sweetie labour side I can't tell you mine was very easy ....the connection will be there, as hard as it wil be hold your baby spend time with him...trust me you will cope with the emotional pain yes there will be days when you say why should I go on, why not me, these are all perfectly normal I still 5 years down the track have days where I can't stop crying, but these are few and far between now...I made a promise to my Katy to live everyday for her, to experience the unknown to enjoy life for her, to take time to smell the roses or look for animals in the clouds.
I know it sounds cliche but these are the things that got me thru my darkest hours, another thing talk to your partner talk to your family talk to your friends talk to the girls here, you have a son unfortunatly the angel in the book of life is going to write to perfect for this earth..he will alwasy watch over you live your life for him...
the one thing I can't say enough take pictures if you and your partner can't ask the nursing staff, when we had Katy I was in a state of shock as I imagine you are and we didn't take any pics nor were we asked if we wanted any, to this day it is something I regret, I have her hand and footprints and a picture in my mind of what she looked like but no pictures
I personally don't know if you will regret not seeing the baby, I don't think anyone can tell you that for sure, they are not you. But my friend hasn't regretted it.
They tried to make her look at her son(sb 25 weeks), but she refused & she doesn't think she could've coped if she did see him.
As I said before, 20 years later she doesn't regret that decision. I don't think she named him either. Although if its past 20 weeks you are supposed to as they need a death certificate. I'll have to ask her if she had to or not.
If you choose not to see your baby, thats your choice & don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for that decision.
Braveheart.
I agree with Rach, if you do decide to see your baby, take some photos. This is the one huge regret I have in regards to Noah. I couldn't bring myself to take photo's of him because I was still in denial that everything had happened (Found out about his abnormalities and delivered him in a week total)... so I got the midwives to take photo's of him. I kept the disposable camera here until I felt ready to see his pics. On what should have been his 2nd birthday, I got his photos developed, and I was so saddened that they only took 2 photos of him... I wish I had more. I wish I had some of me and my DH holding our precious son.
I can fully understand the apprehension in not knowing if you want to see your baby or not, I was very similar... I was worried that Noah would be freaky, alien looking... but he was beautiful... in every way he was gorgeous... I could see many similarities between him and my older children, and he had a lot of mine and my husband's features. When Harrison was born, it was very much like looking at a full term version of Noah. I am so glad I got past my apprehension and held my baby... though I totally understand why some people don't. A friend of mine didn't, and as much as she felt it was right for her, she does regret it now, although she does have pictures of her baby girl.
Only you can know what is right for you.
Thinking of you sweetie. I will keep you in my thoughts and in my heart.
Skye - I think it may have been different 20ish years ago in regards to registering the birth... my friend had a SB at 21 weeks and she only had to register her birth because her baby took a breath, which then made her a baby, not a foetus back then.
Last edited by Lisa; August 6th, 2008 at 12:17 PM.
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