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Thread: Alone

  1. #1

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    Apr 2008
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    Default Alone

    I am having a really hard time with me last MC. It has been almost 2 months and I feel very alone. My DF has been great, but it seems like he is over the baby, and I am just not. I have friends who have had MC's, yet still feel very alone. I'm not sure how to make myself feel better. I don't cry and I'm not 'depressed', yet I know that I do not feel like myself. I do have good days where I don't feel quite so bad, but my DF is a Fire Fighter so I am alone alot which makes it hard not to think... Any ideas how to make myself feel good (normal) again??


  2. #2

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    Default

    Hey Loopy,

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I wish I could tell you about a was a magic cure for a broken heart but unfortunately time is they only thing that will help in mending it.

    It is totally normal for you to still be grieving your loss. People deal with it differently. Cry when you need to, yell when you need to. There is no shame in your sadness. Maybe get onto the miscarriage and loss threads and talk about exactly what you are feeling..it may help.

    I don't know if I will ever 'get over' my loss...but I can tell you time makes it easier to deal with.

  3. #3

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    Dec 2005
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    I think you need to go through all those emotions and that they are part of a process. You might never actually 'get over it' but that's ok, you may just come to accept it. Don't rush yourself and put pressure on yourself.
    Perhaps your DF senses that you're still not yourself but feels like he needs to be strong for you. Men are real problem solvers and he might see 'getting on' with things as his way of helping you - that is, if you see that he is strong he might just assume you'll go to him when you need to. Does that make any sense?
    I think keeping busy and having your own interests are really important. they give you a sense of self-worth and purpose, and thats something every woman, especially a grieving one, needs.
    Take care of yourself and plough through it, it'll get easier
    All the best
    xx

  4. #4

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    Hey loopy--It's such a struggle to find yourself after the loss of a child. I knew as soon as I had my m/c that I wouldn't be happy until I was pregnant again. I think in my case that TTC has helped keep my mind occupied and has given me a small reprieve from the craziness that I was feeling inside my own mind. I, too, find myself alone a lot with nothing much to do but think about what could've been. My saving grace are the women here at BB, and I mean that from my heart! Everyday they make me laugh, sometimes they make me cry, but I have found such comfort and support from everyone that I've met here. I think it helps when you surround yourself with people who just KNOW where you're coming from, and they know how to support you because they've survived the same trauma and gut wrenching loss that you have. And you get the opportunity to support other women, as well, which definitely helps take your mind off yourself and your own grief. When you're ready to begin TTC, I would love it if you joined the TTC after M/C thread. I promise you'll feel cared about and supported unconditionally! Hang in there loopy!

  5. #5

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    I will most def. move to the TTC once I'm ready. But I don't know when that will be. I would love to try again soon, but have lost going on and know that it would be better to wait. I really wanted that baby... not just A baby... I hope that I"m makeing since.

    I also had another questions: I didn't know the sex of my baby yet, I felt that it was going to be a boy but my DF believed that it was going to be a girl. I had names picked out for both sexes... I still like the names that i picked out however, I feel that they are not used. I guess my question is, should i pick new names for my future children or would it be ok to use the names that I already had picked out??

  6. #6

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    loopy--It makes complete sense, and I completely understand. Every woman is ready at different times, and you'll know when that perfect time is for you!

    I think the decision with the names is completely your own. I saw one woman on here that incorporated the names of her two into the name of her DS. My thought on it was that it's an honor no matter what--and it's no different than people that name their child after their mother or grandmother, etc.. You'll know that, too, when the time is right and your looking at your beautiful baby--you'll know what his/her name should be. Good luck whenever you're ready!

  7. #7

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    Thanks... I never looked at it that way.

  8. #8

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    Hey loopy girl, just thinking of you and hoping you're hanging in there and things are getting a little easier for you! Take care!

  9. #9

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    I have been pretty busy this week, so it's been better... I am alone tonight, but the bad weather kept me on my toes... thank you for checking on me... Would you mind if we spoke through E-mail?? I don't know if they have private mail on here...

  10. #10

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    loopy girl--I tried to send you a private message so that I could give you my e-mail address. It said that you chose to not receive private messages. Is there a way you can change that in your profile or something? I don't think I'm allowed to put it in a post, though. Let me know if you can figure it out. Or maybe you can send me a private message with your e-mail address. I'm game as long as we can figure this out!

  11. #11

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    Apr 2008
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    Oklahoma
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    I sent you a message... i think I posted a visitor message... it has my personal e-mail

  12. #12

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    Oh, sweet, I got it. Ok, I'll send you an e-mail, just give me a sec....

  13. #13

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    Did you get my e-mail?

  14. #14

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    Oct 2007
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    loopygirl - my heart goes out to you. It truly is an awful experience and I wish no-one had to go through the loss of a pregnancy or child. It's been 18months since my first m/c and I still cry every now and again, although I have learnt to live with it the pain is always there.

    I found changing my routine helped a little, I stared shopping at a different supermarket, I got rid of all of the clothes that reminded me of when i was once pregnant. Sounds drastic and I in no way have 'shut out' the memories - I just felt like I needed a fresh start and those things helped. My Dh is a shift worker so I am often home alone for days at a time, at first it was really hard but I started doing things on those nights like booking in for a facial then I would come home and light some candles and have a nice bath (& pretend I'm somewhere far away & exotic). DH and I have been lucky we've had a few o/s trips too which has been nice. I spoilt myself and bought a few box sets of my fav old tv shows (like Cold Feet) and I watch them when I'm on my own.

    DH and I are still really keen for a bub and are ttc at the moment. It's a tough road and I know when I fall pg again I will worry, I'll worry even when they are 21!

    Men handle things differently, i got really upset with my DH at one stage because I felt like I was the only person who was missing our bub but we had a good talk (after I threw a giant tantrum) and I know it does affect him as deep - he just has different ways of dealing with it and showing his grief.

    The girls in here are great too - you'll find lots of support.

    Sending you a huge

  15. #15

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    Hey loopy--Just heading off to bed, hope you got my e-mail. Just wanted to send you a . Sorry about today I hope it wasn't too rough for you. I'm 4 days after you, so it will be 2 mo's for me on Sun. Maybe it would help to light a candle and say a prayer? You're in my prayers. Oh, and let me know if you ever got my e-mail!

  16. #16

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    Oklahoma
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    My DF just got home... sorry I had to make him dinner. But, yes I did get your E-mail and wrote you back... Thanks! I will be praying for you, espically on Sunday.

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