Babies born~September 2007 #58

MP, breakfast here doesn't really work. He has a warm milo and a bowl of crappy cereal (milo, coco rocks etc), dry sitting on the couch. Far from ideal but it is all I can get him to eat.

MD, my mind is a permanent fog these days. I have just dug out the DS and will get the brain train game but atm I am just too stuffed to even attempt it.

G, sleep is absolutely terrible but I don't want to be a downer.

O.K, actually I will have a whinge. I thought that W was the ultimate in crappy sleeping children, but Miss A seems to have upped the game! She has two day sleeps for 20 minutes each and as well as waking every hour or two during the night she has now added the extreme early wake-ups or the late late night. This week we have had a 3am get up on Tuesday morning and 11.30pm bedtimes on Wednesday and Friday. Last night I was getting so angry at her because she just wouldn't go to friggin' sleep so I woke DH up for a bit of support which was a massive mistake - spent the next half hour having a fight about how selfish I was to wake him etc. Far out, I just want some sleep! I wake each morning with a tired headache. W woke last night and waited for me to finish resettling A and when I put him back in bed he said "I'm so sorry about this mum. I am sorry for waking you up". Poor kid, I think I have been to hard on him and now he feels guilty for needing me at night.

In other news - the other day W randomly started counting to 5 in Maori! The pronunciation was terrible, but good enough that I could recognise it. He must have picked it up from Kindy and telly because I haven't actively taught him. I will have to brush up on it now because I can only go to 6 lol. He can recognise all the letters of the alphabet now too.

Also a mothers group whinge - one of the ladies kept her older child home from school because she has a cough that keeps her up most of the night, then brought her to mothers group instead!! Grrrr. Like I don't have enough trouble without a persistant cough to add to it! And there is a 3 week old baby at MG that is always there (well, since she was born but her mum is a regular), have a bit of respect woman!!

Trill I LOL'd reading your post, I so can imagine you standing there doing the "Excuse me?" with *exactly* the right tone of voice. :D

Re breakfast, I've practically given up on it lately. She used to be a happy 2-course breakfast consumer, starting with 2 weetbix, porridge, cereal, then moving onto toast, crumpets, etc. Then it shrank to just the toast/crumpets, then it shrank to only one peice of toast or just half of the crumpet (the top half, with the honey on LOL). She eats plenty during the day so I'm not too concerned.

Arte - hun I don't know what to say. Your DH really just doesn't understand how tough you're doing it. Could you maybe write it down for him on a piece of paper - a quantifiable record of how few hours sleep you're getting - and talk about what you can do as a family to improve the situation. I really don't know how you're hanging in there. Is it time to reconsider some sleep clinic support from the tweedle people (sorry can't remember that weird name) - they might be helpful, it could be a different experience from the last time you contacted them. xxx

OK Flakey brain update...after stewing on it & not being able to decide whether to keep my trap shut, or contact the selection panel and self-disclose, I decided to trade on my existing employee status and seek some advice/advocacy from the section that handles return to work and injury rehabilitation, etc. It's not like I'm some random off the street, kwim, as an existing staff member who have made absolutely no demands on them during the entire course of my treatment I deserve some support. The painful part is I have enough expertise in the tested area to understand how poorly I've performed, it's pretty ironic. I've got a referral in process to see a psych with an interest in this area for some strategies and maybe some brain training stuff. They say it tends to improve a lot over the first few years, but not much help to me if I can't get a job NOW when I need it. Anyway DH got home today and I spent most of the day in bed but I'm still bone tired, just a bit frustrated as it's now six months since my surg and I'm ready to start feeling "normal" again.

MD- i really feel for you. I struggle with my brain function not being what it used to be and i've only got placenta dementia, not chemo brain. Good on you for seeking some help. I honestly feel so dumb sometimes, I can't remember things i have done or the right words to express myself. I was thinking of getting one of those kids computer game things with brain training on it!

G- You know my thoughts on *****y crap. I find it difficult to keep up with all my friends, so i say ditch anyone who is giving you more grief than you are getting out of the friendship. But if that seems to difficult as it is a 'circle' of friends, then just don't let her get to you, ignore the bull**** and carry on as usual.

