I'm so sorry Sonzz for your heart breaking loss. It never is fair or just. In the first days and weeks after my loss I just hated the world and couldn't believe it happened to me.
Life is beautiful most of the time, but at that very moment I hated everything and everyone in it. This feeling did pass, although my loss has forever changed me. I hope I am a stronger person now because of it, but it still sucks that I had to have gone through my loss to gain that strength.
Take good care of yourself hun, and allow yourself to grieve for your baby. I pray you get the chance of becoming a mother one day, and the fear of trying again melts away somewhat.
Beata xx