so so hard

hey munchy
i too know what it's like to sit late at night with all the thought's of what if:hugs:when i came home from hospital i felt so alone i would lock myself in my room for hours and just sleep i thought that way i wouldn't have to deal with anything my dp hasn't been much comfort for me at all he said he just didn't think of it as a baby and that made me so angry it's deffinatly put a strain on our marriage i just don't think men understand when you go through a loss it changes who you are comming on here and posting my own story and reading others has helped me in a way nothing else could

:hugs:and hope you are blessed with a little one soon

dear babyhopes,
men! my dp said he felt the same way, it wasnt a baby just a bundle of cells that didnt form properly.
fair enough that technically speaking he may be right but its the dream we greive for, the possibility...... im sure you kwim.
i am so sorry for your loss, its 2 wks today since my d&c, i cry every night, cant sleep very well, i dont know how i would cope if not for bb.
sometimes i think that dp looks at it that way as it is easier for him to cope with.
xxxstarrysky

hey starrysky

i am so sorry for your loss:hugs: no men don't understand your loss was close to mine it's actually 3wks ago today maybe that's why i feel so down today :(

Babyhopes

Men really dont understand us women it put a strain on my marriage as well after loosing our daughter all i did at night was cry for a few weeks a few days after giving birth he made a comment ( why you still crying you shouldnt be crying about it now) how insensitive i think he was hurting to but she was a baby she had all her fingers and toes she had the perfect little face with her little tounge and her beautiful little lips and perfect ears so i was missing her so much and he didnt understand why even now he says i thought you would have gotten over it by now i dont want to make out he is horrible cos his not but we obviously dealt with things very different he says maybe cos the baby grew inside me i feel more upset, talk about make me angry i think i just feel he should feel the same as me as it was his daughter aswell and we had planned so much for her we bought a house to get an extra bedroom for her so it was like my world had being crushed and he cant see why i just wish he was a bit more sensitive about things and he he hasnt got anything nice to say they dont say anything at all sorry to vent a bit but i have never spoken about it as i thought he was the only guy to be like that.

Munchy xxx

i am waiting for things to get any easier and i am havin a hard time coping atm i went back to my doctor today cause i started havin bleeding again [over 3wks later]and the doctor said that's normal?? and said come back if i get more i didn't know weather to scream or rip my hair out and as for the dp :wall:sorry to vent i just needed to get that out

hi babyhopes,
i bled for 2 days after then stopped for a day or two then started again, i am still bleeding now, is now more like spotting i guess.
at the hospital they told me bleeding should only last 1-2 weeks, is it possible you have af already?
i hope that things do get easier for you, there is nothing wrong with greiving your baby.
im thinking of you xx

hi starrysky
no it's deffinatly not af yet i had bleeding for a week before the d&c nearly two weeks after and again today so i'm not sure what's going on the doctor's won't even send me for a u/s unless it gets worse hoy are you feeling i hope your doing ok
big hugsxxx

i seem to be okay, i had a pretty good day today, just got my tax return back so i went out for some retail therapy, got anew haircut,had about 30cm cut off!! so big changes.
tomorrow i would have been 12 weeks, that upsets me.
i dont even want to mention it to dp anymore, he sort of just goes quiet and the eyes glaze over, i know he loves me and wants me to be happy but if i dont say anything i guess he can pretend its all okay.
i dont know anymore, :cry: i feel like im in limbo iykwim?
i want to try again but am absolutely terrified that this will happen again, still waiting for af to come so i know where im at.
how do you fel about ttc again?

i know exactly how you feel i am also scared of it happening again i am really not sure what to do atm i guess i am not really making any set plans nice you went out and did something for you i can't bare to be out atm
hugsxxx

i had dp with me when i went for the u/s, he was with me the next day for the d&c, allthat day and night and the next day and night, but on the friday dp HAD to go to work as he has started a new business and he really couldnt stay home any longer, that was my worst day, i stayed in bed and cried then dragged myself up and got on the computer which is how i found bb.
i remember going outside to hang up washing, it was windy and the wind scared me! i was petrified of being outside, i ran inside and bawled my eyes out.
that night dp bought me a bottle of gin and we drank it ALL that night, i woke up the next morning in tears.
i have been lucky in the fact that my parents are pretty supportive, mum rings me every other day to see how i am going but no one mentions the m/c, i almost feel guilty talking about it other than on here because it seems to me that everyone just wants to forget it, it happened, its over, you get over it.
BUT I AM NOT OVER IT.
sorry i am rambling on a bit here, have you checked out the ttc after m/c thread? i have been posting and reading all the girls stuff in there and it is quite informative and inspiring.
hugs to you sweetxx

i really can't remember how i found bb but i am glad i did because other than my dh i had no one to talk to yes iv'e looked at that topic i think it may take ages for my body to get back into shape the way things are going atm
big hugs

oh, babyhopes, i am so sorry for your loss and pain. feeling down on life is absolutely normal, although i know that will not help you to feel any better. please be good to yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with this painful territory. you too, have the strength to live for a better day. i am sending you lots of hugs to make it through the down days and to wait out the time necessary to see those better days. it isn't fair, not at all. no one should ever have to live through these kinds of horrible emotional pains. hugs to you, and i hope you find some comfort from the wonderful folks here at bb. xxoom

how are you babyhopes?
i hope you are okay, have had you in my thoughts a bit.
xxx

hi starrysky
i wasn't on at all yesterday as i was really sick the doctors gave me anti biotics over 3wks later but i stop takin them they were a just in case thing as they are not sure what's going on with me yet i am feeling alot better today how are you doing
hugs to youxxx

i am actually feeling pretty okay atm, tired, have been up since 4am, dp is working and he wont get up unless i wake him up, couldnt manage to go back to sleep so i will probably hit the wall soon!
had abit of retail therapy in last few days, new clothes and haircut, amazing how it works....
was it the antibiotics making you sick? im glad you are feeling better today.
xxx

glad to see you are doing nice things to take your mind of things it is really hard though i still have good and bad days my dh is home today so i went out and took some time for me yes it was the anti biotics making me sick
big hugsxxx

Hi BabyHopes,
I was just reading the wonderful and supportive messages everyone has left. We seem to be living mirrored lives. StarrySky - retail therapy is music to my ears! I just wanted to say how wonderful it is to find people like all of you here. The support is gorgeous and the honesty is renewing, so thankyou Babyhopes and everyone for sharing your stories. it makes someone like me, sitting here in her mum's daggy nightie and old cardy feel like a million bucks.

hi again teaching mum, i dont know what i would have done had i not found bb, as i have prolly said a million times already, this is the best place for warm caring support from people who REALLY understand, hope to see you in the threads xx