thread: My sleeping angel

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2006

    My sleeping angel

    This is my first post - today my little boy, my sleeping angel, Cooper Nathan, would have been 4 weeks old. Cooper was born sleeping on 28 November 2006 at 37 weeks.

    Life is so cruel and I don't understand it - my husband and I had been trying for a baby for 2 years when we finally fell pregnant and then at 37 weeks my baby was taken from me. I had a routine ultrasound and was told the devasting news that there was no heartbeat. I thought I could feel him, that he was moving. This is our first child so I don't know what I should be feeling but I thought Cooper was moving. I have so many questions - what kind of a mother am I to not know something was wrong? Why me? Why anyone? How does this happen? Why does this happen? - No-one should ever have to bury their own child. No-one should have to go through this at all.

    I cry and talk to Cooper every single day and just hope that he is not lonely. Sometimes I think that he is still here - just asleep in his cot - and wait to hear him cry....... How do you get through each day, each hour? I just want one more hold, to hear one cry.

    My husband and I wrote this poem in loving memory of our cherished son

    Waited so long
    Then you were made
    Our precious little angel
    Memories will never fade

    You were a miracle in our eyes
    A new tiny life
    Why couldn't you stay
    Instead of saying your goodbyes

    A glimmer of hope
    Gone to soon
    You're up there Coop
    With the stars and moon

    Didn't hear your cries
    Or hear your screams
    You'll always live long
    In our dreams

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2006

    It was a cord accident - the cord was around his neck. I know how Cooper passed away but still don't understand why it happens and how it happens and how it can't happen again.

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2006

    Dear Lynn,

    I am so sorry to hear of your devastating loss, your beautiful Copper Nathan.

    I have no words, but I have tears streaming down my cheeks.

    What a beautiful poem you & hubby wrote to Cooper.

    He will be looking down on you & I am sure that he will send you a little brother or sister for him to watch over.

  4. #4

    Nov 2004

    im crying, your poem was beautiful.

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2006
    home sweet home.

    Dear Lynn

    I felt the deep sadness and dispair in every word you wrote. The poem by your husband is the most treasured gift a father could give his son and Cooper is such a wonderful name. The tears I have for you and your little angel baby seem insufficient.

    I too am traveling this horrible journey at the moment, it is 11 weeks and 3 days since I lost my son Harrison at 36weeks 2days. He was my first son also, and I don't think that DH and I could have possibly imagined how painful this hurt is. It is ok to feel, it is all you can do at the moment, just allow yourself to scream, to cry, to just be. You will make it through this. Please just know that I will do anything I possibly can to help you through the dark days ahead.

    Just know that you are not alone and that your dear little son Cooper is in my thoughts and my heart.

    Take care sweety, we are all here for you.
    Spring Angel

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2006

    Oh Lynn - I am so sorry to read about Cooper

    I know all too well what you are going through and my heart goes out to you at this time, especially with Christmas. This period has been so tough and has brought out so many emotions in not only myself but others on BB. I lost my son Nicholas at 36w1d on 5 September this year due to a blood clot that developed in the placenta. Like you I question every single day WHY????? There is no reason, apparently it is "bad luck"! Like you, Nicholas was my first baby and he always will be - just like Cooper will always be your first baby.

    The only way to get through is to live each day at a time, and don't expect too much of yourself - to have gotten through that last four weeks shows how much strength and courage you have. There are days where it seems to get easier and you think you can pick yourself up and move forward but then the next day comes and kicks your feet out from under you and your left feeling empty, angry, numb, sad, confused, and any other emotion you can think of in one hit.

    I think without having carried a baby you cannot realise the bond you feel with every kick and hiccup and elbow you get, I know I never did beforehand. It is very hard for people to understand what you are going through, before it happened to me I couldn't even fathom first of all losing my baby, and then after the shock and agony of finding out they are gone but to then be told you now have to give birth to your baby. The mental anguish you go through in the birth process feeling like you are going through all this pain for "nothing" is unimaginable. Just know that you do have something to show for it - You are Mummy to a beautiful little angel baby and your gift to him was his birth, and in return he will be watching over you for all of eternity.

    You have come to the right place, without the beautiful women of BB I don't know how I would have gotten through. Sadly, I do understand so much what you are going through and if you ever need anything please feel free to email me.

