Cheated

[Teaching Mum]

The words of the doctors still echo in my head, "there is no medical reason as to why this Ectopic Pregnancy occured." Mind you, people are hinting that, since this is baby number 3 and you already have a beautiful boy and girl, well, perhaps this is now the time to stop.

The internal bleeding started at my Year 11's Presentation Ball, mid-cycle bleeding they said. The irony was, I didnt know I was pregnant until they had to perform an emergency operation 48 hours later, as the tube had ruptured and pelvic bleeding was occuring.

No one said anything about 'pathology' or pulling my baby to pieces to 'examine' for causes. No one told me what the hospital will do with the remains, how they 'thoughtfully dispose' of the 'remains'.

What happens when there is nothing to blame? When your ovaries are ok, and your tubes were free of clots, and you didnt have an STI. What, do you get angry at?

Thanks for taking the time to listen to me vent. I do appreciate it. One who teaches our youth to find the answers, this one doesnt have one.

Kindest regards

Teaching Mum

[STARRYSKY]

so sorry for your loss, i had a missed m/c and its hard hearing that 'its just one of those things'
there is nothing wrong with being angry at the way things work out, nothing i say will ease your pain but sending you big hugs.
ps i have wondered about what happened after, i dont know if there are answers........
xx00

[Mrs Jak]

So sorry to hear of your loss.

How awful for people to hint that maybe you should stop because you already have 2 children!

Some people!

All the best to you and your family.

[Teaching Mum]

I am sorry if I do come across as angry or even bitter. I feel disillusioned and hurt. Even though I have my two wonderful children, my arms still yearns to hold Jasper. Jasper was planned and our family would have been complete. DH says that he cannot go through it again or even attempt to risk it. Even though technically I can have children, the risks associated are high. I am feeling confused at the moment and I sometimes wonder if I am in a bizzare dream and this is not the life that I am living!

[Mrs Jak]

No need to apologise for how you feel.

The pain is no less, no matter how many children you have or not.

Is it considered more of a 'risk' to ttc after you have an ectopic pg?

[westy]

Hi Teaching Mum,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Wishing you and your DH all the best....and i hope one day you will have a little baby safely in your arms.

[ElleJay]

I'm so sorry for the loss It's hard, I know it is. I'm wishing you all the best

[Leila]

Sorry to hear of your loss. Dont listen to people who tell you you should stop cause you have 2 children, my thoughts are with you and your dh at this sad time.

[Teaching Mum]

No need to apologise for how you feel.

The pain is no less, no matter how many children you have or not.

Is it considered more of a 'risk' to ttc after you have an ectopic pg?

Because I lost a tube, the success rate in TTC is '40% and above'. However, if you have had a previous Ectopic, the risks of having another one, is increased. So even though, we have been given the 'all clear', in that we can have another child, - its with a high risk of Ectopic pregnanies re-occuring and minus 1 tube which decreases fertility etc. Above all, there was no reason for this to occur to begin with,, no PCOS or STI etc to make me feel better. So in a sense, I also feel betrayed by my body.

[Auntie M]

Teaching Mum- i am so sorry for your loss. and i think it is perfectly normal for you to be angry and bitter and sad and all sorts of other things too. let yourself live through those feelings, and then you will be ready to figure out your future. hugs to you, xxoom

[castle]

Hi Teaching Mum,
I am very sorry to hear of your baby's death.
Ectopic pregnancies do sometimes just "happen". The fact that you have no underlying causes, especially no history of infection, makes it much less likely that another ectopic would occur. Generally reoccurence is because both tubes have been affected by infection and/or scarring--for example, if the tube had been repaired then you would have had a greater risk of an ectopic on that side.
I know that this is a decision for you and your dh to make, but keep in mind that there are always risks for everything.
Your bitterness now is normal. Just let yourself feel whatever bubbles up. This is how we work through grief, and very painful it is. Over time, although you will never forget Jasper, the pain will become easier to bear. I know it is very difficult to go through now. You will get lots of support here at BB. HUGS.