I'm new to the site, and I'm in the process of a miscarriage in my first pregnancy. I live in the US, and found this site on a search engine. The Australian timing may actually work better for me, since I work a very late shift and I'm up when most people in the US are sleeping. I got married later in life, at the age of 35. We've been married for 2 years now. That puts me in a higher risk category, and it took 18 months from the time I went off the pill to when we conceived. I was so excited to be pregnant after trying so long. I went in for my second appointment at 9 1/2 weeks hoping to hear a heartbeat. When my doctor did the preliminary ultrasound, he gave me the news that the embryo was smaller than it should be. There was no heartbeat that he could find. I went back for a more detailed ultrasound two days later, and the baby only measured at 6 1/2 weeks. The bleeding started a few days later. I had to go to the emergency department at the hospital on the weekend when the bleeding got particularly bad and I felt lightheaded.

I'm now through the worst of the bleeding, though it hasn't stopped completely. I'm very tired of the cramping. Now that the physical symptoms are getting better, the emotions are getting worse. My doctor prescribed an anti-depressant at my request, which I think is helping somewhat, but this disappointment is terrible. My husband is being as supportive as possible, as are our families, but there's only so much that they can do. My mother-in-law has been wonderful--she lost a baby in her first pregnancy, too. I was so excited to be pregnant after trying for so long, and now we'll have to start over again. I know we'll have more opportunities to try to conceive, but that logic can't take away the pain.

I'm trying to keep busy with reading and I started a cross stitch today. I have limited time off work and will have to go back later this week. I'm worried about being an emotional wreck at work, especially in my job in a hospital. I work with medical records and have to see chart after chart of women who have healthy babies. There are some charts with sad stories, but most babies are born without serious problems. I can't begrudge others having a happy ending, especially as I could never wish this experience on anyone, but it's a painful reminder of what I've lost. I suppose the only solution is to take life one day at a time.

I feel a little foolish for announcing our pregnancy before I was out of the first trimester. I didn't think I could hide the symptoms of morning sickness, etc. and there is no prior history of miscarriages in my mother's family. Even my grandmother that had a baby at the age of 41 didn't have serious problems. Now I'm dreading the innocent questions from people who don't know I lost the baby, and worried that it'll make this process even more painful.

I look forward to getting acquainted with others here, and appreciate the kind attitude I've seen in other posts.