Kandy - I am so proud of you for having the courage to open up about your miscarriage...that took a lot of courage. I am so sorry for your heartache and the difficult road you've walked in the past 12 months. It's ok and normal to miss your baby, it's ok and normal to feel sad,confused, that life isn't fair and I completely understand why you feel angry that those you hoped to get support from were not able to give it to you when you needed it. But it sounds like you've made some really positive steps - not seeing your old friends anymore, a new and supportive boyf, leaving the old boyf for unacceptable behaviour and reaching out here on BB. You are so much stronger and resilient that you realise. You honour your baby in everything that you've done to assert yourself and make a better life for yourself.

I've had 4 pregnancy losses, all at different stages, but two about 20 weeks. I don't think multiple loss is any "harder" in terms of the grieving and heartache. There are more angels to mourn but the heartache is just the same, well for me. My supports were initially my husband, my obstetrician, my cats. I didn't really let anyone else in initially. Over time I let a couple of close friends in, and in even more time, more friends and family. I tried going to a SANDS group meeting, but it wasn't for me. I eventually found my say to BB which has been and continues to be a lifeline for me. I tried a couple of counselors, but they weren't the right fit. I tried a new counselor after my 4th loss and she is just pure gold. I doubt I would have made it through without her. I expect to see her intermittently for many years to come, when I feel the need. Grief is a lifelong journey, or at least that's how I see it. It won't always be as much hard work and as intense as it is now, but I expect there to be times of grief for the rest of my years. Some women I know have found SIDS and KIDS meetings really helpful.

The best start though, is to do what you've done already AND to keep coming back here to BB. Even though it feels like it at times, remember you are not alone. You have joined a wonderfully caring and loving community of women ( well mostly, there are a few blokes around in here) who even if they have not suffered loss, are caring and compassionate. Take care and go gently.