Nessie I'm so sorry about little Daniel. If you're not ready to go to your friend's shower, don't go. You could call her and explain why, or if that's too much yet, you could get someone to pick up a gift on your behalf and write a little note and have someone else drop it in.

If they're your friends, I'm sure they will understand if you're not up to going.

When I had my son he was very, very ill in hospital for 3 months. I had a very good friend who delivered her bub at 19 weeks in the same hospital at the same time. She did not visit me even though she saw me through the Intensive Care window... (she told me later). And you know what? I didn't mind one bit. Even though I was going through a tough time, I knew she was going through worse, and I didn't want to add to that one little bit by making her endure me and my baby at that stage of her grief. I'm glad she chose to be gentle with herself.

Big for you and your DH as you mourn the loss of Daniel.