Thank you all again so much for all your kinds words.


I need to think aloud for a bit.

I'm at home today alone. Everyones at school or work. I woke feeling ok. Feeling like I would get things ready for me to go home to by Babies. I was going to do some domestic duties and just chill.

But now I'm a blubbering mess. I feel like I don't know what to do or where to go. I don't think I've ever felt so lonely and lost. My Family is 1600km's away and all I want to do is jump on a plane now and go be with them. But I have responsibilities here that I have to take care of.

I guess all these feelings and emotions are normal.

Lastnight I dreamt of going for a swim at the beach but there were massive waves crashing angrily at the shore. I read in one of my dream dictionaries that this depicts "the ups and down of everyday life".

I also rememberd back to the dreams of miscarriage that I had some weeks ago. The books says "Dreaming of miscarriage suggests that we are conscious of the fact that something is out of order or has been brought to an end too quickly". Maybe my own body or baby was sending me messages through my dreams.

I know its only early days and everyday my emotions will calm and my hormones settle. But right now I hate this emotional roller coaster I am on. I felt like I was doing ok. But then I also felt guitly for no letting myself grieve properly.

I'm a strong woman....I will get through this....Right?!?!?