. id be happy if DH just took over Bath times, all he's have to do is get in the freakin shower with her. THATS IT!! id get her out and dressed. as it stands now i have to wheel her changetable into the bathroom, have a shower with her, put her on the change table while i quikly finish in the shower (i know im a terrible mother- she hasnt learnt to roll yet but as soon as she does i wontbe doing it this way anymore) i mean he cant even take her out of the shower and just put a nappy on her til i get out GRRR..
if we cant come here to vent.. what hope have we got.
please dont feel like your in your MG (ps i kinda feel the same in mine) we're all here for you and supporting you. and i know im still super slack at replying to every detail of someones post but its so hard to find time to post these days.
if you ever need to chat , im here. ok. please dont leave the group.\
Tell Murry to take William for a drive somewhere, to his parents place or something to give you some alone time, even if you just sleep, it will do the world of good.
and your being a fantastic Mum, youve had such a rough time, and your doing wonderfully, i havent even been through half as much and have almost fallen apart a few times. i envy you sweetheart, i hope im as strong as person as you are when the time comes xxx

[Rach75]

LJ I wasn't having a go at you it was the replies you received from other people was one of my triggers .......... I started to message you on FB to give you a heads up but my comp froze and well I got lost in the day so to speak, please please no I wasn't having a go at you ... I'm sorry if you think I was...honest to god swear on my life... I hate hearing how sad you are I wish I lived over there and could just get you and william bring you home and let you sleep....

I was having a bad day, a friend IRL is actually what started how I was feeling, I made a comment about a 3am wake up and well she basically told me to suck it up... I was like WTF!!!!!!

anyway I am so sorry if I have upset you that truly was not my intent please dont leave

and you miss stevie, of course we all worry thats what belly buddies is about, feel free to vent about jon here... when we make comments or replies it because we care

ok I have said enough of to agnes tomorrow again I am sorry.............please forgive me

[emma8108]

Hey girls,

Rach - I understand where you're coming from. I don't post much anymore either (in here or the other group) cause Miss A seems to be doing everything right (and she does sleep through. She's up for 10 - 15 minutes for a feed about 3 then back to bed till 6:30) and I don't want to make other people doubt what they're doing, even though no one has ever said anything to me (if that makes sense). My BF from highschool has a 7 week old who isn't sleeping well at night and I've actually had her tell me she hates me (in a loving sort of way) when I say ALyssa slept such and such last night. I even thought twice about telling her she giggled on Tuesday because her DS isn't smiling yet.

Stevie - of course you can vent about Jon here. That's what we're all here for and trust me, if DH didn't do what he did I would be!!! I still do whinge to Mum about him and he does some of the housework and at least 1 nappy most days. and helps with bathtimes and helps settle her most nights. Makes me realise I shouldn't whinge so much....... Must make that my new years resolution

LJ - There are going to be times for all of us when everything feels like too much. I haven't had to deal with half as much as you and I was still driving home from a massgae the other day wondering if I could just drive around for another hour or so while DH had Alyssa (and how long it would be before he rang me to find me). Motherhood is such a demanding 24/7 job and I don't think any new mum realises what they're getting in for when they fall pregnant. I know I wasn't. Not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't the huge responsibility that is being a Mum. MIL's will always stick up for their sons. Mine is exactly the same...... I dared have a whinge about the amount of time he's out (Squash Thursday night, Cricket training Friday night and then Cricket half a day Saturday and beers afterwards) and her response was that he needed some out time. Should have seen the look I got when I asked when I got mine . Last time I try that!! Is there someone in your mother group or maybe your MIL that could give you a break for a couple of hours??? Or talk to the CHN and see what support is around for you. I'm sure there would be something! Don't leave us!! We're all here to help!!

LJ and Stevie - you are both inspirational. I know I couldn't do it without the help I get from DH and my Mum. You should both be so proud of yourselves and what you do every day. I heard a quote the other day that if a Mum gets one job around the house done each day she's a supermum. So decide what your one job is and feel good about getting that done. Remember that the dust will be there next week, month or year but our little bubbas are growing up before our eyes!!!!

[Tammie]

LJ,
Please don't leave us! You don't make any of us uncomfortable and we are more than happy to be a sounding board for you whenever you need to vent... you will feel much better if you get it out rather than try to keep it in.

By the sounds of it things have been very tough for you but please just try to remember that despite all this your beautiful little boy is worth it... as you said, his smiles make it all worthwhile.

I can't offer too much advice on the baby front because i am new to all this too. But (and i am very truthful here) all i know is that i had a baby who did sleep from 8pm - 5:30am without waking, and now i have a baby who wakes at about 2am every night. I have spoken with a few other mums and all our bubs seemed to have changed atm.... little W is not alone and you are not alone with it stressing you out. For the moment i have put it down to Eli's gums being sore, but perhaps their sleeping patterns have just changed?

As for your DH - i think we can all relate to frustrations on that front. My DH has a marine fish tank and before E was here he would spend an hour or 2 each afternoon on it (it's a big tank) but now i need his help for my sanity each afternoon when he gets home so he doesn't get the same amount of time to spend on it. After much discussion he is selling the tank and getting a tank half the size so he can help more.

I know it's hard but can you talk with your DH to try and help him understand that you need more assistance than you are getting? The only tip i can offer here is not to get defensive when you talk to him (i made that mistake the first time)... be calm and rational and just try to explain that you need the help and a break for your own happiness and benefit.

