How Do You Detach From The Lure of Materialism?

[AngelPunks]

on the whole I'm not materialistic, people may think that because I live in a yuppy area, own my own place, own two cars, like the "good things" in life. But I'm not, I haven't bought any "fancy" things for myself in a very long time, I don't remember when I last bought perfume or makeup, I don't want any fancy toys for my place (new tv, games consoles etc). I loathe shopping, you basically have to drag me into a shop kicking and screaming (and a few friends have had to literally take my hand to take me into a shop to buy some very badly needed clothes).

Since my x-husband kicked me out and left me with a huge debt I've had to live on the smell of an oily rag, literally some fortnights I'm broke 2 days after pay and have to survive the rest of the fortnight with minimal food in the house and no money to spare to buy any because I've had to pay big bills in one hit.

I know I put down in the thread about the lotto draw about what I'd spend the money on but a large proportion of that money was going to go to certain charities that I support, some of the money would have been getting my financial life in order so I'm not surviving on $10 a fortnight (a big thank you to my xh for wracking up nearly $300k in debt and leaving me with it with the threat that if he paid anything towards the debt that he'd make me sell my unit that I had before he came along - this threat was during the marriage so I paid the mortgage for the place even though it was his debts that caused the mortgage as I'd had it nearly paid off when he came along)

[onthefly]

When it comes right down to it, nothing i've ever bought has made me as happy as my son, husband, family or friends.
Sometimes I want things for practical reasons, and I may be lured by the 'better' thing. Sometimes that's an unnecessary luxury, but sometimes it's so it lasts longer or works better. But honestly, I think that's about the extent of my materialism these days.
I HATE the idea of buying lots of plastic crap for my son just because it's christmas or whatever. And it depresses me sometimes all the useless junk we've accumulated over the years - often bought 'just because' - that ends up forgotten at the back of shelves or packed away in boxes. When I feel the urge to buy 'stuff' I try to remind myself of all the other stuff we already have and don't need.

[surprised]

Great thread... too tired to think atm so just replying to subscribe

[Maruschke]

I live in a tiny tiny unit with DD1 and DH. It is small, so we have to think very carefully before buying anything. I have very limited space for furniture and clothes and kitchen applicances. It is now cheaper to live like this than to rent even a studio apartment. In turn, we don't need to earn as much money in order to pay off the bigger mortgage, furniture etc. We spend more time just enjoying each other and less time working.

If I was to move to a 4bed, 2 bath, 2 garage place wonderfully furnished full of 'materialism', I would need to work full time, with DD1 in full time care, and move out to the suburbs, spending more time travelling, less time together as a family, more time stressing over finances.... basically spend very little quality time enjoying my family and even less time enjoying 'materialism'.

My family is more important to me than having pride in a huge house or materials, and this ideal comes from my faith.

[Roryrory]

TBH Bath I think I detach from it by having enough money. sounds counterintuitive but here goes.

Maslow (a famous psychologist) talked about a hierarcy of needs. Its only when needs like air, food, shelter, etc are met that you can even think about more spiritual ones. So I think because I have enough, and if I wanted to I can "have" much more than I have got, I feel like I am making a choice. So not wanting, not buying and not accumulating is an expression of my personal power over my life.

It sounds really egocentric but if you CHOOSE not to buy things, suddenly you stop wanting them, and they loose their appeal.

I HATE the idea of buying lots of plastic crap for my son just because it's christmas or whatever.

I am so with you. A good way to think about toys is "play value". IMO if a kid is going to get less than 50 hours of play out of something then you have to seriously question if its worth it. Take those (incredibly cool looking) robotic dinosaurs in the catalogues ATM. Can you imagine how HAPPY a kid would be to get one of those for Christmas!!!

And can you imagine where it will be on new years day? My guess is in the spare room next to the luggage set bought at the boxing day sales and behind the foldout bed that still hasn't been put away since Grandma went home.....

[suse]

My attitude to materialism is more along practical lines than spiritual. I don't so much detach from materialism so much as put it in context and give it balance.

Rory made a good point about the heirarchy of needs, although we are not in what is a generally accepted definition of well-off (technically my DP is a low income earner), we don't want for anything, our desires are in context to our capacity to achieve them.

There are many things that I would like, but not at the expense of the lifestyle I live or of being comfortable with my ethical choices. I love to cook, so a fully decked out kitchen with modern appliances would be great. I love film and media, so a custom built media room would really allow me to enjoy an immersive experience. But I couldn't afford any of these things without making a lot of compromises to the way I live and work and to who I am, and they would not provide enjoyment relative to what they would cost (not just in financial terms). So an object needs to fulfil a specific and tangible purpose and not just be illusory desire for its own sake.

So sure, I have 'stuff'. I have a good surround sound system and a Hi Def LCD TV, because it optimises the experience of watching a good film. I don't have it for its own sake, I have it because it fulfils a purpose. And it will continue to be used until it is no longer capable of fulfilling that purpose, it won't be replaced just because something newer and shinier comes along.

As an example of this, although I can appreciate that an iPhone has many useful features, I am just as happy with my cheap pre-paid Nokia because all I need to do is make calls, an iPhone has no practical value for me.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks for the interesting discussion girls I also wanted to raise (although some of you have covered it already a bit) how much we need our "stuff" to define who we are. How easily could we function with just the basics of food shelter transport (ie public transport) without feeling antsy? Can anyhow imagine that there would be a freedom in relinquishing all our stuff? Has anyone ever secretly hoped that their house would burn down so that they could be freed of the weight/burden of everything... and see how they feel about the person that is left standing with just their clothes? (I have). Ok, so if that idea definitely DOESN'T appeal to you do you think that it would never-the-less be good for you? (maybe like a dose of yukky tasting medicine) Or is having stuff or not neutral in terms of how you feel you can grow as a person? Are you a better or worse person for all your stuff and your ability to accumulate it? I'm not really talking about necessities... ok so everyone needs at least 1 set of shoes .. but how damaging is it to say, own 100 sets? or is this of no consequence to a persons character? I guess what I mean is: is there any benefit of frugality? Does the notion of only taking what you need appeal to you? Or is it of no consequence if people take more than what they need? How would our communities change if people focussed more on the kind of people they were instead of furnishing lives so that everyone can defined by their possessions. Would living in such a society be unbearable for you? Or could you see yourself adapting? I'm not saying that materialism/private ownership would be banned... I'm not talking Communism here... but what if society just naturally started to change toward a preference to less-is-more? Would you buck the trend or fit right in?

The reason I popped this in the spiritual forum is because I guess I'm hoping that the discussion will lean toward how this all relates to our growth or retardation of our spirit. I know I've asked heaps of questions.... no need to answer them all... just whatever you feel you'd like to respond to.

[onthefly]

Has anyone ever secretly hoped that their house would burn down so that they could be freed of the weight/burden of everything... and see how they feel about the person that is left standing with just their clothes?

YES! Kinda glad I'm not the only one.

How would our communities change if people focussed more on the kind of people they were instead of furnishing lives so that everyone can defined by their possessions.

I think it would be a relief! But also very confronting. I think I've spent much of my life terrified of finding out who I am and it's only in the past few years that I've started to overcome that. It's taken a lot of time and maturity, as well as life experience, to accept me as me, and not try to hide behind things. Real genuine relationships with open people have helped me with this (ie, when I see them I start to see myself through them), so throwing away the trappings of materialism would only help more.