Why does this happen?

[danek]

It is so sad to hear that so many of you have had a similar experience to me. These sleepless nights are wearing and if you can handle another outburst, I can share this miserable story with some women who understand.

Alexander's funeral was one of the strangest days. While I thought I would be the one weeping and need to be looked after, it was more the other way around. Everyone around me was so sad and upset. I didn't realise how Alex had touched so many people.

I slipped into a mode where I couldn't really absorb what was happening - the same sort of survival mode that got me through his labour. I didn't have the ability to react, I just knew that we had to make it through the day.

It was only in the moments before the ceremony when I placed his little body into his coffin that I could begin to grasp the fact that this perfect little baby was in fact dead. I think before that point I thought this might somehow be a mistake.

But it isn't a mistake. My dear, sweet Alex has died and coming to terms with this has been overwhelming. Everything within me is yearning to nuture and look after my baby boy, I've never felt such raw emotion like this before.

[paradise lost]

danek,

I cannot imagine how you are surviving this. I have never suffered a late loss, and can barely imagine the pain you must be in. I wish i had words to make it better. I don't know why such appalling things happen to good people, i wish i did.

I'm sure all those people had love for your baby, i have had friends lose a newborn and all of us who knew them felt devastated by it. It is at times like this, when the full futile cruelty of which life can treat people is highlight, that our only weapons and comforts are words and tears. I don't have many words hun, i'm sorry. But i have tears streaming down my cheeks.

Bx

[nickel]

Take your time, acknowledge all those feelings - it's not something you will ever "get over", but you may find a way to live with it.

One small comfort you can have, is that in his short life Alex was loved and adored unconditionally. I pray you can find some hope and comfort, and are able to sleep peacefully soon.

[Lisa]

Life can be so cruel and hard at times... I really wish it wasn't so.
It is so unfair to have to bury your child... and it is very hard to have never known the little things about your child... the sound of their laugh, the sound of their cry, the joy in their eyes, the smell of their skin. The one thing that got me through the darkest of days was the knowledge that Noah knew me, and I knew him... even if he wasn't alive when I met him, I still knew him... and I feel I know the type of child he would have grown up to be... the most perfect and beautiful child ever.
You and Alex share a bond that no one can ever break, the bond between a mother and a child... he felt your love every day and you felt his... and this is a love that will never ever fade no matter what.
I am so very sorry for all that you have been through... no one should feel such a pain. My thoughts have been with you and your family for days now... My heart has been breaking for you... I just want you to know that I care and understand... just like many people you will encounter on bellybelly. Hugs
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DS 13, DD 10, DS 1
Noah Thomas 20w5d Feb 2006
Oct 2007

[Leemar]

I am So Sorry