Big Kaz, I cant help with your OP but I just wanted to ask if you have written down your birth story? I am not sure but it might be good therapy for you to get it all of your chest. You dont even have to post it but just to get it out might help.
I know you went through such a tough time but you did everything you could and you did birth your gorgeous little man and should be proud (easy for me to say than it is for you to believe I am sure).
Anyway lots of and to you. Hope you can get some help from the other ladies in here as well.