Danek It is so so hard seeing other pg people and babies even when they aren't close to you. It took me months to get out of the house after we lost Cooper. Even when I did, the first few times I went to the shops I walked straight back out in tears because all I saw was prams, babies and pg women - they were everywhere! You need to put yourself and your emotions first. It was a very brave and strong thing to do to see your friend who had a baby around the same time you lost Alex. Looking at your friend, she is holding what you should be holding, she has all the hopes and dreams to look forward to when you don't. If she is an understanding friend she will support you and know that it will be hard for you to be around her and her baby. Don't push yourself to do things or do things because others think you should. You are still in the very raw stages of grieving so be gentle with yourself.

You will continue to question, why you? And why does she have her baby and you don't? It is so normal to ask all these questions, the hardest part is knowing that you will never get answers.........but I still ask these questions.

I didn't see babies for a very long time, the first time is always the hardest. Time does heal pain but it will never go away because as your friend watches her baby grow you will watch it grow too but will never have the chance to watch Alex grow............that is the hardest. Whenever I see babies the same age as Cooper I always wonder what he would look like, what he would be doing and it still hurts so deep inside.

I don't think that I'll ever be able to return to my original self but I guess its going to be a long road before I find out who the new me actually is. Does that make sense?
You will never be the person you used to be...........you are now a grieving mother who will always have a baby in her heart and dreams but not in her arms. Surround yourself with people who understand that and can support the new you. You are exactly right, it is a long road and it may take time to find the new you...........some days I still think I am finding the new me.

Don't push yourself to 'get better', just take one step, one day at a time and you will know when you are ready to do things