Arte- Seriously, you need to do something about your lack of sleep. I don't know how you are functioning. Do you have ANY family that could help? Perhaps you need to go to sleep school or consider other settling techniques. :dunno: Do you let A grizzle? I don't let the girls cry and get upset, but it was a real revolution for me when i realised if i let either of them grizzle, sort of making noise but not really upset IYKWIM, often they went to sleep or resettled. I learnt to listen to them and discovered that they can cry out without being upset and i quickly learnt the difference between the cries. Prior to that i would literally RUN in if Lu made a peep. I dunno, just throwing some idea out there in case something helps you.

Cass- What a cow. :o She's just jealous.

MP- We don't really do breakfast round here wither. Although i have noticed if i add a littel honey to the weetbix and banana or porridge it is much more likely to be eaten! But i don't really eat breaky and we have morning tea so i don't worry too much.

Well, i am not sure if it's me, or L, but somedays i just want to strangle her. :o She is so challenging at the moment. Everything is No, i don't want to, i want to, and the whinging?! Far out, it never stops.:wall: She plays so rough with S, doesn't listen at all and has massive tantrums and demands things all the time. It's really wearing me down. I need some strategies to cope with her behavior. I just end up losing it and yelling, or smacking her sometimes, then feeling like a failure as a mother and all that garbage. :redface: I am ashamed of how i am coping and need to change. Any ideas?

I understand the feeling Ange :hug: What worked for me was picking my battles. If they were carrying on like a pork chop over something really insignificant and whinging, I would just walk away, shut the door behind me and leave them to it. usually after a few minutes they would lose interest and go off and do something else. Do you think she would understand if you explained to her that you don't play so rough with your sister? I know sometimes you do lash out and smack, and then immediately regret it, but sometimes it is the only thing that will work kwim? Maybe she just need stimulation? I know that you went out and did a lot of stuff while you were still here, but I'm guessing they don't have play centres and all that jazz over there, so she might be missing it?

Arte, you have got to do something. You're not just treading water anymore with this you are drowning and Dh needs to pull his finger out of his ass and help you out because you just can't do it on your own anymore. I don't have any practicle advice for the kids sleep, because I honestly don't know what will fix that other than time and a hell of a lot of patience on your part, but what would be a normally ****house situation is made 100 times worse because he isn't supporting you and helping you out.

MD how are you feeling today hun? :hug: I hope the appointment with the psych helps you out and you feel a little more in control again. I'm sure that this is just a temporary thing for you.

MD, glad you decided to tell your employer, it is your right as an employee and they have a duty of care to support their workers.

JM, we don't have any family that will help. I couldn't even get someone to watch W for a few hours so I could give birth, so I assume that I wouldn't have much luck getting someone here just so I could have a nap. Mum offered to come up when A was due, but then went to a dog show out of cell phone reception that weekend and didn't tell me (just hoping that I didn't go into labour and would never know). I have tried leaving A to grizzle but she amps up very quickly and cries with tears if I don't go in to get her. My mum would just say that it is my fault because I pick her up every time she makes a peep. Actually that whole attitude ****s me because she would never leave one of her puppies yelping all night for it's mum - she would force the mother dog in to look after it but when it is human babies she is all for leaving them to cry!

Sleep school in NZ involves me driving two hours to the city to watch two videos of controlled crying.

DH has been a help as much as he can, but since he can't settle them it is hard for him to do much. Today we did manage to have turns having a nap which was great. LOL, he is always a grump when I wake him - he still feels guilty that he swore and grumped at me when I woke him up the night I was in labour with A. He does do the early morning shift when they get up at 3am which I am really thankful for.

JM, I have been there with the never ending tantrums. It is really hard to cope when EVERYTHING turns into a meltdown. There were a few months there that it was hard to force myself to spend any time with W because I knew that it would only last moments before it disintegrated into yet another hour long tantrum. A few times I did resort to shutting him in his room for his own good. Perhaps post in the support panel part for some tips and advice?

