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Sorry to hear that you have to deal with some insensitivity and unexpected gossip version 1st day back at work , but at least you have now put all that behind you, its always hard to deal with 1st day back and now you've done it! I hope it will get easier from here ...have an early night to rest, you deserve it!
GRRRRR at the bloody gosspis! It sounds like you were extremely composed BW - i'd have slugged him!
:hug: and love. HOpe today is easier.
Love
Bx
BeiBei, you're right, the first day is behind me, and that was always going to be the worst.
I'm still really bugged that people know who shouldn't, and know more of my private life than I want them to - I'm still trying to figure out who I should complain to about that, though. It's bugging me too much to be able to let it go and say nothing.
I sometimes find myself in a weird state where I wonder if I ever really was pregnant. And then I feel guilty because I feel like I'm forgetting the Caterpillar already.
I'm frustrated with the lack of answers, the week between here and my next appointment... and the fact that part of me wants to try again, while another part is absolutely terrified of ever doing so.
I think there's just so much to process after being at work for the day, my mind is a complete jumble... DH had better prepare himself for a late night listening to me tonight!
BW
BW, I hop e things are going ok for you today and that the transition back to work after being away is going ok. My heart breaks for you everytime I read about your struggles - I can't imagine how you are feeling. Your appt with Dr S is not so long away now - I hope you get the answers you are seeking. In the end, you did the best you could with the knowledge you had, and nobody can ever do more than that. God is with you and it's OK to be angry at Him as well - His shoulders are big enough to take it. Maybe we will understand in time why He does the things he does, and maybe not, but in the end there has to be some comfort in the fact that He is on control - because we certainly aren't!!!!! I hope and pray that your days continue to get better and that the insensitive and rude questions at work will stop. You are loved by many people, so take comfort in that and take the slow painful steps to recovery that you need. :hug:
I don't think today could have sucked less if it tried...
My first day back at school the kids were out of uniform, second day was school photos. They were always going to be hard days and I knew I'd struggle...
However I did not expect to hear things along the lines of "are you really sure you should be here?" Especially not when that's followed by "you know you're nearly out of sick days, don't you?". I can understand "you're not doing the best thing by your students if you're not ready to be here"...
But the one thing that really got to me, and has me feeling like a worthless, defective human that needs to be scrapped was "we think the stress of teaching contributed to you losing the baby, perhaps you should take a leave of absence".
I haven't stopped crying since... DH isn't home, and I don't think there's enough chocolate in the world to deal with the way I've been made to feel. Bad enough that I have to deal with the emotional aspect of not being able to get pregnant. Even worse that I have to deal with losing a very much wanted and loved baby. Now I'm being made to feel that not only can I not get pregnant or keep a baby alive, but because of all this I can't do my job!
How do you deal with the fact that your place of employment doesn't want you? How do you deal with the fact that the only way we can afford IVF is for both of us to be working? I feel so worthless, defective, faulty... like I belong on the scrap heap.
I'm not sure whether to throw and smash things or sit here and cry... either way, it doesn't do the migraine-type headache I woke up with any good.
BW
BW, im so sorry for your loss and everything that you are going through now. Wow, i cant believe people at your work said that to you....especially your work contributing to your miscarriage and having a leave of absence!! Like wtf! That is such an unsupportive thing to say. I can understand the choc attack, i hope DH will be home for you soon. Im almost in tears for you. My work place hasnt been over supportive- ie as in gossipers etc.. but my boss has always said take all the time you want. Doing ivf is such a big part of our lives, i just cant believe someone would say that to you right now, if ever. God, what did you say to them? I think you need to talk to someone maybe at your work, or was it your boss that said that to you?? I hope you feel a little better soon. You are not worthless, never feel like that. mel
BW - i read your post when it first came up - and had to walk away from my computer as tears of anger were streaming down my face. i can't believe how insensitive your work place is being about this - i seriously can't fathom how it has gotten to this point that people are making these comments. it keeps running through my head that, if they know that work is stressful for you, why aren't they making changes to help you - why aren't they doing everything in their power to eliminate the stress in this environment? it's just disgusting behaviour from the people in management that firstly, your privacy has been breached by telling others of your situation, and secondly, that they are trying to get you to take time out to make life easier for them. If and when you choose to take a leave of ansence following your next transfer, it's something YOU and your husband need to decide upon without pressure from anyone else. and it needs to be a leave of absence on your terms, not theirs. the comments you've received are downright rude and hurtful and the people making them need to take a good long look at themselves
i wish there was something else i could say or do to make life easier for you at the moment BW - there is nothing i can say that will change what has happened - i just want to send you massive hugs hun - take care
OMG how insensitive they are, I cannot believe they can say that. Also what century are they living in thinking that was the cause of the m/c and how rude too. I am just stunned that so many unfeeling and rude people can work at "that" type of school too.
