Positive thoughts from a Negative Situation
Hi I'm new here, but I thought I might share my thoughts and feelings about my miscarriage I just went through 2 weeks ago.
From the start of my pregnancy everything was different, and I new early on that this wasn't going to be a successful pregnancy, but I kept my fingers crossed my body was wrong, and considering I hadn't had any spotting or bleeding I though maybe it was just me. No I was right! I know my body and it was telling me early on to prepare myself.
My miscarriage was not a "normal" miscarriage by far, I miscarried at 12 weeks, and this was my third pregnancy.
I started spotting on a Monday, and went to our local hospital to the emergency department. I had to wait 4 hours to be seen as it was extremely busy. They took some blood to measure my HCG levels, but couldn't do a scan as there were no technicians. They referred me to a unit in the Maternity section called the EPAU which stands for Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit, however they only operate Fridays and Mondays and the earliest they could see me was a week away. I still hadn't had confirmed that I was miscarrying as the blood results wouldn't be available until the next day, my doctor was also on Holidays so I couldn't go see him, so like the control freak that I am, I organised things myself. On the Tuesday I ended up ringing around to find someone who could do a scan that day to tell me what was going on. I got one and had confirmed what I pretty much already new - the fetus hadn't developed much beyond 7 - 8 weeks - which explains why when I had a scan at "8 weeks" I was only showing at 6w3d. Obviously it hadn't implanted properly, and that would also explain why my morning sickness suddenly disappeared.
10 minutes after I got the scan results, the hospital rang to tell me my HCG levels and I told them I already new. The doctor I spoke to was a gynie and asked if I was going to go natural or chose D&C. I naively thought my miscarriage was just going to be like a really heavy period so I chose to go naturally.!! WRONG!! A miscarriage at 12 weeks is basically labour, just not as bad, it's about 1/10 of what labour is.
Now - as it turns out, I did some research about what I was going to face while miscarrying and found out it was not going to be pleasant, so I went back to the hospital Tuesday night and told them I didn't want to do this at home, I was quite worried. The doctor's advice was, that if I didn't want a D&C, just go home take a panadol and a nuerofen. Well I showed her didn't I.
Wednesday went fine, pain was really intense, was passing lots of clots which I took as a good sign, bleeding was starting to ease and so was the cramping. Then on Thursday at 12.00pm I started to hemorrhage. I had to call the ambulance and go straight to the hospital, the whole time I was hemorrhaging. When I got there I passed a massive clot the size of a rock melon (didn't see it, but that's what it felt like). I was still hemorrhaging quite badly and even managed to loose consciousness at one stage. I was rushed off to an emergency D&C because there was still stuff stuck which was causing the hemorrhaging.
I required 2 units of blood when I came out because I had lost so much blood. I'm glad that I am a generally a mentally strong person, because when I was put in a ward in the hospital they put me in the maternity ward, I don't know if anyone else would have been as fine as I was with it. I was in a room with 3 other ladies, that had different health issues, not relating to pregnancy, but on my last night there, they had to move the ladies out because the maternity ward had had an influx of early births and they were moving the new mothers and babies in with me.
My whole experience is as if someone had taken all the worst possible scenarios of a miscarriage and put them all together, my head still swims when I think about what I went through, but then I think about what I took away from it.
My first positive thought to come out of my situation.....Both my children were born by cesarean because with my first I labored through for 3 days but didn't dilate properly. On my second I was worried the same thing would happen so I opted for cesarean again, but I have often wondered like most women who have only ever had cesareans and felt the sneer of "natural birthing mothers" - are we missing out on anything. My thoughts - HELL NO. I have a very high pain threshold, but honestly I would take cesarean over natural everyday of the week. I took a fairly high pain medication while miscarrying, and it did nothing to even dull the pain I was going through.
My second, third and possibly forth positive thought I got out of this - I didn't loose a baby, just a uterus lining - my fetus didn't develop beyond 7-8 weeks, so it?s not really a baby is it? I'm glad that if it had to happen it didn't happen at around 20 weeks like it did to my mother or 25 weeks like my mother-in-law, and I hope this isn't offensive, but I would rather have a miscarriage then a disabled baby.
The most important thing that I got out of this experience was that the universe was telling me to slow down. I realised that I have been running from some pretty serious issues for the past 5 years. I told myself that I had dealt with it and I was fine, I had come to accept it, but I was wrong, I know in my heart that I haven't dealt with it, and because I have refused to really deal with it, my poor body has been picking up the extra stress. My body finally had enough and has been telling me for the past 2 years that I need to stop. Well I got the message. I am giving myself 12 months off. I am definitely going to try again for a baby, but I am going to wait at least 6 months before trying again, and take 12 months off for my own personal health. 12 months to find me again.
I'm writing this to all of you, in hope that anyone going through this will seek either hospitalisation or asked to be monitored while miscarrying, and also that if you are around 12 weeks or higher to maybe really look at taking the D&C option - I really don't want anyone to go through what I have.
I also want to help people see a positive side to bad situations, in everything we do there is always a leason or a positive, My motto through life is, as long as I can learn from a bad experience I will never have regrets.
I am 28 years old and I don't regret anything I have done or been through, because I wouldn't have my caring husband, and my two beautiful children. I want to add more to my family and I know I will, but I had to go through this to get myself better so I can be around for longer.
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