2 Miscarriages in 5 months - 2 Angel Babies

[AnnaMcG]

Hi, I am new to this website. I live in Victoria, BC Canada but haven 't been able to find any local websites to join to talk about the pain I am feeling at losing two babies in 5 months. So here I am talking to you all thousands of miles away from me cause really it doesn't matter as long as I can talk to someone who can understand first hand what I am going through.
So here goes....... in March of this year we found out that I was pregnant with our 2nd child. We were so very excited and quite surprised that it happened so fast (we had only been trying for about one month, if that). As the weeks progressed and I neared the end of my first trimester I thought it odd that I wasn't showing. I thought that I would be showing sooner being as this was my second baby, but I had no other physical signs (eg.bleeding) to make me worry. Well one week before my 18 week ultra sound I started bleeding, but it was brown blood and I had that with my first pregnancy (at about 32 weeks) so I wasn't too worried, nor was my midwife. I had no cramping or pain and I thought I could feel the baby moving. The bleeding continued all week which worried me and then finally the day before my ultra sound the blood started turning red. In my heart I knew our baby was dead but I still kept hoping I was wrong. We went to our ultrasound appointment the next day and there on the screen I saw our sweet baby. Right away I knew the baby was gone. There was no heartbeat. My hubby said "there's the little guy", but I knew, I couldn't see a heartbeat. Our baby was gone. And then the technician told us "Guys I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but your baby died and died at about 13 weeks". Talk about utter devastation! I just couldn't believe that I had been walking around for the past 5 weeks not knowing that my baby had died. So I had to have a D & C to have the baby removed. They did a test and found out the baby had Trisomy 21 and that he/she wouldn't have made it to term. And now 5 months later I am having another miscarriage. I found out last Friday that I was pregnant and on that exact day I began bleeding brown blood again. I so wanted to believe that the bleeding would stop and that this baby would live, but this one was not meant for me to meet in this lifetime either. I feel so sad, yet this time I don't seem to want to cry as much and that makes me feel guilty. I miss both my babies so much and I worry that I will never be able to have another baby. My first pregnancy was a textbook pregnancy and it just boggles my mind that after such an easy pregnancy that I could be having such a hard time carrying a baby to term this time. I feel so lonley sometimes. My family and friends have been a great support, but none of them have been through this personally so I just want to talk to someone who can relate.
I am so sorry to all of you too who have lost your babies. I am slowly trying to learn to live with a broken heart.
Thanks for listening.
Anna

[cherie26]

Anna
I am so sorry for your loss. I know all to well how you feel and the pain of wanting to believe that all will be ok.
I have just found out i am pregnant again after my loss in march. I also had browning spotting but for meand thought here we go again but it stopped and was implantation spotting.
All the ladies is here a great and no matter where you live we will all be here to support you. When I lost my angel I planted a beautiful plant with bright flowers so everytime I looked at it I remember my angle is always with me.
Take time to heal and know that one day you will think of your angel and smile not cry.
You are in my thoughts and prays

[tkm1475]

Hugs and prayers, Anna.:hugs:

[Jayney]

Anna,

I am sorry for you losses. It is hard to deal with multiple losses in a short time. I too have experienced losses close together and know that you are not alone. What surprised me most after my M/Cs was when I talked to other women how many of them I had known for a long time who had also m/c. Here there are many of us who understand your pain and concern about future pregnancies. Not all of us are halfway around the world. We are practically neighbors. Relatively speaking!

[Ellie]

Anna
I'm so sorry for your losses but so glad you have found Belly Belly. The support you will find here is totally awesome...I wouldn't have got through without the wonderful ladies here. I know the pain of losing a baby...and the weight of carrying a broken heart...it hurts...really hurts. I think of my babies everyday and hope they know how much I love them. Hang in there sweetie...we're all here for you xxx

[*las*]

Recurrent miscarriages are sooo hard, I lost my 3rd pregnancy in March, then my 4th in June - to go through it once is hard enough, but twice in a row is an even harder heartbreak.

Just wanted to send you lots of love and hugs. I know you will find lots of support here.

[Lissie]

Anna,

I am so sorry for your losses. I hate to say but most of us understand the pain you are in - it just takes time to learn to live with it, but unfortunately the pain never really leaves it just dulls a bit.
Anna - take some time out for yourself, be kind to yourself and don't rush things, your emotions are probably all over the place right now not to mention the hormones in your body. I wish i could take the pain away for you but i can't all i can do is send you a and my thoughts.

[AnnaMcG]

I never expected so many replies of support so fast. Thank you all so much. Reading all of your posts has made me feel understood and much better, plus I had a really nice talk with my hubby so I don't feel so alone anymore. You all are very strong women and I am glad to have met you.

[Auntie M]

i am so sorry for your losses. i wish my tears could heal your pain. big hugs. m

[Netti]

I know how you feel, i had a txt book pregnancy firs time round all went relatively well and no morning sickness just abit of nausea. I found out i was pregnant on 18th september then i started bleeding on the 23rd. I too have wondered what went wrong and have even blamed myself. But being on BB has made me realise that unfortunately these things do happen we don't know why but they do, and sharing your stories on here and receiving support helps you accept that and heals you abit. Hoping you get a BFP very soon and you have a H&H pregnancy,

[munchy]

anna

i am so so sorry to hear of your loss you head must be all over the place i too had a test book pregnancy with my first baby and everything went so smothly and then when i was pregnant second time round it was all going ok untill my 20 wk scan where i was told she had so many things wrong with her and that she would never survive outside my whomb so i had to give birth to her at 23 wks it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do i have been trying to get pregnant for a yr now with no luck and i just dont understand why as i fell regnant so quickly with the other 2. i really hope that you take your time to grieve and dont feel guilty for not crying as much as the first time it happened was probably i great shock to you i am glad to hear your not feeling alone as that is a horrible thing to feel i to felt so alone many of times and felt like my family and friends were there but they never really understood what i was actually going through sending big to you honey and i hope i didnt ramble on to much.

take care Munchy xxx

[AnnaMcG]

Thanks Munchy, and no you didn't ramble on too much. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say something eloquent to make you feel better, but all I can say is I am sending lots of prayers and love to you in your journey to having another baby. And that goes for everyone who has replied to my posts. I send my love, support and lots of hugs.

[munchy]

Anna

thanks for the msg honey alot of people dont know what to say to me but i am ok about it now well as much as i can be i can talk about her without welling up every 5 min i think the concelling has helped me a great deal i understand that i will never forget what happened i will just learn to carry on with life i was told by my concellor i was stuck in the that month that i had her she said its like i wasnt moving forward with anything but i have started to do little things to move forward and i must admit it has made me feel a bit happier again i feel like i am starting to find me again if that makes sence. and i am sorry again if i have rambled once i get going i cant stop but us girls do like to chat dont we. anyway hope you are ok and things are going as well as can be let me know how you getting on.

Munchy xxx

[tempus moriendi]

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses like that--your 18wks and then your more recent one. One of my miscarriages occured just as I was finding out I was pregnant. It's very surreal--but it doesn't stop you from grieving. But just know I'm sending out prayers and cyber-hugs. Even if it is from far away.