ETA, JM I was just thinking about how we got through the worst of the tantrum days and the saving grace was the star chart. Even on the days when there wasn't much good to reward I would pounce on the tiniest thing and slather on the praise...wow, you put that book away! Awesome, that was really helpful! You did a good job, I'm really happy with you - you can have a star! etc...
It did make a difference to focus on the positive behaviours (even though some days they were very few and far between lol) rather than the constant nagging and growling when you are stuck reacting to bad behavior. Each star was accompanied by a smartie and at the end of each row (about 15 stars) he got a freddo. I aimed for a freddo pay-off every 3-4 days. I am the bribery queen lol.

*mwah* girls i really think it is time for september buddies camp group hug :grouphug: it's been a bit of a rough trot lately...so so glad that we have found eachother for this much needed support xx

Arte: big phat :hug: sweet. as you know that is totally insane with the lack of sleep. is there any services like here where you can get like a pinky mckay person to come to your house and work with you on more gentle approaches for sleep solutions? maybe have a google. i know that there are a few around here in melb. they do cost a bit (depending on who you go to) but i reckon it is an investment needed. this just doesnt seem sustainable babe xx
i thought that your DH had some success with sleep with W? or was that a blue moon moment lol? maybe if you guys divvy up the kids? so if W wakes, DH goes to him and then you can deal with A or vice versa? just throwing out ideas...

JM: oh tell me about it girl! we had a SHOCKER couple of months with L. i *think* this was all happening when you were in the move to PNG. but it got to the point with her where i was just at a loss. like you mentioned suddenly it ALL became a battle. to the point where she would shoot herself in the foot and miss out on things because she said no (like if she said "no dont wanna go to mothers group" then we wouldnt go LOL!....much to my horror lol). i dont really have many words of wisdom as i like you i just tore my hair out and at times resorted to smacking. not my finest parenting moment and frikkin' hey i felt like a monster. all i can offer is similar to what Arte mentioned, try your darndest to focus on the posititves, even if they are few and far between. and i also noticed little things *could* help like if i changed her play area around, or sat down one on one with her and created a fantasy space...ie nursery and booby feeding chair for dolly (the child is obsessed with breastfeeding lol). but ultimately i think the main thing that got her to turn around was just the fact that it was a (ugly) development phase that needed to be worn.

MD: good on ya for taking the affirmative action! it's such a female thing to not say a word and takes a great deal of courage to seek that extra support from the mechanisms that are in place in the workforce. just try to remember that they are there for a reason, and man, do you have a reason! i hope that it can bring something positive for you (like a frikkin awesome job!!).

AFM: not much to report. although i have decided that it's about time i win tattslotto. what do you guys reckon LOL?!

Well that is a start at least that he will do the early shift for you Arte :hug: Maybe you might have to co-sleep to see if that helps with at least one of them?

Cass, I reckon I need to win it too, so how's about a syndicate? LOL Would be lovely wouldn't it? But you have to buy a ticket in the thing first so I don't have much hope of ever winning ROFL.

Oh, I forgot to say earlier too, I had a chat with L's teacher on Thursday and she wanted to talk to me ahead of the semester reports going home and I thought 'uh-oh' and then she said, 'academically he is very very bright and his report is outstanding, but behaviourally, he's a ratbag!' and she didn't want me to be unprepared for it because she wrote about it in the report etc. I knew that he was playing up a little - mainly practical joking and clowning around but I didn't realise the depth of it. He has apparently been calling out in class when they are having discussion time because he knows the answers all the time, but calls out if she doesn't call on him to answer. He has also had two detentions I didn't know about! So we had a little chat once we got home and basically I've worked out that the problem is he gets impatient with the kids who aren't real bright and a little slow to answer, or who don't know the answers and he reckons that his teacher should just let him answer, so instead of waiting patiently to be called on, he just calls out. Same with reading in class, he is an awesome reader and speller but gets frustrated with the other kids being slower readers when reading aloud to the class or not being able to spell. I explained to him that he needs to learn to have tolerance and patience and not to call out, that it makes it hard for his teacher etc so hopefully I got through to him. I phoned his teacher on Friday morning and told her what he told me and she said that she thought that is what the problem was, because he doesn't do it in his maths or literacy class as he is in the top group for those and all the kids know the answers etc, but he does it during regular class time which is a composite 3/4 class and there is a really broad range of abilities in the class. And here I was thinking that Erin was the one I would have trouble with because of her dominant personality, yet it was my mild mannered boy! One thing I have noticed with him the past few months is that he is really starting to gain confidence - he used to be terribly shy when he was younger and now he's blossomed into this charismatic and popular boy kwim? But the confidence is also coming off as ****iness as well which we will have to try to minimise. Its funny though that most of the unit at Uni is talking about child development and adolescence and egocentrism etc and how they act while they are going through it, but I didn't even really see it in him until after talking to his teacher. *sigh* just when you think that you've dealt with all the behavioural toddler stuff you move onto this delightful ball game of adolescence!

