A bit of advice please

[Roudysmum]

My best friend lost her baby yesterday, she was 12wks.
She was flowen to hospital as we live in the country, can someone please explain the procedure she had done last night as i want to support her and try to understand but i dont want to interigate her on what happened if she isnt ready to talk about. i think she had a d&c but i dont know what this means.
Thank you

[feeb]

ohh so sorry to hear about your friend.

A d and C is a dilation and currette, so they dilate the cervix and suction out contents of the uterus.

[smiles4u]

So very saddened to hear about your friends loss.

Sorry I'm of no help in regards to any medical info BUT I wanted to say what a beautiful friend you are to go to such lengths to try and understand the actual events of the procedure as NOT all friends would go to such great effort in finding out.

I had a friend a few years ago who had loss her 1st bub at almost 9mths pregnant ... I just wrapped my arms around her, told her how much I loved her & reassured her that I was there to support at any given time, day & night ... AND that was all she truely wanted & needed from me (as she told me later on).

How lucky your friend is to have you in her life & especially now !!

[MsPink]

Hi Roudysmum,

D & C stands for dialation and currette. Basically they vacuum out the dead fetus and placenta. Often, if the baby dies earlier, doctors will let patients have the choice of miscarrying spontaneously (the body does this when its ready) or to have a d & c.
I also went thru this at 12 weeks. Your friend may have some cramping - like bad AF, and will have bleeding for several days.
She's going to be really sad and it will take sometime for her to come to terms with it all. I guess just let her know you are there for her every step of the way, whether its something she needs, or wants to talk about it.
Don't avoid the topic all together as she will need / want to talk about it. I hope she's doing ok..

[Lissie]

How very very sad for your friend and how lovely of you to be so concerned. D&C has already been explained so i won't go into it. Just be there for her, hold her, let her talk, acknowledge her baby- but most of all just let her cry - she will do alot of that. Maybe in a week or so take something like a tree that she can plant in memory of her little angel baby. Miscarriage is something alot of people do not want to talk about, just let her share her feelings with you - you are a good friend.

[Roudysmum]

Thank you everyone for you help, She had bad cramping yesterday at 4am and was bleeding heavely, the doc could see the placenta at our local hospital and they removed it there, she had the D&C last night and her husband told me today that she had to have a blood transfusion because she had lost so much. Im really feeling for her.
The tree idea is a great one and i will definatly do that, would it be weird to give her a little plaque to go with it or would that hurt her to much

[briggsy's girl]

i would probably avoid a plaque - but perhaps look in the poems for m/c and loss and see if something jumps out at you - put it in a card or something

i think, for me, as much as i know certain roses are planted for my angel babies, i don't think a plaque would be easy to deal with... if she wants to do it later, that's fine, but i think if you gave it to her, she may feel obliged to put it out even if she's not ready (if that makes sense) - with a poem, you can put it in a blank card and sign it "thinking of you" - without havng to outline why...