hi, I'm new to BB.. I just want 2 share my story with some people who might actually understand. I lost my baby 4 weeks and 3 days ago. its amazing how insenstive people are.. you aleady have kids.. you can try again.. wasn't meant 2 be.. blah blah blah!
So yes, I have 2 children already to my ex, violent, husband. I am engaged to be married again, & up until 4 weeks ago I was on cloud 9, soon to be married to the most wonderful man in the world.
My Fiance & I were not trying for a baby. We had decided to wait till our honeymoon & try then. I was taking the pill.. but had been taking antibiotics for a couple of months & totally forgot that it affected my pill. The day we lost our baby was probably the worst day of my life. We were n the city (an hour and a half from home) with some of his friends. My fiance had gotten drunk & flipped out.. TOTALLY out of character for him!!! He left me in the city by myself! and went off with his friends, leaving me with no money, phone or any way to get back to where we were staying. & then it happened, in the middle of a very public place I started bleeding brown goo :'(. i knew right away what was happening. I tried calling my fiance from the concierge but he didnt listen to what I was saying, just ranted on about something else. in the end a guy felt sorry for me and gave me $10 to get a cab. I got as far as I could then walked the rest of the way. I'm sure you can picture what I looked like by this stage ad was very thankful it was late & I didn't see anybody.
Back in our room I was in alot of pain physically & emotionally. I rang my fiance a million times but he wouldnt answer. In the end I just wanted to go home. So I drove myself, after no sleep, in agony, all the way back home at 3:30am. I tried to sleep whe I got home but just couldn't. I tried ringing my fiance and eventually he answed, still out of it he refused to come home, even though he knew what was happening! in the end, when he sobered up he came back. They were the worst few hours of my life, not only had I lost our precious baby but my fiance was acting in a way I didn't know was possible.
Since then we have been to counselling.. and i now understand (but dont condone) why he acted the way he did that night. I forgive him, but it will take time to trust him again.
I still think of my baby every single day. I didn't leave the house for a week and a half and I still am not all that keen on it. I am really struggling now because i have been expecting my period and its not shown. have had horrible cramps almost all month, which i've read is normal. we used no protection all month but i've done a HPT and it was BFN. The thing is, now I've lost my baby all I can think about is how much I wish I was pregnant.. my fiance doesnt get it & doesn't want to try yet which is also so hard.
I just cant stop thinking that my baby is gone. it tears me apart & now, as inconvenient as it could be, all I want is another baby
sorry for rambling on. thanks for letting me share x
hi. i just wanted to welcome you to BB, im sorry its under such sad circumstances! Im so sorry for the loss of your little baby!! Big hugs to you! there are many wonderfull ladies here who will give you amazing support. there are special threads for ttc after loss so have a look around and im sure you will find some great girls to chat to who have bee/are going through the same stuff!!!!
So sorry for the loss of your baby . After my loss I too just wanted to be pregnant again, it's hard. I hope you find comfort and support here on BB and the strength to get through.
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