hello ladies

trill- wow you have a little 'will hunting' on your hands there! LOL tbh, i would rather have that than the kid who acts out because they don't understand what's going on academically iykwim? he's just impatient and bored, which is totally understandable.
i can totally hear you saying 'excuse me' to the biatch too! just like md said. even though i've never heard your voice i can totally imagine it ROFL. i'm going to take your advice on board and say it to her next time she's nasty :)

jm- i always thought you had it really down pat- everytime i saw L give S a hard time i thought you handled it perfectly by making her sit up against the wall and then apologise to S. i even came home and copied you. is that not working anymore?
L is pretty good with all this, but wehave noticed that ruby has been giving J a bit of a hard time lately- even though she absolutely loves him to death and is all over him with affection- she can just turn on him and push him over, snatch his toy etc. we thought it was just an age thing? dunno?
oh and you picked the mg trouble maker- i think you'll know who i'm talking about LOL i think she had me fooled for a while and was putting on an act but have true colours have started coming out.

my dh is a complete nightmare atm. i totally cannot stand him. he has a cold and honestly, you would think he was dying the way he is carrying on. i just can't stand him. i'm basically not even talking to him because he is such a selfish grump.

Thanks G, you've given me a little confidence back! TBH i think i am not as relaxed as i used to be. Feeling house bound this week and stress levels were higher than usual! I feel like we're doing that ALL the time and not getting anywhere yanno? I hoped it would be getting better by now, but she is just so boisterous. I am feeling more relaxed and confident again now, thanks! :D Hopefully it's a phase.....Take the kids to your dad's and leave DH to wallow in his own self pity. ;)

Trill- I'm going to work on picking my battles, thanks for the tip. :) I think she definitely needs some more stimulation, the twins she plays with all the time are in Australia atm, and i've been stuck in the house waiting for the aircon men to show up. So she's not been out as much as usual. The worst thing is, if i put the TV on she just sits quietly and watches it. So i do that when it all gets too much. I think i am probably most of the proble. I've been housebound for a week and not as tolerant as usual. So i spoke to DH and i'm going to leave the girls with Obette, our garden Meri a few mornings a week and go swimming or play golf just to get out. I was a little like L at school. I always found it easy, so i would play up a bit. It frustrated the teachers no end. :lol: Maybe now that she knows what the problem is she can give him some extra work?

Arte- i am making a star chart as we speak! thanks. x

Cass- you have given me light at the end of the tunnel!

Ohh Dh home for lunch..... bbl

jm- i wish i could bring L around for a wrestle with L. that used to get all their energy and boisteressness out!!! ROFL
it's hard when you're housebound. we're feeling it a bit atm due to the bad weather. i can't just take them over to the oval anymore for a run-around so it is hard. feeling more stressed than usual too.
can't leave the kids with dh as it's them that suffers not him iykwim? i'm just ignoring him for a few days and only talking to him if i absolutely have to. he's a whinging pita.

ooh i hear ya on the weather front. we have been cooped up this weekend and unfortunately no one EVER drops round to say hi...seems we are always the ones that need to bully our way into people's homes lol. man i miss that part of living in QLD and Fiji, the good ol' fashion 'drop round' for a cuppa and a biscuit...seems that the southern states just dont have it in their blood lol!

