I also like your idea of making their 10th birthday special. Would your DS be able to help plan something? Maybe he has an idea for including his brother in the celebrations?
I was thinking that ... Y'know Z&A I know people deal with things differently, but I do think it's good to get it out.. 10yrs is a lot of time to hold pain and trauma within. I hope you have had at least someone you could share with.. You have been very brave to share your story after so long to a bunch of strangers.. (Maybe some of us you 'know' but on a public forum is massive) I feel privileged that I got to hear (read) your story, and I do hope it helps to in your ongoing healing process