Fear of trying again after miscarriage

[Vixibell]

Sorry if I'm posting this here - I'm really at a loss of where to post on this forum now given my circumstances. I looked on the thread to deal with losses, and it only spoke of late losses. I'm not in that category. I just need to vent how I'm feeling and see if anyone can empathise with me - I'm feeling pretty alone right now.

Possible TMI here - a bit graphic. Please STOP READING if this might offend or upset you.

Last Monday at a dating scan we learnt that our baby had no heartbeat. It was measuring 7 weeks and 2 days. The whole scan experience was traumatic enough (we went from being told it looked like twins and we should be really excited, to 'uh-oh - there's only one and it's not got a heartbeat.') but going through a natural MC has been horrendous. I understand from researching that people's experiences of these are very different, but mine has been agony and yesterday I actually passed the entire sac. The sensation of the hour or so before and when it actually happened will haunt me forever. I cannot believe there is no help out there to prepare ladies for what they can go through. I begged my doctor for advice and help when we ;learnt that I'd need to go through a natural MC and he basically told me I was letting my emotions run away with me in thinking it would be anything more than a normal heavy period. I was scolded; like a child! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! It was nothing like that - from talking to my sister in law, she likened the way I spoke of the pain to different parts of labour. She too was shocked at what I had to go through. Thankfully my DH was here with me and helped clean me up and looked after me afterwards. If he hadn't been here, I'd more than likely ended up in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor for hours afterwards. I was in total shock.

Anyway, I came on here to look at people's views of trying again because I'm at a total loss. I want to try again asap, but I'm also terrified in case I go through this again. I'm also scared that my body might not be 100% ready. By this I mean, I've been told to wait to stop bleeding them I'm good to go. Is that right? Understandably - I'm not massively favouring what my Dr. has to say right now. I've read somewhere about needing a scan after a natural MC to make sure all has gone and back to how it should be, is that something I should be asking for? my DH and I have been TTC for a long time and were looking to get support to conceive just as we found out we were pregnant. I'm terrified to start trying again when there could be a reason it won't work left within me and to have more disappointment. I hope I'm making sense - I feel like I'm losing the plot a bit at the moment! Sorry!

If anyone has any advice at all, I'd really appreciate it. Sorry for my waffle x

[AlligatorsMum]

Hi vixibell - I'm sorry you experienced such a horrible thing. I can only share my experience to give you some more information.

I've had to miscarriages, my first was a missed m/c at 8wks measuring 6aks and I had a d&c due to the fact it had been two weeks already and my doc was concerned about infection. I had conceived naturally but had very long cycles. He reviewed me six weeks later and I still hadn't had a period so we commenced clomid to try and regulate my cycles. I fell preg on the 2nd cycle and had DS in jan 2012.

We then started trying to concieve in feb 2013 with clomid and I had a 'natural miscarriage' at 6.5wks. On the scan (when bleeding and cramping started) Obgyn said it looked like a standard miscRriage and to start TTC again as soon as the "period" had stopped. However I ended up wth some retained product which I realised 8 weeks later as I still hadn't had a period and was still gettin positive HPT. (An internal showed a small amount of retained product) I had to take a couple of doses of misoprostol to cause another "natural miscarriage". I conceived my current pregnancy straight after this and am due in 3 weeks. I will say tho that I was lucky , my naturally miscarriage was exactly like a period. Nothin more or worse in bleeding and pain , but could have been because not all miscarried?

In all honesty, the d&c for me was my preferred "choice" of m/c as it was easier and I was able to move on quicker. I didn't wat to have to wait around for things to happen and in the instance when it did occur naturally it still took nearly 9-10weeks for it to be completely over. Everyone is different tho.

I hope it isn't something you ever have to experience again tho and you to on to very soon have a happy healthy nine month pregnancy. Oh and we never got told to wait. My doc was always fine with the get cracking straight away approach lol. I didn't want to wait - I wanted a baby and I wanted ASAP - I didn't want to delay it anymore than the miscarriages did.

Good luck hun