My silent angel...

[~ Mylitta ~]

This morning I was the most excited I have ever been in my life. I was 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant and more than ready to see my little bundle's heart beating away at my first obstetrician appointment.

My husband and I arrived and had a chat to the obstetrician then I jumped up on the table ready for the ultrasound. The first thing he noticed was that I had a retroverted uterus, but that it wasn't a problem. Then he found a nice looking pregnancy sac. But that's when the best day of my life turned into my worst. He couldn't find my baby.

I was then sent downstairs to the high-tech ultrasound machines. After the longest wait of my life I was scanned, only to have it confirmed that there was no baby. Apparently I have had either a silent miscarriage or a blighted ovum, but I hate the sound of both. They both essentially mean that my baby has died...

I am totally devastated and haven't been able to stop crying since the ultrasound. How can my baby be gone when I loved it so much already and I still have such strong pregnancy symptoms?!

I'm booked in for Sat morning to have a curette because my body hasn't realised that the baby is gone yet and I haven't miscarried yet. I'm really scared about having it done, but my obstetrician has assured me that he hasn't had any complications or subsequent infections after any of his procedures.

I just want my baby back She was our wedding night angel.

[Nadine216]

I am so very sorry for your loss

I wish you all the strenght on your road through mourning

[DoubleK]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Krystie, i really wish our excitement and love for our unborn babies were enough to help them survive, but sometimes its just not meant to be.

im not sure what else i can say, you will feel better in time, just let yourself cry and grieve for as long as you need to, your little angel will always be with you



Rachael.

[Antheia]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your little baby. It is so hard and it will take time but you will get through it. I'm thinking of you through this time.

[AJC]

Krystie - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I had d&c after both of my m/c, I was quite scared the first time but it was fine.

You will cry alot and you will experience many different emotions - it will take time. The heartache will always be there and you will always hold a very special place in your heart for this bub but you do learn to cope better with time, just take it day at a time.

I planted trees in my garden for my angel bubs.

The belly belly 'community' is very supportive - you've come to the right place.

[lavenderpegasus]

I just wanted to let you know that I love you sweetie and that I'm here for you...


love
LP





NB: You can have your forum back now, just stalked you to deliver LOVE

[MistyFying]

Krystie I'm so sorry your baby passed away

[cheekyfrog]

Krystie, I'm so sorry that you lost your wedding night baby. Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve, you'll feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster for a while so I hope you're surrounded by all the love and support you need.

Our little angels watch over us on our journeys. I hope your journey will be filled with much joy in the future. Much love.

[Rowie]

Krystie

I am so sorry for your loss and I feel your heartache. You will get through this, it just takes time. Please know that we are all here for you and many of us have been through the same or similar thing. I have had 3 miscarriages and 3 curettes and just recently had my little girl.

Take care of yourself and DH through this difficult time.

[treelo]

Krystie, Right now your angel is watching over you, guiding you and loving you. I know this doesnt make it any easier and i know your grieving process will be long and hard. We are all here for you, many of us here have walked in your shoes and know how hard this is to get through. You are not alone

Im so sorry for your angels passing hun.

treelo

[Shanti]

Aw Krystie I'm so sad to read this. I was so happy for you when you got your BFP i am so very sorry this has happened now.... I am here for your support. I hope you are managing ok.

[Muffy]

oh like kbowman said please be kind to yourself!!
and remember it IS ok to cry and grieve it is only natural...
we are all here to support you xxoo

[Snacks]

So sorry for your loss Krystie

[mummytobeinnovember]

Hi Krystie, I'm so sorry to hear about your little angel, I too lost my angel this week, I went for a scan only to be told there was no heartbeat so I understand how a potentially wonderful day can change into heartbreak.

I had to have a d&c and was also very frightened but it is ok, there's nothing to be afraid of although the feeling of loss afterwards is devastating as I'm sure you're well aware by now.

My husband and I while we're not churchgoers as such, we went to church and lit two candles for our babies as this was my second miscarriage in a row and said a few prayers which helped.

There's no denying this is an awful awful life experience, there's not a minute that goes by where I'm not grieving for my angels lost, but take it day by day, surround yourself with support and know that your baby is looking down at you silently from heaven sending you love and baby hopes for your next little darling angel to come and choose you.

[Heaven]

Kristie. This is terrible, the same thing happened to me on Tuesday, I was meant to be 8wks 4days but they only found an empty yolk sac measuring 6wks.
It's so terrible, but we will get through it, eventually.
I feel the same, how can my baby be gone when it was so so wanted?

[Diamond Girl]

Im so very sorry Krystie for your loss. It is devastating news, and my heart breaks for you and your DH.

I dont know what else to say, but sorry.

[Skyeblue]

Krystie I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Ill be thinking of you on Saturday.

[~ Mylitta ~]

I wanted to thank you all for your replies. While they don't make things "better" as such, they definitely gave me comfort and are helping me through this difficult time. While I would never wish this sort of thing on anyone, a part of me is comforted knowing that others have gone through something similar and have come out the other side ok.

I had the curette this morning that wasn't a bad as I had been expecting. I was scared of being left a bit in the dark (like when I had my gall bladder removed), but everyone was great. I had an anaesthetic nurse come chat to me, then the anaesthetist, and then my doctor, which made me feel like they really cared and that I was being kept "in the loop". And unlike when I had my gall bladder out and insisted that pethidine/opiates make my extremely ill and they gave it anyway, this time they listened and were really careful with painrelief and meds and I wasn't sick afterwards at all. I'm just still in a little discomfort and feel a little numb emotionally.

Why my DH and I woll never forget the one big negative from this experience (the loss of our baby), we are trying to focus on the small positives. We are now sure that we can get pregnant naturally, and I believe that my body was doing all the right things to keep the pregnancy, to the extent that it wouldn't even miscarry when the baby had already left us. Instead of being scared of our next pregnancy, I'm going to try to remember that in "most" cases things don't go wrong and that our next baby will grow up healthy and live a long and happy life with us.

Still missing my little angel though...