hi all thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice ! much appreciated. i am actually surprised to find this forum as 95% of them are on pregnancy.

i think its wonderful that everyone can share their own special stories and be in the surroundings of someone who has been in that situation. Your family means everything to you and are there unconditionally for you, however, are all going through this in their own ways ... but will not completly understand on the mothers side.

I hope this will not only help myself in this journey ahead but others and one day in the future, i can help others who will be going through the same thing (unfortunatly) but be on the brighter side of life again.

You are all wonderful take care xx