Hugs to you, can't think of anything else to say I am so angry.
BW, I just found this thread and wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss. There are tears in my eyes right now, especially after reading about some of the insensitive comments you have had to suffer since.
Take special care of yourself at this delicate time. I am thinking of you. :hugs:
I've been wondering If I'm being over-sensitive... I've been wondering if I've reached the point where I just have to "get over it" and get on with life. Reading the comments so far tells me that I'm not. Especially when you consider this in light of the absolutely disgusting way I was treated last year.
I also don't see where they can get off telling me that stress contributed to the miscarriage when it happened at the end of a three-week break and I was not at all concerned about going back - I was actually excited, eager to be back, and trying to think of ways to break the news of the pregnancy to the kids...
I really don't know what to do, though. I can't see us being able to afford IVF if we don't have both wages, especially as mine is the greater... so in the end, if I stop work, it kind of defeats the purpose of doing so.
I also can't see how me leaving at this point is in any way fair to my year 12 students (one thing they threw at me today - me having been off for a week wasn't fair to them) who are already stressed enough right now!
I have a really, really bad headache (too many tears, again), and I just want DH to be home! I can't decide what to do, and I'm in no state to make a decision any time soon. Maybe if we can get some answers at our appointment next week it will be an easier decision to make.
BW
BW ive been following your sad journey, but have been unable to find the 'right' words to post.
I just wanted to come in here and offer you the biggest of cyber hugs i can muster up.
I really dont know what else to say......
Please take care of yourself and i hope you get the answers you need at your next app.
Yr12's are teenagers, we remember what it was like back then and only realise now how horrible we were without realising it.
As for the fellow staff members, pfewey to them, they dont deserve you. You are doing whats right for you atm, if thats being back at work then so be it, the should back you 100% without the comments.
Tell me where you are and i'll come teach them a lesson!!!
BIG BIG BIG hugs
BW, I am sorry that the work situation doesn't seem to be improving, it seems those comments are quite hurtful and insensitive...are they coming from your students or your colleague or management? If they are from the students, like you said, they are quite stressed right now, so maybe don't take it too hard, they are teenagers ...and stressed teenagers, they think they know everything but they really don't ...however if they are coming from the management, I think you should definately need to straight things up...although I don't know exactly how...
But one thing I do know is "Don't make the decision right now"! Sometimes work gets me as well, it feels like a huge big brick on my chest and I feel I am overwhelmed, but I am trying to tell myself that I am not going to make any decision now because I am so upset or angry or stressed...wait the feeling pass or give it a couple of days to think it over, then you will know you are not making an emotional decision, especially considering the cost involved in IVF (unfortunately we do live in a material world, how I wish we can just walk away with all these and tell them 'sorry you are not good enough for my hobby)...
Have a chat with DH tonight, get all your feelings out, talk it through and think it overnight, see if you still feel the same tomorrow morning...no one is rushing you to make decision...if they say those things trying to make you feel worthless, myabe what you can do is just the opposite -- ' Not letting them to" :lol:
The kids that are in year 12 will cope without you, those that will be successful no matter where. and this is no reflection on you at all. Its just a matter of reality. Its a fact of life. There are situtations which just happen and change is envitable
Some of our kids have had messy year, a teacher took long service and went overseas to see her family for 5 weeks, got back for a week adn then had to go again for another week as there was a death in the family. How unfair on your work place to say that.I have been questioned before about using up my sickdays!! I just get sick during winter and I catch every single sniffly thing at the drop of a hat. I think DH is the only one building a better immune system.
You need to work out what is best for you, and I know you still need some time to do this.
Would you consider maybe even reducing your time so working 3 days a week or something to help you. That way you still have some money coming in. If you went such a good numbers person I would suggest a financial planner! teheh.
Keep yourself as number 1!
mWAh
Summer's part time idea sounds good. Would they let you do 3 days a week?
Oh BW, :hugs: How awful they've been :(
I am so mad i am spitting feathers here! Do they feel, as teachers with no expertise, they know more about how miscarriages are caused than your FS?!? To say thinks like that to you, now of all times, when you need kindness and support, is just despicable.
