Martin Luke - The Loss Of A Brother

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

** I am not sure where to post this, it is the story of the Loss of a child so i assume it goes here, please feel free to move or point me in the right direction if it is not **

21.1.0.87 - Martin Luke was born - i was 3yrs old and i had another brother Steven who was 2, we lived with our parents in Victoria.

I guess he was just like any other baby, i remember little things about him like mum letting us wake him up to go out, S trying to teach him to 'play cars'.
He had the most radiant smile and the chubbiest little cheeks.
we had pixi photos taken about 3 days before he died, these are the only photos we have of him.

12.2.88 - SIDS claimed the life of our precious little brother, we cannot explain what happened but it would have to have been the most horrible day in my mothers life.
S and I went to wake M up and he wouldn't stir, we told mum and she went to check on him, the next thing i remember is running with mum to the servo up the road (we didn't have a home ph), she left us there with her friend while she went back to our house.. from there i have no idea what happened.
All i remember is being allowed to have ANYHTHING we wanted at the servo and my aunty coming to pick us up a little later in the day.

From what i've been told he was taken to RCH where he they confirmed he had passed, to this day every year i buy a rednose and i give to the RCH Good Friday appeal.
My girls will be made aware of Red Nose day and what it signifies to our family.
We were not allowed at his funeral but i visit his grave every time i am home, i only wish i had of known him a little longer.

Today my little brother would have been 23, i know he is with us and every now and then that radiant smile appears on my little girls faces and i know it's him telling me he's proud of us and he wishes he was here!

For those that have suffered a loss i am so sorry, i cannot begin to imagine that pain, the pain i see on my mothers face every year on his birthday or the anniversary of his death.
With time it gets easier but it will never be gone completely, i still cry randomly or wonder 'what if', try and imagine who he would look like or what personality he would have.

Little Bro you are gone but not forgotten, may you rest in peace, foreve in my heart my angel brother.

[TeniBear]

Happy 23rd Birthday Martin, your sister is very obviously proud of you. Look after your little nieces, and continue to shine throughout their lives

ZF, take care of yourself today Maybe do something with your girls, tell them about their uncle Martin?

[Cassius2]

thinking of you all on this special day

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Happy 23rd Birthday Martin, your sister is very obviously proud of you. Look after your little nieces, and continue to shine throughout their lives

ZF, take care of yourself today Maybe do something with your girls, tell them about their uncle Martin?

Thanks Teni... this morning when we woke i said to Ava it's Uncle Marty's birthday today.. she said

Me Mart Party

..
So cute, i show her his picture and i tell her who he is, the sun is shining so we might go for a walk after Z's nap, i'm thinking i might find a nice palce in the garden and buy an ornament... something for him.

[Muffy]

Thinking of you today xx

Happy 23rd Birthday Martin xx

[~clover~]

MIL lost a baby boy to SIDS around the same time & age. They also only have 2 or 3 photo's.
Thinking of your family today hun. Sending all my love your way

[delphmoon]

[sirenz]

i'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, Martin.

Maybe you and your girls can go to a nice spot and release some balloons, in memory of his birthday.

Thinking of you

[Lady_Tess]

Thins of you today ZF. An ornament sounds nice. Maybe a place in the garden and the girls can plant something around or with it???

My heart does hurt for you, I know as a mother who has had a late loss the grief I feel every waking moment, dont even want to think about birthdays yet. But I often sit and wonder about my other DS, he is 8 and never really shows what he feels. I think apart from conceiving again for ourselves, I feel it is my DUTY to show him it does end well. I have all sorts of concerns about him. What about when he gets older??? What if heartache drives him to never want children??? Little things like that. ZF, do you think after having your own children, the death of your brother affected the way you see things??? hmmm I hope that came out the right way.

The thing is, you were only 3, but you took in alot more than you think. You look after yourself too. Your mum would be hurting, but you need to take care of your heart aswell.

:hugs:

Tess

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

ZF, do you think after having your own children, the death of your brother affected the way you see things??? hmmm I hope that came out the right way. Tess

It came out fine hun don't worry.
For me being PG with DD1 was VERY hard, i found out i was PG on the 20yr anniversary of his death that i was PG, it was a nice surprise on an otherwise gloomy day but then at one stage they said i was due ON his birthday.. i was NOT impressed.
DD was earlier and my dates changed but her being the same age as him at the same time was hard for me, i was a paranoid freak in February when she was 4mths old...
That said there is a lot i knew about SIDS to help me get through that time with her, with DD2 it was a lot easier, it was a different time of year (by a couple of mths) and DD1 had been safe so i was less panicky.

My mum had some MC's after Marty andbefore she had her other children, TBH they did not really affect us even though i was about 10, i guess we had been through the loss before and we hadn't 'met' this baby IYKWIM.

As parents all we can do is explain to our children at an appropriate age that these things happen, it is not nice, it hurts but there is no way of knowing if it will or wont happen to you.
We cannot live our lives NOT doing things because it MIGHT, we can only go forward and think positive thoughts about all the good things that can happen.
Martin was bought into our lives for a reason, his smile could light teh darkest of rooms, he served his purpose and now he's gone.. it hurts but it happens for a reason.

[~Hestia~]

Happy Birthday Martin. ZF will be thinking of your family today. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child or a sibling, I'm so sorry your family had to bear this. I'm glad you have those pixi photos though, they must be very special to your family.

[OceanPrincess]

Big hugs ZF, I hope today is ok for you.

[Joeve]

for you and I am sure Martin is watching over you all x

[Party-of-five]

[Miss.September]

ZF. Happy birthday Martin.

[Mum2SweetCs]

Happy Birthday Martin.

MIL also lost her two DD's 30 years ago and to this day she has tears in her eyes when she talks about them, gone but never forgotten.

Enjoy your day celebrating with your DDs their Unky Martin's bday.

[Jaycee]

ZF, happy birthday to Martin, I'm sure he is watching over you and your girls and keeping you all safe.

[dabradys]

Sorry for the loss of your dear brother.