LJ, not sure if you can do this, but i have a friend who gives her baby to her DH on Friday afternoon when he gets home from work and the DH has to look after bub (including bath her, feed her, play, get her ready for bed and get up to her during the night) until Saturday morning when my friend wakes up. She doesn't go out anywhere, but she just gets time to herself to relax.... is you can do this you might find this helps to relieve the stress you are feeling?

Enough from me - but i am very sorry if i have offended or upset you (i certainly have never meant to) and you don't make me feel uncomfortable so please stay with us!

Hi to everyone out there and i will be back later.
x.

[Tammie]

BTW - what is MG? What is RAK?

Sorry - i am useless!

[Stevie]

tam: MG = mothers group
and RAK: is a Random Act of Kindness (its a thing they're doing on belly belly (for their birthday?) where you can buy someone else a subscription to bellybelly just out of the kindness of your soul its a nice thought really.
i will bbl but DH comes home today and MIL is out so have to clean the house with Miss A today.. this will be a challenge lol
bbl...
xxx

[fi1980]

Oh dear, I think we all need a

Rach, you shouldn't feel bad about telling us how great Luke is doing. I think it's important that we all share our good and bad experiences because we all know that there are good times and there are bad times. When I'm going through a rough patch and I hear lots of good stories it gives me hope that things will get better for me soon. I don't think you are lying when you say Luke sleeps through. Leila sleeps through. Almost every night she sleeps from about 9-6. I don't let her cry, not ever. She can be very difficult to settle sometimes so it takes a lot of patience to get her to sleep but I know that once she is down she usually sleeps through. Of course there are nights when she is unsettled and at around 12 weeks she had an off week which was really tough, but generally speaking she sleeps 9 hours every night. I'm not lying and I don't let her cry. I know that I am very lucky and I feel for anyone that has a more difficult time than I do.

LJ. We all feel for you hun. We have all had tough times and know how hard it can be, for these tough times to continue on must be unbearable and my heart goes out to you. Please don't leave us. We can help you! Just coming in here to vent is a great way to start feeling better, I know it always helps me. From what I have heard most MG are really *****y so don't let it bother you too much. If you don't enjoy it then don't go. There are plenty of forums on here to help you and give you the advice that you need. Have you been to see your CHN recently? They are great for helping you deal with things when it all gets too much, they have so much advice and experience to share. Perhaps if you want to share with us more specifically the things you find most difficult then we can try and offer you some advice? The girls in here have given me heaps of advice that has helped, things that I wouldn't have even thought of because I am so clueless sometimes! Motherhood is tough. It's really tough and I've found it's largely about trial and error. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't and this can change from day to day which makes it almost impossible to figure out! Patience is the most important thing but when you are so tired, stressed and overwhelmed patience is not something you haave a lot of. You need a break hun. A good sleep will do you the world of good but I know this is easier said than done. Can you leave DS with your in laws for an afternoon or even overnight one night so you can get a good sleep? Sleep deprivation is a killer! Everything is impossible when you are sleep deprived yet given the same situation when you are well rested, things don't seem so bad after all.

Seems like DH's are a common theme! Most of them just don't get it. Mine is being such a pain at the moment. I have been really sick with a horrible cold. If I didn't have a baby I probably would of spent 2 days in bed just sleeping and trying to recover, that's how bad I've felt. You would think that DH would be sympathetic and help out more? Nope, stupid jerk still makes time to go to the gym after work and do all the things he wants to do before he comes home to help. Then he wants to know what I am doing for dinner He wont take Leila to entertain her and give me a break until he is changed and refreshed and totally comfortable - mind you I'm a mess in vomit encrusted clothes! Last night he had her for no more than 10 minutes before saying, 'time to go back to mummy' WTF??? No way I say. Then of course I feel terrible for saying I don't want my baby. Oh, ok he says I'll keep looking after her for a bit - in a tone that suggests he is doing me the biggest favour in the world and I should be forever grateful for the effort he has gone to. Then she is tired because she's hardly slept all afternoon and I'm exhausted so I say maybe he should put her to bed but no, he can't because there is something he is watching on TV! At this point I crack it and say "I never get to watch tv! I miss everything, every night because I am entertaining our daughter or trying to put her to bed while you sit on the couch watching crap and drinking wine" Then I carry on about how sick I am and how unsupportive he is etc etc. So I put her to bed but then he offers to sleep in the spare room with the monitor so I can sleep without listening out for her or getting up if she wakes. Great, I go to bed. An hour later she is screaming. The poor thing has my cold and is all stuffed up and stressed because she can't breathe through her nose. Of course DH can't settle her (not that he tried too hard, he never does) so I am up, feeling like crap and trying to settle her down while DH cracks it and says how unreasonable it is that he should be up with her when he has to work tomorrow. OMG did I lose it then!! As you know, I am now back at work not to mention sick as a dog. Anyway, my DH is a huge pain in the butt at times and he wonders why I never want to DTD!! (sorry tmi ). He has no idea how hard and tiring motherhood can be. I do pretty much everything. I'm now back at work, I'm sick and I'm struggling. I have no family or close friends here to help. I have to soldier on and do it all myself. There is noone here to give me a break, not ever (except when my mum flies up for a visit). 24/7 I am on call and I am tired. Wow, what a vent I am having! Guess I'm more over it than I thought. Thankfully I'm starting to feel a bit better, still feel pertty rotten though

Tammie, MG is mothers group and RAK is random act of kindness Also, thanks for the advice on wrapping (unwrapping).

Hi to everyone else, hope you are well.

Fi x