    I will be thinking of you, DH and darling little Cooper :hugs:

    Love Mel

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2006

    Hi Lynn,

    I am so sorry for your loss of Cooper. I too am travelling this horrid journey, having lost my first daughter on 28th September. I too thought I felt her moving up to the morning we found out she had passed. I could have sworn I felt her stretching, even the day before when my DP arrived to be with me for her delivery. However, it turned out she had passed at least the day before DP arrived. We have no reason as to why she passed.

    Please know you have found a good place to come and talk about how you are feeling, you are right it should never happen to anyone.

    I am thinking of you, and your DP at this time.


  8. #8
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2006

    Im so sorry for your loss the poem is beautiful brought tears to my eyes.. Cooper is a beautiful name that is the name we had picked for our Angel baby Cooper John.. to you both..

  9. #9
    kirsty Guest

    Lynn I am so sorry for the loss you & your DH have suffered in losing your precious son, Cooper. I lost my 3rd son (& 2nd angel baby) in March this year from a cord accident (he had managed to tie a knot in his cord & then wrap it around his neck 4 times hence tightening the knot & starving himself) & it is such a devastating thing to go through.

    I am sending you my deepest condolences & am always here if you need to chat. Also please feel free to email me if you like.

  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2006
    Melb, Vic

    Lyn sweety,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son Cooper. I am praying for you to have strength and for his little soul. Big hugs to you.


  11. #11
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2005
    near the water

    I'm so sorry for your loss of your beautiful baby Cooper, its hard to believe that life can be so cruel. Big hugs to you.

  12. #12
    babybaby Guest

    me and my sister-in-law have just sat and read your story and poem and found it very moving. to go through something like this must be devistating and hurt alot. but our deepest thoughts and love are with you forever. reading your poem nearly brought tears to my eye's but i held them back because i am strong which is what you need to be, strong it is the only way you will carry on. with your husband,family friends and all of us on here you are bound to build your stenght up again. with all our love

    kirsty and danielle

  13. #13
    BellyBelly Member

    Apr 2006
    Hobart, Tasmania

    I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your little man Cooper.

    I have a sleeping angel as a result of a cord accident as well. Zac was born in April this year at 15.5 weeks gestation with his cord wrapped tightly around his neck.

    Please don't be down on yourself. You have done nothing wrong. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will get through this. There will be good days and bad days and lots of memories and feelings to deal with. Talk about it if that is what you want to do, cry about it if that is what you need.

    Take heart that others here understand your pain and can help you when the going gets tough.


  14. #14
    BellyBelly Member

    Jul 2005

    Lynn, what a devastating thing to happen, little Cooper is now your angel watching from above over you and your husband. Look after each other. It is such a difficult time but each day you will gain a little strength to carry on.
    Hugs from all over BB are coming your way.

  15. #15
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2006
    Victoria, Australia


    I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but know your Angel Cooper is up with the other angels and is not alone. He watches over you everyday!!
    Take all the time you need to grieve, it has almost been a yr since we lost our daughter Chloe due to my waters breaking prematurely and I still have my weeks. Dont put a time on it, take it hour by hour and no more and don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling and when you should be feeling it.

    Sending you lots of love.

  16. #16
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2006
    home sweet home.

    Hi Lynn

    Just wanted to pop in and see how you are holding up.

    Just know that all of us are thinking of you .

    Take care sweety

    Spring Angel

  17. #17

    Oct 2005
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?

    I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling and the terrible loss of Cooper.
    This time of year makes things all the more painful.
    Cord accidents are very rare but sadly they do happen. The chances of this happening again are so very very slim my love... That is no consolation now but just in answer to your question.
    Please lean on all of the wonderful women in here. Sadly many of us know some of the pain you are feeling. You will survive this horrible time. Always will you hold Cooper in your heart but this terrible raw grief in time fades to a pain more manageable.
    I am sending you lots of love and hugs...

  18. #18
    BellyBelly Member

    Dec 2006

    Thank you Spring Angel for seeing how I am and thank you to everyone that replied to my message. It is so sad to see that so many people are going through this devasting experience but it is also comforting to know that so many people care and that there are people to talk to that are feeling how I am feeling.

    Before I was pregnant, friends would say that once you are past the first 12 weeks, you are safe - this I have experienced first hand is not true. After reading so many other stories it is definitely not true. Have a healthy crying baby in your arms is truely a miracle and one day I hope to experience such joy and happiness.

    I still don't know how I get through each day - it is like a horrible nightmare that I can't wake up from. It just doesn't feel real and I just want the pain to go away. I know that the pain will never go away but will it ever ease? I just feel numb. The only thing that keeps me going each day is thinking of my precious little boy and know that I would have been a great mummy to him - i miss him dearly.