I wouldn't decide ANYTHING right now. I'd wait until DH gets in, cry, talk, hug, allow yourself to get through this extra pain they've needlessly inflicted. Then sleep on it and see how you feel at the weekend say. If another person says a single word to you give them hell, tell them EXACTLY what you think of their "advice" and of your privacy having been breached and of the whole shoddy deal. I wish i could be there to do that for you, i know how hard it is when you don't want to break down and just getting through the day is tough enough.
Money is a worry but remember through all of this that your job, DH's job, are there to provide the cash you need to do what you want in life. If they start costing more than the money is "worth" then you get out of there! There are other jobs, there are 1001 ways to make money. Having to go into a place where people treat you appallingly and grind away at you until you're desperately unhappy SHOULD NOT be one of them. YOU and DH are the important numbers in this equation (yeah i went there with the maths! :)) not your job or the idiots that work there.
:hug: BW, take care hun.
Bec
The comments all came from a member of the executive staff - management, essentially. He's trying to pin the blame for the gossip on my friends in my staff area, however I know for a fact that they would say nothing! I suspect it may have been a certain person familiar to us both, mrsmac, who managed to put things together and that's where it spread from... I have learned my lesson now! :redface:
It takes a lot to get DH angry, but he was ready to grab the phone and give this person a piece of his mind... I love my DH!
Part time is certainly an option - I wouldn't even care if I still had to go in every day, just that I can spend less time there. I don't think stopping work completely is in my best interest - I think the depression would get the best of me if I did. Right now I need a reason to get out of bed and face each day, and while work isn't exactly the best reason, it's the only one I have right now.
Two digesic have sort of sent the headache back to a more manageable level... I'm certainly feeling much calmer after getting it out and cuddling with DH for a bit.
BW
BW, I'm so mad at your school! Can we send some of our terrorists over to bomb it? I work for the NHS, should be able to find some quite quickly. Then again, every time I send you a present something in your life goes wrong so I best never send you nything again as I'm cursed!
Ryn i'd send some scottish ones but they forget to put the bombs in the car....doh!
Glad a snuggle with DH has helped BW. I'm also glad he was mad as hell - living my rage vicariously through your husband...
:hug:
B
DH actually got his phone out and started looking through his numbers... I'm glad the appropriate number is only in my phone - things would certainly have been interesting at work tomorrow if he had done anything. I'm a little furious now too, I have enough troubles trying not to blame myself, where the hell does a teacher get off trying to play doctor and telling me why I lost my baby?!?!
Last year one of the other teachers at the school was going through IVF and had several miscarriages... eventually she decided to take a leave of absence for this year, was put on bed rest and is now substantially through a pregnancy that is actually working. I think the person in question is sitting there thinking that what happened for her is happening to me. Bed rest isn't going to stop an immune response. Bed rest isn't going to change the outcome if the baby has a chromosomal problem. Bed rest may help an incompetent cervix, but it appears that my body has more of a problem letting go than holding on.
This is certainly getting me fired up to fight... there's no way in hell I'm going to calmly walk away and take leave without pay! I may use the majority of my full pay sick days each year, but there's a whole bunch of half pay sick days accumulated, and I'll be using every single one of them before I quietly walk away! If that school is going to keep trying to screw me over, I'm going to get everything I can out of them first!
I'm starting to wonder if he was actually trying to provoke me a bit... he'd have seen that sort of thing in me before - to pull me out of depression, give me something to fight against. I'm just not sure now whether I'm fighting the school, or fighting infertility.
BW
I wondered that too BW but i didn't know how well he knew you... You don't need to fight the school - on moral grounds you've already won. You're a bloody champion, don't forget it (those tassle geriatrics are still here you know, don't MAKE me get them out ;)).:
I'm starting to wonder if he was actually trying to provoke me a bit... he'd have seen that sort of thing in me before - to pull me out of depression, give me something to fight against.
As for infertility - you can get PG, you CAN do it. You MIGHT have a problem with your immune response and if you do, that will be overcome too.
I don't know who you should fight BW, but if i were the school or the infertility i'd be high-tailing it to the hills - i would NOT want to mess with BW, or team BW. :)
lovins
Bx
I am so unbelievably angry at what I have just read. Where do they get off, those good-for-nothing, insensitive pr@#*s!!!!!! How dare they make you feel worthless at work and even suggsting that "work stress" caused your miscarriage is like saying that you sre so "fragile" that you need to rest at home, poor dear. What a shauvanistic attitude. Can I punch them???? please????? You know my DH is Italian, he once offered to find someone to break the legs of someone who whas bullying me at school, and I'm pretty sure he was only half joking..... Maybe we could arrange something.
