daddy, I've never lost a child, but I've lost a sister, and the best thing I can suggest to you is not to bottle it up, not to ignore your own needs, and not to feel like you don't have equal rights to letting go of the emotion. If you set aside the grief and don't deal with it, you'll end up like my Dad who is incapable of talking about my sister without breaking down - and Dad is not the tears type at all.

I strongly suggest you and DW both see a counsellor. It probably sounds cliched, but you can do it and see how you go with it. The loss is the biggest pain you are ever going to feel and you need to have strategies in place to cope with it. Keep us informed; I'd like to know how you are going.