Hi to everyone,

This is my story,i have 4 kids and had my tubes tied as my doctor suggested it after my last baby 12 yrs ago,anyway i have always secretly hoped the OP wasnt done right and i could fall pregnant again.So going back in May i decided to try IVF and i was sooo excited as i knew once the doc put in my bub i was pregnant and i really was.I went straight out and bought everything for bub except clothes my teenage kids went shopping and bought the baby things also.I was on cloud nine for 20 weeks,and one day i went to the toilet and seen a little blood oh S***T i thought this is no good because i have never had blood with my other babies,so i rang the doc and was told to come in the next day to have a BT and urine test so i did but it was a Friday so i had to wait until Monday to get my results dam.Anyway come Monday at 4pm i thought gosh my doc hasnt called me everything must be ok but i thought nah i better call him anyway just incase gosh they had to look around for my test result and then the nurse said oh yeh you have a urine infection and you need to take antibiotics,gosh i was mad why did they wait so bloody long to tell me.Anyway i went into the chemist to get my meds and the chemist guy said gosh these pills are very strong are you sure your doc wants you to take them?hmm i said well yeh i have to its my OB that said to take them.Anyway i got home thinking should i or not???it was already after 5 so i couldnt ring my OB so i took them,come that night i had slight contractions but i didnt think anything of them because i didnt have any pains.The next morning i was lying on the lounge and bang a whole heap of waters came out and Shoot i knew that was the end of my baby,i rushed to hospital and was told by a B*****Y old mw that calm down everything will be ok if im ok and she didnt examine me until 30mins i felt like shouting at her to hurry up.So she did she it was my waters that have broke and i need to drive over to this other hospital about 30mins away so there i was in the back of my FWD with water still coming out going to another B*****Y hospital i thought gosh this is a nightmare.Anyway i got there and they said there is nothing they could do because i have lost all my water and everything is coming apart,but my baby still had his heart beat i just wanted them to do something because my baby was still alive.I was told no there is nothing they can do,i can only wait until he dies and then bring on the labour,so i thought ok well maybe just maybe he may live until a few weeks and then they can help him if he comes out,i was there in bed waiting for a few days with my baby still alive and i was told i need to make up my mind to let him go otherwise i will get a infection,oh that was the hardest part how can i give up on my baby boy,i felt like i could have gone on for months but my hubby said no he wants me to be healthy and thats the main thing,so come that day we decided to end it,but as i was telling my doc to end it my baby just died i felt more sad because i still had this thinking that you never know he might come out and breath still.I had a quick but painful labour with all my kids around me,and we said our goodbys i still have days were i cry and talk to him.I will never ever forget him.

I do want another baby but im still bleeding from having him and gosh its been like 7 weeks every time i think the bloods gone bang i get another full on bleed i just hope it all goes away soon.
I have put away my babies clothes and things i feel even if i have another baby boy i cant let him use those clothes and things because they werent bought for him.Maybe once my daughter has a baby boy i will give those things to her.

Thanks for listening.