You do what's best for you. If it were me, I think I'd be looking for a new workplace - sounds like this school has caused you enough grief and that things are never going to change there. Are you in the independent schools union?
that's the fighting BW we're used to=and whether it's deliberately been proviked, or just stupid insensitivity, it's great to see that spriti shine through. don't let them walk over you - you don't need that cr@p.
and yes, Bec is right - team BW are here for you 110% - no matter what you decide, we will be here with you all the way
take care hun
Oh BW
I am so angry. How bloody insensitive of them. Who do I call? Where do I go - it is only 3 hours drive - I could be there before school finishes this afternoon. Or maybe tomorrow seeings as that way I could pick up Ryn's next present from the airport first and then go to the school - mental note to Taff - don't let Ryn's present borrow the car.
Don't let the bast@rds win - you have got this far despite them and now you have an multinational army backing you up all the way - there is no way you can loose.
BW i wouldnt even know half of what you have been through but after reading your post i too cant believe that this person could be so insensative and cruel. I am really sad that people in this world can be so miss informed and have no respect for others peoples feelings.The support from your friends here at BB is amazing and i am glad there are people out their willing to give support to you and be great friends.
I hope you come to a decision you are happy with but at the same time dont let them get away from hurting you.Maybe a formal letter of how disgusted you are at them may help? Even to get it off your chest.
I also wanted to ask if i could pm you with a question regarding immunity and sensativities? Thanks BW.
Well... if it was intended to fire me up and get me angry enough to fight... then that's what they got! Of course, I don't fight by getting angry back at them - I fight by going in and doing the best bloody job I can! Today I finally feel like my classes are finally getting back under control and are learning effectively once more. No more moping around school for me... Of course, would be a whole lot easier if I didn't have the constant stress headaches, but I'll manage.
I do wonder if he remembered what happened last year with all the evaluation crap - the day this person said to me he didn't think I had what it takes to get through was the very day I got angry enough to stop feeling sorry for myself and I then went in and blew their socks off in the later evaluation lessons... if that was what he was thinking, it's utterly sickening, though.
Caddie, ask away - I can't promise that I know enough to be able to answer, but I'll try.
Has been a long day with acupuncture, and very full-on... I'm going to go rest with DH now. Thank you all for the support and for convincing me that I'm not over reacting. Lets just hope I can keep the fight going a bit longer...
BW
BW, I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a horrid time at work sweetie.
I'm glad to see you've got your fighting spirit back hun!
I know it's hard to see it now, but one day this WILL all be behind you. You just have to hang in there!
BW i had a teacher at school who used to do that to me. He'd push and mock and i'd prove him wrong. One day he did it when my mum had had a heart attack the day before and, well, i broke. I stopped trying for him, stopped listening to him, dropped out of his subject. I think he'd seen results with behaving like that and didn't realise how much it was costing me to keep rising to his mean challenges. He definitely meant well, but ultimately he did more harm than good.
I'm so glad you feel like you're back on the rails again. GO you! :)
:hug:
Bx
Oh BW you have been through such a terrible time I am so sad that your job is making things more stressful and i apologise for people who my relatives may choose to marry also LOL Sometimes the public system has its advantages I have decided after your experiences. Hopefully things will improve after this week.
There's been some interesting progress recently...
Acupuncture last night had me all stressed and strung out. I'd nearly cancelled because I really didn't want to go - my usual acupuncturist was away, and I knew I'd be with the other one. She's nice enough, and she did the post-transfer treatment, but I just don't feel like I can relax with her. She kept pushing me to talk about the loss and talk about my plans for some sort of memorial for the Caterpillar. She kept pushing the plant thing, and that's so not going to happen! I have some ideas, but I haven't talked about them with DH, so I really didn't feel comfortable talking about them with a stranger.
Poor DH... we went to bed, and he's expecting to get lucky, and suddenly he has an emotionally disturbed wife on his hands that just can't stop crying. He kept having to spin me around so I'd cry on the pillow rather than on him like normal because he didn't have a T-shirt on at the time. It's funny now that I think about it.
