Just miscarried on 35th birthday

[tcam]

Hello, I am new to the site.

We lost our baby on a week ago Sunday (10/28) while coming back from vacation (our "Babymoon"). I had just started my 13th week. The baby died at 9 weeks. They recommended a D&C. The doctor said it could take weeks to happen naturally and that some woman have incomplete miscarriages and need a D&C anyway. I didn't think I could emotionally handle the waiting. So I did the D&C. It has been a week and I am still very sad, but I think I did the right thing for me. I don't know if it would be the right thing for everyone. My husband is upset because we don't know if it was a boy or a girl and because we didn't get to see or bury our baby (to us it was our baby, even though it didn't make it very far).

I had a rough first trimester throwing up, etc. It is hard because everyone tells you that is a good sign and you won't miscarry. We also thought we were in good shape because we were just past 12 weeks.

I don't understand why my body went a month carrying a dead baby. I only knew there was a problem because I had light spotting on Sunday. We had our first ultrasound in the emergency room and I knew immediately from the tech's face the news was bad. I was suppose to have my first ultrasound that next day (Monday).

I also don't understand why my OB was waiting so long to do an ultrasound or heartbeat. I knew I was pregnant the week before my missed period (4 weeks). We didn't get our first OB appointment until 8 weeks and they only took blood and discussed finances. They did not do an ultrasound or doppler or an exam of any kind. This kind of ****es me off because maybe we would have known then something was wrong insted of going the extra month. It probably wouldn't be any easier, but right now it feels like it would be.

I am worried I might have missed my chance to have a baby because this was my first pregnancy and because now I am over 35. I don't think I did anything "wrong", but find myself worrying that taking a warm baths or something I ate, or an infection I didn't know I had might have caused this.

Thanks for listening.

Tara

[Jodie259]

Tara... I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I don't think many obs do u/s earlier then 12 weeks... and if your ob did one at 8 weeks, it may have shown a perfectly healthy baby.

Try not to worry about your age and chances of conceiving. I had my first child at 37, and 9 months later I conceived again at 39yo. And after 20 years of having sex and never getting pregnant - I thought I would have a really hard time conceiving. But I didn't.

And I am sure you did nothing wrong. Even at my age - I'm considered "high risk"... yet I would take warm baths, and eat everything they say you 'shouldn't'. And I'm not lying - but with both pregnancies I was hospitalised with food poisoning! (dodgy kebab the first time).

I'm not much of a 'spiritual' person myself... but when it comes to miscarriage - I tend to think there is a 'higher' reason for it happening. Like the baby was just not strong enough to enter the world.

And it really sucks that this happened on your birthday.

Tara... I hope that you get through this, and in the future you will be blessed with beautiful children. Please don't blame yourself. I don't think anyone (not even the medical field) could really prevent it happening.

[krisp]

Tara, I'm so sorry to hear of your angel baby.

Please don't be discouraged there are lots of us "older" Mums here on BB. I will be almost 37 when my DD is born and she was conceived first cycle so don't let age even come into it, you are still young!

Take care.

[satya]

I'm sorry for your loss. You haven't missed your only chance for a baby. I've conceived three times this year and I'm 41. Unless there's a sign of a problem most people don't get ultrasounds til around 11 or 12 weeks, and had you had one it may not have shown a problem. Unfortunately miscarriage is something that just happens (and the chances of this happening over 35 are increased) and most of us never find out why it happened. Good luck for the future.

[Liviam]

I am so sorry for the loss of your angel and it is more than okay to call your angel your baby because it is your baby from the second you know you are pregnant. Take the time to grieve and please be kind to yourself during this terrible time. We are always here to listen and help as much as we can.

[bettyboop]

Just wanted to let you know how sorry i am for your loss, i lost my little angle last week and it is hard not knowing if the baby was a boy or girl. crying is good , let it all out. You are not to old. Sending you a big hug and take care.

[belfie]

Tara, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.. and on your birthday no less.

My story is similar (as you've seen)... but i had the heartbeat on my 34th birthday... but not destined to last.

I also wanted to say that i've been asking about infections and stuff (i.e. listeria) and from what i understand, it's incredibly rare these days and usually only impacts pregnancies later on (if at all)... I was told I could have the test if I wanted, but it was highly unlikely. Check with your doc if you want to follow it up. After all, it's about what matters to you.

I agree on the throwing up stuff... everyone thinks it's such a good sign, and I also had it. It makes me feel kinda ripped off to have suffered through that and have it come to naught. ANd then you have the D&C and then what do you do for closure? Recovery ward doesn't seem to quite cut it.

I'm sending you huge hugs and thoughts... I was thinking about you today at work... so just remember, there's a hug with you always, and I hope you spoil yourself and look after yourself. I know it won't take away the pain... but ... my thoughts are with you.

[STARRYSKY]

tara,
I am so sorry to read of your loss, I had a similar experience, finding out at 9 wks the baby had died at 4-5, not easy is it?
I wish i had the words to make you feel better, so I will send you big hugs instead.
xxx