After 10 days torture post our 1st scan, today is the day that we hear our verdict. The morning was long and hard before the scan and I was worrying sick...finally the screen was up, I can see the big black gestation sac but I am having trouble of seeing my baby I hoped could have caught up in size...my heart sunk...so when the sonographer told me"its not good news, I can see the heartbeat...and at 8 weeks 6 days, I should be able to see that...I think it must have stopped not long after your last scan..." I was just feeling numb, I was actually surprised that I didn't burst into tears, right there....

Then I got dressed, got home...DH and I just couldn't get over the fact that this could happend to us...we are so close to our dream and suddenly all is taken away...why let us have all the happiness and joy then destroy it? It is just too cruel...

I am still feel quite numb now and I know part of reason I am not completely crushed is because I need to deal with the next step...ie. D&C...FS will call soon to arrange it...but I am a bit freak out as what to expect...I can't believe my very first pregnancy ended in tragedy like this...

It is also extremly hard to think of things like 'when to start again?" But all I know is today that we lost our angel...outside sun is shining and my world is completely dark right now...