We talked a lot - about how I was worried about the appointment coming, that we'd have to argue and fight for what we wanted. How I was worried I'd be too upset and strung out to be able to ask the questions I needed to ask. How I was worried that the FS would be so focussed on the head stuff and moving forward that he wouldn't want me to even think about things like the spotting when I reduced the prednisone dosage... DH explained that was why he wanted me to write down the questions I have, so that he can ask them for me if I'm too upset.
We talked about councelling... and how I didn't think it would be useful at least until we'd got some medical answers back. And how I didn't think I'd be able to talk about it with a stranger when I can't even find the words to express how I'm feeling with him. I didn't even want to talk about it with the acupuncturist, so how am I going to talk about it with someone I've never even met before?
Eventually we got around to the fact that I was sick of apologising at work for not being there last week. It was making me feel as though I was apologising to the world for having my baby die. I was sick of feeling guilty because certain things at work got messed up. I was feeling guilty because our next FS appointment is on the day of the school athletics carnival and I'll only be there for half a day and I'm messing up the transport arrangements by needing to drive and the teacher who is responsible for organising the event is undergoing chemo treatment for breast cancer and I didn't want to make things more difficult for her...
And with all this I realised that I was more worried about how the miscarriage has effected everyone else rather than worrying and thinking about how it has effected myself and DH - the two main parties involved... And with that realisation the tears stopped the sense of utter confusion stopped (to some extent) and I began to feel a whole lot better.
I'm allowed to be upset, hurt, depressed, angry because my baby died. I'm not allowed to sit here and feel guilty because it kept me away from work and is throwing someone else's plans into utter confusion. Today's been a much better day as a result. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted, and I'm just not going to let anyone pull guilt trips on me for not being there for my year 12s. It's an 11 week term and I wasn't there for one, I'm going to be there for the other 10 weeks - if they want to sulk, they can go ahead and sulk - it's not my problem!
There is something that is bugging me, however. I arrived home to find a pathology bill in the mail. Requesting doctor was my FS, date requested was the 16th, date of service was the 17th. My initial thought was that maybe the FS had actually had some testing done on the baby... no, turns out (with the help of google) that it was a pap smear. I had a pap smear done while under general anaesthetic and I didn't even know about it. I wasn't due for one, I wasn't asked if I wanted to have one, I wasn't told that it was going to happen, or that it did happen. First I knew of it was the bill turning up in the mail. It just feels odd.
BW
Hi BW
I think you are right, you have been worrying about how everyone else has been affected, but let's face it, in a month's time they'll all be stressing about something else! I hope you and DH take care of each other this weekend and forget all about work.
Just a thought, but maybe the pap smear was done to check for any abnormality that might have affected the pg? Not that I know anything about this!! But I just thought in case you were thinking the FS was getting something out of the way when he should have been focusing on the bigger issue.
I think your DH's suggestion to write all your qns down is a good one. I know if I don't do that I routinely forget at least one. And that's just for a routine visit...
{{Hugs}} I'm glad your first week back is over for you.
BW - I have only just found this thread as I haven't been on much lately myself. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry, and from reading all the responses from the rest of the bb community, I'm sure you know how much we all care about you, and are thinking of you. Noone deserves to experience this loss. I know saying this to you, doesn't make anything better or easier to understand.
Not knowing where you fit in anymore on here is something I understand, because sometimes we just fall into too many categories. But saying this, bb was always here for me when I wanted to put my thoughts into words in front of me, especially when DH was at work and I didn't feel I could turn to anyone else.
Suddenly you find a million and one things that you think could have contributed to your loss, and blame yourself, but I discovered that deep down I knew that wasn't true, but the what ifs still surface.
I look forward to hearing how your future appts go with David and Dr S. Every day I wonder which direction I should be heading in, to find the answers and a conclusive solution. I am heading down to Melbourne next weekend for the POSAA conference, in the hope that something new (that I have perhaps missed) will be said will lead me in the right direction. I've also started acupunture recently and I have been considering Dr S - however I have also heard that my current ob/gyn Dr Matthias is the next best thing to Dr S - so I can't be far off the mark. I'm just sick of treading water, and going round in circles - I want a definitive answer/solution - and I agree with Flowerchild, we shouldn't stop until we are happy within ourselves with our answers, because ultimately it's our body, and we know it best.
Do write down everything you can think to ask, because you will forget (even the most obvious questions) - I'm lucky my DH went with me to the follow up appts and grilled my dr. Plus my DH had his own questions to ask, which I didn't even consider (I can be very self-involved sometimes :)).
