Sharing my story

[carac]

Hi all, I am a new member on this site. I am desperate to hear from others who may be experiencing the same feelings I am at this moment. I lost my little boy over a year ago now. He was 20 weeks and had extensive structural abnormalities but to me, he was perfect. I have since given birth to a beautiful baby boy, also perfect. He really is a dream baby and, with his two older sisters, completes the family. I should be extremely grateful and I am, to an extent, but there is a part of me (a huge part which is affecting my daily existence) that finds it difficult, no impossible, to move on. I dream of my boy all the time and as cliched as it sounds, I feel like I more or less died with him. Do others feel this way? Has anyone else experienced a loss and then an anti-climax after a subsequent pregnancy? I look forward to hearing from others

[emma7]

I feel the exactly the same way. i find that im not strong and happy as i use to be theres always something in the back of my mind and i know it's my little Brayden. I think of him every night before i go to sleep hoping that my mind will dream of him. What he would look like...would he have my nose and my partners skin. It's been 5 months and i still grieve everyday. But i can't make my grieving my life. step by step you move on, not forget. not ever ever forget but to push on and honour your little boy and live life to the fullest. sure there is times when you're happy and the next your on the floor but its just called coping. sometimes i feel as if i have spllit personalities one minute i'm fine and next i'll see a baby and be a mess. Things do get better, it's just all about time and looking after yourself. take care.

[tempus moriendi]

carac: I haven't quite had that experience, but I want to say--how awful you had to go through that, even though you had a healthy baby later. I'll keep you in my prayers.
The closest thing I can say is obstetric loss never really leaves you. Part of you will always be aware of it. I think about my MC's every day. I hope you find some peace and consolation.