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Thread: Adopting your Partners child....

  1. #1
    Bambi Guest

    Default Adopting your Partners child....

    Hi, My name is Mandy.
    I have posted in the other forums about TTC with my husband.
    But i have another issue.
    My son is 3 1/2 years old now. He is not my husbands but he has been there all the way. The biological father didn't want anything to do with me once i fell pregnant and hasn't looked back. Myself and my Husband have talked about adopting my son so things are official, between us all.
    I have rang the births, deaths and marriages for queensland, as they deal with adoption too. they forwarded me onto someone, But that was ages ago. They said that we had to be married before we can do anything, So yeah we were planning to get married anyway, So we got married. But i rang again and they said now you have to be married for 2 years.
    Is this all true???
    Has anyone here had children to another relationship and your partners now have adopted them???
    I am interested to know other peoples stories and know any information anyone has to help.

  2. #2
    Bambi Guest


    Thanks Fletch.
    Yes he has been there all the way. We were best friends before i fell Pregnant. Who would have thought, I fell in love with my best friend.
    He is the greatest.
    My son's second word was 'Dad' (Mum was the first), so it has stuck.
    Just want to make things official, although they are in our eyes.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..



    My DD#1 has my surname & as I have no contact with her father, I have looked into also my DH adopting (he desperately wants too) DD#1. But as we have no contact details for her father, it is difficult, costly & we'd have to go to court! (I am in Vic).

    But I was told she only legally has to use her (my) surname as per birth cert in certain things, like Medicare card & Passport, everything else like school etc she is known as Dh's surname!!!

    We got together when she was 2 & she is now 7, he is the ONLY Daddy she knows & they are super close!!!

    Best of luck, my DD has said she will legally change her name when she can which is 15 or 16 I think!!!

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Nov 2004


    Mandy... what I can give you is some generalised information. I am a family lawyer working in Victoria, and I think you're in QLD.

    Please obtain professional legal advice for your own circumstances. The following is NOT a substitute for independent legal advice nor is it guaranteed to be absolutely accurate as I have been on maternity leave for nearly a year now.

    In Victoria, the general process is as follows:

    1. Ensure that the relinquishing parent will consent to the adoption.
    2. Contact DHS (Department of Human Services) and talk to them about how to go about the adoption. They will prepare a report and organise the counselling for the adoptive parents, child (if applicable) and relinquishing parent. One requirement of the adoptive process in Victoria is that the step-parent and the parent must have been in a relationship for more than 2 years (they don't HAVE to be married, but it certainly helps).
    3. Note that DHS generally do NOT approve step-parent adoption. It is only in exceptional cases (ie imminent death of one parent) that adoption is approved. I think there are about 3 step-parent adoptions in Victoria each year.
    4. If adoption is approved, an application must be made to the Family Court of Australia to allow the step-parent to adopt the child. If this is not done, the relinquishing parent can still bring applications for contact and residence in relation to the child, as the relinquishing parent will still be considered, under the Family Law Act, a parent of the child. Essentially the child will have three legal parents.
    5. If the Family Court application is successful, then an application must then be made to the County Court (District Court in QLD). A number of forms must be filled out including affidavits of the whole story etc etc. A judge will then decide whether or not the adoption will be allowed to proceed.

    As I said, it's a complicated process, and you need to obtain advice from a independent lawyer who is familiar with adoptive processes in your state.

    Best wishes. Email me if you have any other questions.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..


    Thanks for that Divvy, as I believe it will be difficult considering we dont have any contact details for X!
    Maddy is eager to change her name when she is old enough to do so!!!

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Sydney, NSW


    I know this is a really late reply, but I thought it might help someone.

    I dont know what its like in QLD, but in NSW you can change your childs name without have to go through the adoption process.

    I met my (now) husband 2 weeks after a drunken one night stand. At the time I was not aware that I was pregnant. I only know the biological sperm donors first name so have no way of finding him. Quite frankly, I dont want to have him involved in our lives.

    My DH and I got married in January of this year and we changed my DD surname from my maiden name to my DH surname.

    Eventually we will go to the family court for an intrafamily adoption (where one biological parent remains a legal guardian). But right now, we are just happy with having our surnames match. No one knows that she is not legally his, and she even looks like him! She is 4 now and has only ever known my DH as Daddy. Her birth certificate has no father listed. Works for us. Thats my 2 cents.

    Cheers, Suzie.

  7. #7


    As an adoptee, I would consider how your child might feel about this... now, and later in life.

    Adoption, to me, is a last resort. She still has a biological father, and always will. One day she very well may want to have a relationship with him, which is her choice. If your DH adopts your child, that sends a message of being unwanted by the bfather of your child.

    It's very difficult to fathom for me, how a parent could give up their child unless it was absolutely necessary - ie. being abused, at high risk.

    Changing the father (legally) may suit your needs, but down the track, is it in the best interests of the CHILD? To remove her biological roots? It's a huge step, in my opinion. As a child who was removed totally from her roots.

    I know that hte bfather isn't very supportive of the child, but this doesn't take away the fact that he is the father.

    I would fully support being the legal guardian or foster parent, but adoption is a whole other story..

    Having just found my birthmother, after 35 years, its the fact that I was relinquished and was given up on by her that is soo hard to take. I would consider if it's going to cause some problems down the track, when she wants to know where she came from. Hiding the truth (via adoption) will only put shame and negativity into the equation. Truth is imperative for the child.

    Just my 2 cents worth.

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