Sorry to be rambling on. I hope your weekend is replenishing for you and you have that inner power to go back to school on monday and show them how strong you are.
Take care,
Belinda
Question time...
Around Thursday of last week I got sick of the constant stress headaches and not sleeping so I increased the dosage of my anti-depressants, which I actually take for anxiety issues.
I'm now sleeping properly (or better at least) and no longer have constant headaches that have me taking panadeine constantly through the day and stronger meds (digesic or night strength mersyndol) at night. I can function effectively in my job now.
However, the increased dosage has also had the effect of medicating the crap out of my emotions, and I'm finding that I'm really only dealing with the loss on an intellectual level. I can talk about it without crying, but I now feel detached. I feel rather detached from everything.
Do you think increasing the dosage was the right thing to do? Am I just avoiding the issues that I'll need to face by hiding behind my medication?
BW
bw, I took Mason to visit my Aunty on the weekend and she had bought him a present. a BIG present...
it was a HUGE caterpillar, with bright colours. Its about 2 metres long.
I feel so lucky to have it in my house, and to know that Mason loves it already.
We are all thinking of you:hug:
Hey BW, hun, I would highly recommend you take some time off work to heal, you are so busy with solving problems that you have had no chance to reflect back on your own feelings. Your experience is of loss and you are entitled to grief just like everyone else when they lost a loved one.
Take care of yourself hun, I really do hope you do.
BW, I don't know anything about anti-depressant, but I can understand that detached feeling though and I don't think that has anything to do with the increase dosage. The reason I say that is because I have experience the same....
I haven't cried for 3 days and today is my first day back to work and I feel everything is back to normal now...I can talk to my boss and the colleagus who know what happend without crying, I thought I would have to deal with the constant 'tears in my eyes' scenario, but no...I am fine to function at work....although we haven't actually talk about my loss specially yet...
Only at the weekend, I was walking to the local shops, it was such a beautiful sunny day and I remembered so clearly that I was thinking 'ah, it feels like it happend to someone else, and I am just watching... has that really happened to me?" I think 'detached' is the word I am looking for here...very detached...and I don't feel the pain anymore....and at some point I am wondering 'am I healed already?', "should I be feeling guilty that I forgot my dear baby who I lost so quickly already?"
I have done a painting now hanging in our spare room to memorize 'the 63 days my angel baby lived inside of me', I am going to plant a rose in my front garden and remembering that it is so beautiful and the throne will remind me the pain I went through...but does that justify that I can leave all this memories behind already?
To me , that detached feeling might be just a sign that I am in a different place now...maybe recovering... and I have been thinking, there are lots of positive ways to remember our angel babies as well apart from being depressed, sad and crying...its ok for us to be feeling ok again and to be positive again, to look forward to the future...
I guess we just have to be true to yourself...take as long as you want to grief, to heal and be sad...but don't feel guilty if you are starting to feel ok ...sorry for the babbling but I guess I am just thining it loud as well...
I can only answer from an anti depressant POV, most modern anti d's don't make you that detatched, depends on what you are taking but having taken aropax and ciprimil neither of them have made me detached just better able to cope.
BW I agree with BeiBei that the feeling of "detachment" is part of the whole process, as that is something that I went through as well, and probably not related to your dosage.
Whoa - BW, I would be seriously upset by this!!! Make sure you bring it up with your FS.:
I had a pap smear done while under general anaesthetic and I didn't even know about it. I wasn't due for one, I wasn't asked if I wanted to have one, I wasn't told that it was going to happen, or that it did happen. First I knew of it was the bill turning up in the mail.
Just wanted to let you know I'm looking in on you and thinking of you...:hug:
BeiBei, Belinda, thank you so much for your thoughts. It quite possibly is just the process of moving on, and while I know I'm pretty ok now, I know that when we get to trying again I'm going to have a lot of stuff to deal with then.
As for the pathology bill... The only google references I could bring up on the item number where in a paper about cervical screening and stuff, which had me assuming pap smear. But I got to thinking that $200 was way too much for a pap smear. I searched a little further, and eventually rang the the number on the bill. All they can tell me is that it was a biopsy taken during the surgery. They couldn't tell me if it was from me or the baby that I lost, so I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow for my answers.
BW
Oh BW, hope you get some answers today. $200 is way too much for a pap smear, that's more like $50. But they could have told you about it...
{{Hugs}}