hi horsemad, welcome to BB, so sorry that it had to be under these circumstances, I am so sorry for the loss of your angel baby, sending you huge hugs hun, I feel your pain.....my dp was a bit like that too, when we lost our bub 2 yrs ago, if not for bellybelly I dont know how I would have coped.
keep talking hun, there are plenty of us who have been through it and can help by listening.
be gentle with yourself, dont try to bottle it up, let yourself grieve.
xx