hi girls

i know i've posted on this before, but it's coming to crunch time and i really need to make a final decision on kinder before next year. would love some input from you wise women. i have an open day at one of the 2 i'm deciding between tomorrow- to try to get a feel for it. so here goes...these are the 2 options:
option 1) closest to our house (about 5 mins drive)
direct feeder to the primary school that i am 95% sure the boys will be going to, so they will have the same friends
has an ok outdoor area, no shade
the biatch from MG is definitely sending her kids there, L has ongoing issues with her dd. they do not get along at all.
the admin so far have been very hard to deal with- do not return phonecalls, or emails. i have found them very ineffecient and unhelpful
hours are afternoons for 3 year olds. 1.15-3.15pm twice a week. L is very crabby at this time of the day and at the moment need a sleep or quiet time watching dvd. this could, of course, change by next year.
afternnon session would mean that i could do an activity with both boys in the morning, then L would go to kinder while J slept, so i might actually get some time to myself. L may be very reluctant to go at this time though as he usually likes relaxing and winding down in afternoons and doing activities in morning.

option 2) 10 mins drive from our house
most kids from there will go to a bigger primary school that is further from our house so i was not considering this primary school as an option for the boys
has an amazing outdoor area, garden, pet bunny, vegie garden etc.
admin staff have been extremely helpful, efficent, friendly and welcoming. have had long phone conversations with them.
have a well-planned out fire plan in conjunction with the nearby primary school- all clearly written out and explained
hours are mornings for 3 year olds- 9.30-11.30 twice a week. L is in a good mood at this time of the day and behaviour is better.
his best friend is going to this kinder

hey G
I think the 2nd one sounds better.... i am sure some kids from there will end up going to the local primary too and it just sounds more up your alley...having a best friend there will make the transition easier for him too. and the bunny etc - too cute!
if you go with the 1st one though (and you will get more of a feel tomorrow i guess) then i woldnt worry about the MG lady and DD, there will be so many other kids for L to play with etc...

thanks mp. i'm definitely leaning towards option 2. this is the one that has the open day tomorrow-so i'm excited to find out more about it. option 1 has an open day in july.
i should clarify as well that option 2 is a feeder to 3 particular primary schools- our primary school is not one of them however, so i would be very suprised if any kids from there ended up going to our primary school- particularly as one of their feeder primary schools has a very good reputation. it would be an even further drive for me though as it is an extra 10 mins out of the way itms?
his best friend will not be going to our primary school, but a different one alltogether so they would have to split up in 2 years. would this be a problem? am i better off just keeping them apart from the very beginning?
sorry for all the questions but it's a big decision and i'm very confused. dh, of course, is being his non-helpful, i don't care, you make a decision, useless pita as usual.

G, I think the way you describe the two options shows that you have already made the decision even if you don't realise it yet!

BBL for more

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ooh i hear ya on the weather front. we have been cooped up this weekend and unfortunately no one EVER drops round to say hi...seems we are always the ones that need to bully our way into people's homes lol. man i miss that part of living in QLD and Fiji, the good ol' fashion 'drop round' for a cuppa and a biscuit...seems that the southern states just dont have it in their blood lol!

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Cass I hear you loud and clear on that. I practically have to be having a wedding or something before people come to my house...except for one friend who lives around the corner, she stays up late like me so sometimes pops in for a cuppa after tea. No daytimers though. :(

Ginger, I think option 2 sounds better. I chose to send DD1 to a kindy that was a couple of suburbs away even though there were others closer that fed more kids into our school. I honestly don't think that part of it makes a difference. I went with the one I felt had the most nurturing energy, it's their first intro to the world of institutionalised education so you want a place that will capture their imagination and get them enthused about going to big boy school. My DD's longtime bestie (daughter of friend mentioned above) has *never* been to same school and they are still tight, I think if your friendship with their mum is going to continue, then their friendship will continue again, if anything they develop a better appreciation for each other when they're not in each other's pockets all the time, kwim.

thanks md, love ya :)
you're so right.

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