After 10 days torture post our 1st scan, today is the day that we hear our verdict. The morning was long and hard before the scan and I was worrying sick...finally the screen was up, I can see the big black gestation sac but I am having trouble of seeing my baby I hoped could have caught up in size...my heart sunk...so when the sonographer told me"its not good news, I can see the heartbeat...and at 8 weeks 6 days, I should be able to see that...I think it must have stopped not long after your last scan..." I was just feeling numb, I was actually surprised that I didn't burst into tears, right there....
Then I got dressed, got home...DH and I just couldn't get over the fact that this could happend to us...we are so close to our dream and suddenly all is taken away...why let us have all the happiness and joy then destroy it? It is just too cruel...
I am still feel quite numb now and I know part of reason I am not completely crushed is because I need to deal with the next step...ie. D&C...FS will call soon to arrange it...but I am a bit freak out as what to expect...I can't believe my very first pregnancy ended in tragedy like this...
It is also extremly hard to think of things like 'when to start again?" But all I know is today that we lost our angel...outside sun is shining and my world is completely dark right now...
I am soo sorry for lost baby. No words can make the pain any better, just know that I am here if you need me.
TBH, the d&c for me was the easiest part but the most heartwrenching, as they were actually taking my baby from me at that point. As long as the baby was in me I felt that "he" was still safe IYKWIM.
Take each day as it comes, if you need to cry, scream, yell, hit a pillow, do whatever you feel to help you through this. The first few weeks are the hardest, but as each day goes by, (it sounds so wrong at the moment) it does get easier.
We got a special teddy made for our lost baby, others get angel pendants, plant a tree, etc.
:hugs: BeiBei, I had so hoped that you wouldn't have to feel this pain.
I'm so very, very sorry that you have to deal with this too.
I know it's awful and horrible and just plain revolting now, but it does get better, slowly.
Take care of yourself and DH. Grieve, cry, yell, scream, shout, throw things if you have to.
But know this... we've walked together before, we will walk through this together now... and eventually we will together walk through successful pregnancies.
I'm so very, very sorry that you have to feel this pain, BeiBei. :hugs:
BeiBei, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that you're going through. I hope that you are able to surround yourself with the love and hugs that you need right now. Rest quietly and know that we're all thinking of you. Hugs and more hugs. In the days after my last loss, the hugs and kind words from the BB family meant so much to me, particularly as I was mostly alone. Whenever you need a hug, just say so. I'm glad you are able to take the week off from work.
Now the flood gate is open and I just couldn't stop it...
Thank you BW for your care and concern especially while you are going through your own loss ATM...I hope the pain does go away at some stage...the only comfort for me is that at least the little caterpillar will keep him company, they are only 1 day apart and they will look after each other...just like we do....
BeiBei, don't try to stop the tears... cry, it helps. It really does. And when you think there are no more tears left, you'll cry even more. It hurts, nothing hurts like this. But it's important to feel the pain - you won't be able to move on by trying to hide it. Don't try to pretend to be ok, it only gets worse if you do.
Yes, my Caterpillar and your angel will be playing together. They won't be alone as they have each other. I wish I could be with you now, BeiBei - to give you a big, big hug and cry with you. Know that I'm thinking of you and sharing your tears right now, even if I can't be there in person.
Beibei cry as much as you want, BW is right, it really does help. Im crying with you, for your angel, for my angel, for everyones angels that have flown away.
We are all here for you, praying that you and your DH will find the strenght to get through this terrible time. You are not alone.
beibei, I'm so so sorry - I know the pain.
I went to have an u/s done and imagine to my surprise that there was absolutely nothing on the screen, imagine my heart sinking so fast
Goodbye my angel
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