My story - May be disturbing
Hi all
Apologies if this is long....But I just need to get it out. According to the doctors at Townsville Hospital, my case appears less than once a year so it's been hard to find support that actually understands.
My miscarriage was not one of realising I was miscarrying at home. I had been spotting and cramping on and off through my pregnancy, but had a healthy heartbeat at 6 weeks for my dating scan. So when I wiped red one day instead of pink I booked in with my GP to see what was going on. She checked my cervix and said it looked really good, there was no pooling blood, she can only assume a mild placenta tear. She booked me in for another ultrasound and took bloods for Beta HCG. That same night while we were babysitting and were at the cinema and the cramps got heavier and more uncomfortable, radiating up my back and through my ribs. Within about 10 minutes of these starting, I started to bleed. I went to the toilets and lost quite a bit of blood. I ended up going as quickly as possible back to the cinema and telling DH we had to leave NOW. He panicked and got us to my Dad's house (which was on the way) for towels to get us to hospital but when I got out of the car we realised how much I had lost and called the ambulance. By the time I got to hospital I had lost close to 1L of blood. I was rushed into emergency where I lost 2-3 softball sizes clots (sorry TMI) and what we believe was our baby. I then started to crash. My blood pressure went through the floor and I woke up a few seconds later to a room full of people and a gynaecologist talking to me through a haze of morphine about what was happening. From what I understand post surgery, I had a clot caught in my cervix which was diverting blood away from everywhere important, raising my heart rate and dropping my blood pressure. She had to remove this clot in the ED.....Not the most comfortable of procedures I can assure you. I was then rushed up to surgery for an emergency D&C. I woke up after surgery to DH crying next to me. The nurses had let him come in for a little bit even though he wasn't technically allowed (huge thank you).
On seeing the OBGYN the next day, I found out I had lost about 2L of blood and would be there at least another day and was looking at a transfusion. I was also lucky to be alive. At that point I cried. For DH, for the baby, for my family. I ended up getting the transfusion and was in hospital for 3 days.
What makes it really hard now, is that I can't function. I can't do a load of washing without needing to sleep for 2 hours, I can't clean my house, I can't go for a walk. I can't even play with my dog without being exhausted. It makes it really hard to grieve and then find a distraction for a while when you can't physically do anything.
We're also torn with guilt because although we were excited and amazed that I fell pregnant (I was diagnosed with PCOS not long before falling), we're also relieved because it was unexpected and both being students we were financially unprepared.
On the flip side, we're both keen to give ourselves 12 months for me to get healthy and try again. We had a plan in place for me to continuing study while DH works etc and we think we can manage it. But I think we both need time to heal and process. Whether we decide on 3 months or 3 years away, we need to feel like we're not replacing our little one before we can try again.
Sorry this has been so long and graphic...I just needed to get it out....And if there is anyone who has been in the same situation I would love to be able to talk...
Thanks
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