It is so sad to hear that so many of you have had a similar experience to me. These sleepless nights are wearing and if you can handle another outburst, I can share this miserable story with some women who understand.

Alexander's funeral was one of the strangest days. While I thought I would be the one weeping and need to be looked after, it was more the other way around. Everyone around me was so sad and upset. I didn't realise how Alex had touched so many people.

I slipped into a mode where I couldn't really absorb what was happening - the same sort of survival mode that got me through his labour. I didn't have the ability to react, I just knew that we had to make it through the day.

It was only in the moments before the ceremony when I placed his little body into his coffin that I could begin to grasp the fact that this perfect little baby was in fact dead. I think before that point I thought this might somehow be a mistake.

But it isn't a mistake. My dear, sweet Alex has died and coming to terms with this has been overwhelming. Everything within me is yearning to nuture and look after my baby boy, I've never felt such raw emotion like this before.