BW - I have only just found this thread as I haven't been on much lately myself. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry, and from reading all the responses from the rest of the bb community, I'm sure you know how much we all care about you, and are thinking of you. Noone deserves to experience this loss. I know saying this to you, doesn't make anything better or easier to understand.
Not knowing where you fit in anymore on here is something I understand, because sometimes we just fall into too many categories. But saying this, bb was always here for me when I wanted to put my thoughts into words in front of me, especially when DH was at work and I didn't feel I could turn to anyone else.
Suddenly you find a million and one things that you think could have contributed to your loss, and blame yourself, but I discovered that deep down I knew that wasn't true, but the what ifs still surface.
I look forward to hearing how your future appts go with David and Dr S. Every day I wonder which direction I should be heading in, to find the answers and a conclusive solution. I am heading down to Melbourne next weekend for the POSAA conference, in the hope that something new (that I have perhaps missed) will be said will lead me in the right direction. I've also started acupunture recently and I have been considering Dr S - however I have also heard that my current ob/gyn Dr Matthias is the next best thing to Dr S - so I can't be far off the mark. I'm just sick of treading water, and going round in circles - I want a definitive answer/solution - and I agree with Flowerchild, we shouldn't stop until we are happy within ourselves with our answers, because ultimately it's our body, and we know it best.
Do write down everything you can think to ask, because you will forget (even the most obvious questions) - I'm lucky my DH went with me to the follow up appts and grilled my dr. Plus my DH had his own questions to ask, which I didn't even consider (I can be very self-involved sometimes ).
Sorry to be rambling on. I hope your weekend is replenishing for you and you have that inner power to go back to school on monday and show them how strong you are.
Around Thursday of last week I got sick of the constant stress headaches and not sleeping so I increased the dosage of my anti-depressants, which I actually take for anxiety issues.
I'm now sleeping properly (or better at least) and no longer have constant headaches that have me taking panadeine constantly through the day and stronger meds (digesic or night strength mersyndol) at night. I can function effectively in my job now.
However, the increased dosage has also had the effect of medicating the crap out of my emotions, and I'm finding that I'm really only dealing with the loss on an intellectual level. I can talk about it without crying, but I now feel detached. I feel rather detached from everything.
Do you think increasing the dosage was the right thing to do? Am I just avoiding the issues that I'll need to face by hiding behind my medication?
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