Lost

[Bedeka]

Hi we have been ttc for a year now & was beginning to to
think something was wrong. But. 2 weeks ago we got a bfp, we were over the moon. Turned out after blood tests I was 6-7 weeks! Then a week later I started to spot, but then nothing. My dr still wanted me to have an ultra sound. I had one that day & was told it looked like I might miscarry & if I hadn't to come back a week later. That was today & no heartbeat, no developement I have to have a curette on Friday. I know it is so early, I know it happens to so many women, I also know it probably means s.thing was wrong. Yet I feel so alone & so very sad. My dh is being great & I know he is so upset. I didn't think I would feel so lost this early.

[diannescruffy]

So sorry for your loss

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks

[Shanti]

I'm so very sorry for your loss how very sad. You've been ttc for quite some time too. I have no words, just hugs to offer.
It's wonderful your DH is being very supportive.
I do hope you get another BFP very soon and that it's a sticky one.

Welcome to BB, sorry it wasn't under happier circumstances. I'm sure you will find all the support you need here.

[Bedeka]

Thank you both so much, I keep telling myself things will be okay & at least now we know I can get pg. I hate that now I keep feeling like my baby is still there yet I know in My head it is not true

[dory]

bedeka - sweetie, big hugs. All the rational thoughts in the world mean nothing when you are hurting so much. Embrace your grief, and its is so right that you grieve. Lean on DH, because even though you feel alone, you aren't. Hope you are doing ok today.

[MsKara]

Bedeka I'm so sorry for your loss I don't think it matters how early it was, it still hurts. It's ok to let yourself grieve and allow yourself time to recover.

I'm sorry you feel alone Please know that you have lots of support here if you need it from women who have gone through very similar situations and have similar feelings.

[Bedeka]

Thankyou this forum has courageous & amazing women here. I feel less alone & think of everyones losses & how hard it is. Hospital tomorrow, not looking fwd to it yet also wanting it to be over. Have accepted this is happening (at least at this minute) & feel your hugs & support. Wanting desperately to be a mom but know this just wasn't the right time.

[KitFaerie]

Hey sweetie, I know it hurts, it does happen to a lot of women but it still really really sucks. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly, and that the next bubba is super sticky. Be kind to yourself.

[dory]

Bedeka - Go gently today little one. It is a tough day. Know you are not alone.

[Bedeka]

Well I am home & d&c went ok. I don't feel as awful or as empty as I thought I would. The Drs & nurses were all great & I have pretty much slept all day, some of that is because I needed to, but also to avoid all the people ringing or dropping in to say sorry. I just need to be alone with dh at the moment. It's nice they care, but too much at the moment. Thanks to everyone for your kind words & understanding

[Rainbow_Mumma]

hi,
sorry i only just seen this post, i am glad to hear the D&C went as well as can be expected. I honestly do feel your pain I lost my son when he was 3 hours old and have had numerous miscarriages and am TTC again with no luck so far.
Take everyday as it comes and remember there is no wrong or right way of grieving for you baby and even though it was early days it was still your baby that you hae tried for so grieve all you like and take as long to do it as you need!
I hope you get a sticky BFP soon

[Bedeka]

Thankyou MrsS, I am sorry for your losses & cross my fingers for you. It is such an emotional rollercoaster full of hope anticipation & anxiety

[sunny*girl]

Hi Bedeka, I hope you are coping ok with the rollercoaster of fertility? It is a difficult time for sure, and I hope you have support here and in real life? Take care of yourself and I hope your next bubba is a sticky one.

[Tegam]

I know it is so early, I know it happens to so many women, I also know it probably means s.thing was wrong. Yet I feel so alone & so very sad. My dh is being great & I know he is so upset. I didn't think I would feel so lost this early.

All your feelings are so normal. There is no easy time to lose a baby! Reading other peoples stories and know 'it happens' kist increase the sadness sometimes, other times it gives you strength.

Give yourself time, be kind and never stop talking, sharing your feelings!

[dory]

Teagm - awesome words of advice. Hard earnt wisdom I suspect. Take care.

[Bedeka]

Thanx sunnygirl, teagm & dory. It is nice to be reminded it is ok to grieve & talk. I have had a hard week & am finding myself so wound up & unable to express what's going on inside me. I'm scared to talk 2 anyone, I just say I am fine. Dh has accepted our loss & ready 2 move on & I am scared. 1 part of me wants it so badly yet I also feel guilty for TTC so soon after our loss, it's weird. I have also had a really rough time with my mom who is great but can be so insensitive. For example at the US just after finding out there was no longer a heartbeat she asked me if I wanted the US pictures! I was still in shock, denial & I don't know what else, I lost it & said I don't want a photo of the baby i couldn't keep & then the reality of it hit me & I broke down. Then, this last week my cousin has just had a baby & mom keeps talking about her & giving me updates & sending me pics. I am happy for my cousin but I just wish my mom wouldn't keep throwing it at me as it also makes me sad. And then I feel awful for feeling this way. To top it off I keep having these dreams that I made a terrible mistake, that by having the d&c, that the Drs were wrong & our baby was ok. I know it's insane but I wake up crying & I don't want this to continue. Am I abnormal, I've always been a pretty together person.

[Jeslyn]

im so sorry for your loss