Goodbye little Caterpillar

**butterfly_warrior** · July 16th, 2007, 03:27 PM

This is the post I prayed I would never, ever have to write. But this is where I find myself.

Today's scan... I had visions of the outcome running through my head - never did I imagine this.

I didn't know where to look - at DH, at the FS, at the screen... not the screen - the screen was scary. The screen was black, blank, clear, empty.

The FS's words - "I don't have good news for you, Butterfly"... and the last little speck of hope flew out the window at that point in time.

My Caterpillar is gone, and I feel like my heart has been torn in two.

Everywhere I look there's something in the house that reminds me. I'm kicking myself because I'd allowed myself to believe, to hope, to imagine that things could be ok.

My FS has me booked in for a D&C tonight. We have to go to Liverpool for it, but I wanted it to happen as soon as possible.

The drive home from Parramatta has never seemed so long. We had both cars, so I had to drive myself home. The only comfort in that was that every time I looked up, I could see DH's car behind me. Following me home, making sure I was ok. I guess the only good thing about having had so many trips to Parramatta and back with the IVF stuff was that I know the road and I can do it with tears streaming down my face.

Goodbye, my little Caterpillar. I hope your cousin Miranda is taking good care of you.

BW

**{sarah}** · July 16th, 2007, 03:30 PM

OH BW, I am so so sorry :hugs:

**Pandora** · July 16th, 2007, 03:32 PM

I'm so sorry BW.

**Lisa** · July 16th, 2007, 03:33 PM

Oh BW... I am so very sorry honey :hugs:
My heart is aching for you and your DH right now.

**visitor2** · July 16th, 2007, 03:33 PM

Oh BW i am so sorry

My heart is with yours right now.

**Tanya** · July 16th, 2007, 03:37 PM

Oh BW

That is just awful news!!
Heaps and heaps of (((hugs)))

Tanya

**Trish** · July 16th, 2007, 03:38 PM

BW I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby.

Huge hugs huni :hugs:

**Muppity** · July 16th, 2007, 03:43 PM

Oh BW, There is nothing that I can say. I am just so sorry.

Sleep well little caterpillar.

**tommysmum** · July 16th, 2007, 03:45 PM

BW - i am so sorry to hear of you losing your little caterpillar. Our angel babies are all looking after one another. XX

**Antheia** · July 16th, 2007, 03:45 PM

BW, i'm so sorry for the loss of your little one. I'll be thinking of you and DH at this sad time. *hugs*

**Rouge** · July 16th, 2007, 03:45 PM

Oh BW I am soooo sorry

No words, just thoughts of love & comfort.

*mwa*
Cailin

**Trillian** · July 16th, 2007, 03:48 PM

BW, I just don't know what to say hun except that I am truly sorry. Take care and be kind to yourself.

**Jane73** · July 16th, 2007, 03:49 PM

I am sooo sorry to read this BW. There is nothing that can be said but you will have heaps of support and love here.

**Lenny** · July 16th, 2007, 05:36 PM

Oh my God, I wish this wasn't true. I am so sad.
I wish there was something i could say.
I am so sorry for you both. So sorry.
Jo

***Nikki*** · July 16th, 2007, 03:50 PM

Oh no bw im so very sorry of the loss of your little Caterpillar

My heart sank reading this

**briggsy's girl** · July 16th, 2007, 03:51 PM

BW - words can't express the sorrow i felt when i read your message earlier. i had so hoped that you would never have to experience this kind of pain and loss. i wish there was something i could say or do to take away some of that terrible hurt. i had tears streaming down my face trying to work out how to reply earlier, and even now i'm at a loss for what to say

DH has asked me to pass on our love and thoughts to you and your DH today hun

take care of yourselves BW - allow yourselves to feel and to hurt. Be angry and sad whenever you need to be. you no where i am if you need to vent or anything at all

love and the biggest of hugs
BG and Mr B

fly free little Caterpillar - watch over your mummy and daddy, and know always how much you were loved