Hi Tryagain.

I can relate to what you are feeling. I got pregnant through IVF earlier this year. As all my work colleagues and family knew we were undergoing IVF they found out the day after I did that I was pregnant.

I had a scan at 7 weeks which revealed a slow heartbeat so I had another 10 days later. Unfortunatley the heartbeat had gone (only a few days after the first scan). I remember driving from that scan utterly devastated. I then had to tell all those people that knew. Although everyone said it was not my fault I strongly doubted it. I recall saying to my Mum prior to the scans that “I wasn’t keen on a December baby but ‘Begger’s can’t be choosers’”. I thought the miscarriage was my punishment as I was ungrateful.

Now 5 months later, I’ve ‘come to terms’ with it and do not blame myself – it just wasn’t meant to be for me at that time.

Two very lovely ladies at work gave me a ‘care bag’ (stars to wish upon, pins to pin my dreams on etc) and it included a lovely teddy. I’ve named this teddy Sam as it goes for both a boy and a girl although I tend to think of our Sam as a boy. Sam sits on my bed by my pillow. Naming Sam and having a physical thing I could hold in his place was my turning point in my emotional recovery. Do what is right for you.

I’m sorry to ramble on – but your story just seemed very similar to mine.

Good luck and take care as you ‘try again’.